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lack of sex in a 3 year relationship
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Anon_231200 posted:
I have been with my girlfriend for over 3 Years And Our Sex Life Was re Good then it started dwindling down. And now it goes weeks to now over a month with out. She refused to talk about it and i am feeling really just lost. She is unhappy with work and he self image and her body but she is beautiful. It gets to the point that i finish before i even penetrate. I get very embarrassed at this. I try things to prolong but if i Masterbate she thinks it's cheating. So i dont know what to do. She has gotten mad after i came and it wasn't alot. And now i am at a month without any sex and figured out she has been masterbating. And i am seriously hurt. I don't know what to do
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stevesmw responded:
Your inability to sexually satisfy your girlfriend along with her stress level is reducing her interest in having sex with you.
Things aren't going well in her life and she was hoping that at least she could have a pleasurable sexual relationship.

If she is willing to accept pleasuring that doesn't involve a penis and you are willing and able, you have a chance to turn things around. If she expects a well trained penis immediately you are doomed.

You can't assume your sex life was good. She might have been trying to please you and when she wasn't being pleased lost interest.

Masturbation is a valid alternative when intercourse isn't available and given her remarks and your understanding she is a very unhappy person.

Concentrate on pleasing her and see what direction things are going.

When things were good how long could you last? If you have a PEJ issue you need to work on it with her and first she needs to be receptive to working on your problem.
 
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Anon_231200 replied to stevesmw's response:
She is really hung up on her weight. The job stress comes and goes but the weight is the stickler. The had to change her birth control as well cause her blood pressure was up. She wasnt heavy either. We used to have sex 4 or 5 times a week sometimes multiple times a day. I would come and stay hard and she would get 2 or 3 orgasms. Sometimes more . Good gueds would be a from 30 mins to over a hour and a half. Then when the frequent sex started slowing down the time would get shorter. She does have trust issues that I'm going to leave her or cheat on her. And now she has gone off the birth control whole looking for a new gyno. I should also add im 33 she is 26. She also is experiencing living out in her own (well with me) for the first time. So i know stress does not help her drive. I have tried talking to her and initiating other acts such as mutual oral or hand jobs but it's like she is to tired to even do that. She gets in bed and with
 
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afithisone replied to Anon_231200's response:
Within 10 mins she is out cold. I am to the point i would love to Masterbate and give her a good one so to speak but i am afraid of the accusations of cheating or not wanting her. I feel her hating her self is affecting me as well cause she even during sec is trying to cover herself up where i would like to be caressing every inch of her body. My phone is screwy i apologize the split post
 
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queston replied to afithisone's response:
Well, it is completely unreasonable for her to expect you not to masturbate when the two of you are hardly ever having sex. (And especially if she is masturbating!)

Hell, it's not something we really discuss, but I imagine my wife considers my masturbation a gift, since she's clearly not interested in having sex as often I would like to, and it takes the pressure off of her.

I would say that this is a deal-breaker: if she's not having sex with you then she has no right to expect you not to masturbate.

If you can't reach some agreement on this and move forward, then I think you should seriously consider ending the relationship. If the two of you are this sexually disconnected now, imagine how much worse it might be 15 or 20 years from now.
 
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stevesmw replied to Anon_231200's response:
I could only respond given the information you provided in you original post.

What you are saying is that she is stressed, depressed, insecure and doesn't have a good body image.

If you believe that putting work in to the relationship is something you want to do, you need to put sex on the back burner. She is feeling insecure, because she knows she isn't sexually satisfying you and that leads to trust issues.
Make her feel secure, loved and appreciated and hope for the best.


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