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Too much solo sex
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An_253286 posted:
A few times week, my husband will masturbate in the shower instead of us having sex. He has a difficult time talking to me about sex. We have been married to 10 years. He can talk and joke with his friends about sex, or go to a strip club, but not be able to communicate his sexual desires to me. In the past few years, he will always go to the porn sites whenever I'm not home, and then will masturbate. I have tried to talk to him about this subject, but he can never tell me why he does this. I'm at my wits end. It's confusing to always read how the guy usually wants sex more than woman, but after going through menopause, I feel like I'm the only initiator of sex. I have also tried to tell him it hurts my feelings, that he WANTS to look at porn, but never WANTS to have sex with me. When I have made this statement, he usually responds with ... It's not you. Is he just bored with me?? Also, I have told him, I like looking at porn too, lets do it TOGETHER, but he will just do it when he's alone. We are both in our early 50's and very active people. I have even told him, if he looks at porn but then tore my clothes off, I would be fine with that. With what he's doing, it replaces any intimacy for me.
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stevesmw responded:
Masturbation is about pleasing yourself, making love is about pleasing your partner. A guy that cut my hair for a long time said that it was less complicated to masturbate in the shower than to be involved in a relationship.

It isn't about your attractiveness it's about his laziness. He probably considers love making work.

I'm someone who has masturbated my whole life, when a partner was available and when a partner wasn't. To me they have nothing to do with each other. If you have an opportunity to have an orgasm take it. I enjoy pleasing my partner to the extent, I don't even care if I orgasm. Masturbation is a poor second to intercourse but it's a lot easier and less complicated.

If he cares about you and your relationship, he should try to enjoy sexual activity with you.
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
I have to agree with Steve. Your husband is lazy and only is taking care of himself. I'm 50 and have enjoyed porn my entire adult life. I also know I always want a living partner when I can. I want that intimacy as well as the release. You need to be taken care of. Here are some suggestions. Next time your home together and he gets in the shower, get in with him. Take his problem in hand. If your home together and alone, throw in a xxx movie and do what they do on the screen. You want sex, take it. Get a toy or 2 and shock him. If he doesn't want to talk about sex, show him sex. He may figure out you need it also. Some times us 50 year old men forget or just get lazy. Remind him.
Another suggestion: Don't leave him alone long enough to look at porn and masturbate. You stated you have an active life style. Take him with you if you can. I know when I'm home with my gf, we are together. We go everywhere together. Good Luck
 
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Vwrose replied to stevesmw's response:
Your response was helpful, I tried to talk to my husband......but he won't talk about sex. I just went away on a business trip for 6 days, and he still won't talk about sex even on the phone. When I returned, the history on the computer says he went on porn 4 times while I was gone. If he has desires to look at porn.... How come he can't have sex with me. I understand its less complicated.... But it doesn't make ME feel better. And yes, I did take the opportunity myself while I was away, to have my own orgasm!!!!
 
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hairyd replied to Vwrose's response:
Note for you and your husband ---
The penalty for pleasuring oneself in Indonesia is decapitation
This not yours or his little head..
Always remember your penis is unique, just like every man.
 
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hairyd replied to Vwrose's response:
The penalty for pleasuring oneself in Indonesia is decapitation Beware were you travel..
Always remember your penis is unique, just like every man.


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