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My Boyfriend Can't Cum During Sex
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jvers22 posted:
Hello,
My boyfriend never cum during sex. We have sex everyday. He has no problem getting hard. In fact, as soon as I touch him he usually gets an erection. When we have sex he always wants me to be on top. I prefer to be in missionary, or to be on my hands and knees but in those positions he usually gets soft after a few thrusts. So I do what he wants and goes on top, trying a few diffrent positions

He told me that he comes close to cumming when he's in me, or when im giving him oral, but he just cant cum. The only instances that he came was when he jack himself off and have me suck his cum afterwards. Its such an impersonal way of having sex. When I try to jack him off after long session of ridding him and giving him multiple blow jobs he usually just brushes my hands away and closes his eyes and masturbate while i lay next to him and watch. Its such an impersonal way of having sex and its ruining my self esteem.

I have been with a few men before and none of them had any of this problems. I've always made them cum multiple times in a session, either from being in me or by giving them blowjobs. Its really is a problem for me. It makes me feel so useless and unattractive. I tried asking him what was the problem, and how i can make myself better for him, but he kept saying that its not my fault. Somehow i cant believe him.

We talked about different things that may have caused it, and he blamed it on stress, exhaustion from school, from not being in a relationship in a while. From those conclusion, i tried different things. Giving him massages, taking him out to steak dinners, in general making him feel relaxed and happy before sex.

Sex is a big part of my life, and as much as I enjoy cumming when I am on him, I dont enjoy sex as much when my partner cannot cum. In fact, sex turns to be unenjoyable when i cant please my partner. I love cum and its a big part of my sex life to have it on me, in my mouth, and in my pussy. I love him and I want to be with him but I'm just so sexually frustrated when my guy doesnt cum.

Does anyone ever had this problem before? If so what helped solved that probelm? What can I do to make my boyfriend cum? I've tried giving him blowjobs until my jaw hurt, jack him off, and then getting back to pleasuring him with my mouth, but it seems that no matter how close I am to making him cum, he just never crosses that line. Should i let him watch porn while we have sex so he can cum to some pornstar? The thought of it makes me angry and sad, like he wants someone else other than me.
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hairyd responded:
You answered you question. He has trained his penis / body to cum thru jerking him self off.

"Closes his eyes and masturbate" that will be his only way".
That is why he goes soft in the prefer position of must men.
I would advise to move on to another man. This man is to addicted to masturbation. It not you with the problem.

But must men like this. Will Never keep their hands off their penis. Talk with him; he may try masturbation with hot peppers or HOT oil on his hands. If he wants to enjoy your pleasure hole.
Always remember your penis is unique, just like every man.
 
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hairyd responded:
Your answer ...... closes his eyes and masturbate while i lay next to him and watch.

You may ask to masturbation with hot oil (while wear gloves) or hot chili peppers

He has an addiction; I would advise to look for a different sexl partner.

Guys Limit the time you play with your cock.
This could happen to you.
Always remember your penis is unique, just like every man.
 
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sluggo45692 replied to hairyd's response:
Hairy, I have to disagree with you about the bj. I haven't been able to finish with a bj in over 20 plus years. And that was after 2 years of no sex with then wife (now ex). I never could finish off with a bj easily. It was very long and usually with a prostrate massage. Don't get me wrong, I love BJ's, I just can't finish that way.
Jvers22: From your name, I'm guessing your a young lady. It's not you. It's him. Hairy is right about if he's masturbating a lot. He needs to leave himself alone for a while and enjoy your fruit. If he has to masturbate, tell him to do it with you. I have had the same complaint about not being able to finish. There are times a man just wants to enjoy the inside of his lover and not finish. I know a few times I have been asked are you going to finish soon, but in a good way. (after 15-20 minutes of solid intercourse) and there are times I make sure she as a lot of finishes and we cuddle. I don't need to finish every time and have told my gf and prior lovers this.
Believe me, It's not you. If he's lasting and able to get hard when you want him, take that and enjoy. He'll finish sooner or later. Just tell him it has to be where you want it. Good Luck
 
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stevesmw responded:
Don't take it personally. Every man responds differently.
If he enjoys making love to you, that is all that matters.
A person is responsible for their own orgasm.

I am more interested that he loses his erection when on top.
For me being on top caused me to orgasm the quickest and I might lose my erection in other positions and needed to get back on top to regain it. Have you tried on your side, facing each other? It allows each partner to provide the stimulation.

I believe his response issues are related to some psychological issues.

I also think you are both trying to hard and need to relax and let things be what they are.
 
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jss123 responded:
I had similar problem at your your boyfriend.
I disagree he is addicted to masturbation.
I was single for a long time and in those circumstances its your only outlet.

What happened to me I I also went soft the first few times I had sex after my long break. My partner was NOT happy with me either and it becomes an issue for the man too as he starts to think there is something wrong with him.

The problem basically is a vagina doesn't grip anywhere near as tight as most men grip their penis while masturbating.
I was also wearing a condom which (unfortunately) drastically cuts down the sensation a man feels.

My partner then tried another approach. She focused a lot more on my testicles. (during sex, hand and blowjobs).
The first time she did that during a blowjob I lasted two minutes !!
She took my testicles (one at a time) in her mouth and gently sucked on them while jerking me off with her hand.
As men don't touch there much during masturbation it sent me into orbit.

During intercourse we did reverse cowgirl. I felt much more in that position and she was able to play with my testicles with her hands.
Just remember to be gentle. That area is _very_ sensitive.

Once your boyfriends starts to cum he (and you) will relax and things hopefully will improve. It did for me. I now cum much easier now.

Hope that helps (and that I wasn't too blunt)!
 
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1nt3rnalc0mbu5t1on responded:

I have to agree with JSS, after being single for a while and using that outlet as often as i wanted, your body does start to get desensitized. I wouldnt go as far as saying he is addicted, but i dont know all the details. If he is rubbing one out once or twice a week, or is he going at it a few times a day? Since it seems like you two have a healthy sex life, he shouldnt have much time to masterbate. That being said, stress can be an erection killer. I know that it makes you feel unattractive and unwanted, in all honesty like JSS said, it is not about you or how you look. Im sure he thinks you are gorgeous and sexy. But often times when these issues start to arrise, we as men put a lot of pressure on ourselves to finish because we want to please you. In doing that it can take the mind off of the "OMG this feels amazing" and put it on a more mental, i think i can track and we focus so much on finishing, that we forget how amazing it really feels.

Perhaps, even go as far as finding out what he fantasizes about or uses for stimulation when your not around, it might be something that the two of you can enjoy together. Have you tried talking to him during sex? Using verbal encouragement to keep him aroused? Sex is not just a touch/sight sensation, it can include many different senses, hearing being one of them. I know your frustrated, but i assure you that it feels amazing for your man and i know how badly he wants to finish for you, because i have been there before. And i saw what it did to my S/O and it was heartbreaking and i just put more and more pressure on myself and it just made things worse.

best of luck!

IC
 
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Anon_54981 responded:
I am now almost 60 divorced and just starting to date someone. I also have an issue in which I don't ejaculate, or not easily, if I'm inside my lady friend. I unfortunately used to have a problem of premature ejaculation, and now just the opposite (which is sort of welcomed!). But one thing I didn't see mentioned earlier is that anti-depressants can also have that effect and make it difficult to ejaculate with extreme friction and a lot of time....


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