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Erectile Dysfunction
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An_254328 posted:
I have now had this issue with two men over there 40's. It's all based on blood flow. Drugs, weight, smoking all make these issues worsen. My current husband has been on Levitra, Cialis and Viagara, has an immunity to them now so they don't work. What do you do? I am a very sexual person and he won't do anything to alleviate this situation. It's tough, now what. And oh yeah when we were dating (12 years ago) it was oh yeah baby if it doesn't work I will get an implant. Well that ain't happening either. Once again I am stuck in a dead end marriage and its affecting his personality as well. Have at it folks would love to know what you do when the other person refuses to change things and you are married to them. ughhhh
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dfromspencer responded:
As a man, I would say, if he refuses to change, and he is for sure about that, then why stay? Why stay in a marriage where there is no longer any 50/50? How can you be expected to do without, for how ever many more years you live, and not go crazy? You will, you know? Go crazy?

There is no amount of arguing with someone who has already made up his/her mind, that will change their mind!!! That, is an exercise in futility!!!

Give him one last chance, ask him to do something to solve this issue, or see ya later, buddy! No one can expect you to suffer a sexless, albeit a loving marriage, right? You may still love him more than anything, but a person needs to have sex. There are some that can live together without it, more than that, cannot!

Do what your heart tells you, just remember, your decision needs to be final!!!

I wish you lots of luck!!!

Dennis
 
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whimen1956 responded:
In the first place, I believe that marriage is not just all about sex. It's about a lifetime commitment, love, and partnership. That is why during weddings there is a ceremony that tells "till death do as part.." If you really love your partner then you should not stop encouraging him to be a better man. And I believe that ED is treatable with the available meds. You can try looking through this link: www.ed-cures.com


But remember that ED could have underlying causes which you should consult with a doctor. Unless this problem is solved then ED could be very difficult to treat. Apart from medication encourage him to have an active lifestyle and healthy regime. Let him feel that he is loved and accepted so he himself will be encouraged to become better.


Good luck!
 
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kramer1961 replied to whimen1956's response:
Without disagreeing that marriage isn't just about sex, sex IS a big part of marriage. More importantly, when the reason it isn't happening is because one party won't budge and work on the issue its a demonstration of a lack of commitment.

Now, I'll get off my high horse and say something about his issues. Sometimes ED is just temporary, but that doesn't appear to be the situation here. Long term ED often is a precursor of heart disease. The same thing that clogs up his heart is at work on his penis too. Most importantly, with a layer of gunk on his arteries the endothelium can no longer release nitric oxide to cause a relaxation that increases blood flow. The notion that he's become immune to viagra etc is something I've never heard of. More likely he's just gummed up his arteries to the point where it doesn't work any more. And of course psychological effects usually chime in to reinforce his fears. The net result is a permanent softie. I'm guessing he's otherwise very lethargic as well.

If he's not interested in resolving the issue, then you know the decision in front of you, however if he's willing to work on it, then my immediate suggestion would be a very very low fat vegan diet with no meat, dairy or any animal fat or protein whatsoever. Have him try that for 30 days and then take a blue pill. Its quite possible that even in that short a period of time he might experience some positive results. Bottom line if he doesn't have psychological sexual issues, then its somatic. Its treatable as noted above. See the works of Ornish, McDougal etc. He can get that blood flow back IF he wants it. If he doesn't, make your plans accordingly.

kramer
 
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babeswan replied to kramer1961's response:
thank you everyone, and yes Whimen1956 I know marriage is not all about SEX however, it does play a big part. And yes Kramer1961 you are correct. He had a heart attack last year, he is overweight and smokes which exacerbates the issue more. I have been gearing my meals more towards the healthy side but you can't make a person do something they don't want to do. If that were the case he would have stopped smoking long ago. I hate it. Yes I know I married him I thought he would be as kind as he was when I first met him about that fact. Well he's not. Why do people have to change? Aren't they always saying you can't change people? You don't have to they do it by themselves.

He does not have an active lifestyle either. He is a truck driver and has been for years. He's exhausted when he comes home which is understandable.

For the most part the marriage is a happy one, this is just becoming hard to handle emotionally on my side. The other side of this coin is to go outside the marriage to get what I lack. I have had it done to me and its awful. That is what stops me. I can't imagine breaking his heart if he ever found out.

Thanks everyone I love the analyses of it all. You are so smart!
 
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queston replied to babeswan's response:
Well, he does have fingers and a tongue, right? Is he not willing to use them for your pleasure when his penis isn't up to the task? Have you tried using toys together?

ED can actually be kindof a blessing in disguise if it helps a couple branch out and expand their lovemaking repertoire.
 
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sluggo45692 replied to babeswan's response:
I glad you don't want to go outside to get gradification. My father was a truck driver for years, so I know about him not being there. I know it's not the same, but the worry and missing him was there.
2 things you can do for yourself.
1. Get a big life insurance policy on him and show him. Tell him he either changes or you'll collect. Hopefully it shocks him in to see your point of view.
2. You can't change his habits on the road. Change his and your habits at home. If you & he smoke, smoke outside only. Your doing good if you change the diet at home, but have him do other things with you. I remember my dad never wanted to travel very far from home, but find a park to walk in or a walking path. Get closer to nature.

Even after a heart attack, some people won't change. We are all creatures of habit and you have to make the most of the time you have left. So if living with less salt, less smoking, and more loving is what you want, strive for it. The old saying is "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." If he's not going to change, protect yourself and yours. I know a few of old truck drivers, alot are single, ill, and lives alone. My dad included. Good Luck
 
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An_254328 replied to queston's response:
Yes and I think he's depressed about the situation and doesn't want to get excited worried that it isn't going to work. I don't know about you but if I knew I couldn't perform it would be really hard to continously please only the partner. And yes we have used lots of toys and experimented in many ways. We have been together for 13 years.
 
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babeswan replied to sluggo45692's response:
Can't get life insurance on him due to the heart attack, funny I did what you suggested a while ago. lol I cannot even get him to walk on the beach, we live in paradise and he has no desire whatsoever. We do ride our motorcycles together but we each have our own so no closeness there. Thanks for the tips, did you know truck driving is the number one most dangerous job due to how ill you get being stagnant?? DOT is putting things in place which are going to force them to change their lifestyle or they won't be able to drive. We used to drive together, I picked up 10 lbs. ughhh, don't drive anymore, all gone. Thanks again.
 
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kramer1961 replied to babeswan's response:
The problem in your marriage isn't that you're not getting sex, its that he's okay with it even though he knows you're not. Who's looking out for you?

As for why people are different after marriage, its like software; what you saw before was the demo. People have their own agendas. I finally found someone who thinks mine is important, and hers is to me too. I divorced twice. Now I have my life partner. We poke like bunnies, and I'm nearly 60.

You'll either live with it and become still more bitter, or move on. There is no 3rd choice without his involvement.

Best of luck!
kramer
 
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sluggo45692 replied to babeswan's response:
I know their stagnant. Use to work at Flying J. They'd come in and pay for fuel and WOW. Worse was when they came to the dinner counter. Quite a few logs had to be faked, due to the smell. LOL Dad drove stock trucks. We would be woken up in the morning after his run just from the smell alone.

Like I said before, protect yourself. A friend of mine just lost her husband last year. He was a driver for a good company. He had a couple of heart attacks and blood pressure problems. She made sure the house was paid for and her 3 kids (2 by him, 1 a grandson) would be taken care of. She couldn't change him, so she did the next best thing. PREPARED for the final heart attack. Make sure the wills, the living wills and POA's are in order.

I know you love your man. You've been with him for 13 years. Even if you can't change him, enjoy as much of him as you can. Don't let him jump in to the grave, keep fighting to keep him out. Good Luck
 
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Anon_16867 responded:
think about it if he was the one that is a sexual person and you was having female problems and did not want sex..would u want him too stick around or vendor out and get his sexual healing with another..the decision that u make u r the one that has too live with it ..not them...u could find someone a lot worst ...
 
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An_254328 replied to Anon_16867's response:
had one a lot worse I know that, that is what keeps me in my relationship. Like they say jump out of the frying pan into the fire. Hence, this is why I struggle with the decision. I will never ever get married again. You can't control the other persons decisions. I just thank my lucky stars he wasn't as bad as the other a-hole. This is my 3rd marriage, young a dumb #1, thought I found him #2. And I can pretty much guarantee that if I was having sexual problems he WOULD wander. It's happened before. I do know one thing tho, my current husband will not wander because he would be too embarassed because he can't have sex. That is a very disconcerting thought. Is that why he stays??? Think about that one for a minute!
 
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dfromspencer replied to An_254328's response:
I have had e.d. since I was in my mid twenties. Jeep accident while in Korea. Short story, I have nerve damage. I was married at the time, and I did sorta what your hubby is doing, which is nothing! Or, worse, I would pick fights with her just to stay on the couch. I regret it today, but its water under the bridge! If only I knew then what I know now!!! Hey, there is this lil blue pill, not for you, hey there is this other pill. One of them should work! I know, it is the Levitra for me!!! Yes, I was still having some problems with just the pill. I started an exercise regimine, and boy howdy! Plus, I quit smoking those damned cancer sticks, those nasty assed lung cloggers!!! I will never look back! I can actually get wood without the Levitra now! Who knew just what a benefit quitting smoking, and exercising would be? The doctor's, that's who! Theyu kept telling me I would be better, if I would just quit smoking, and my female doc., she says I would get better wood, if I exercised! They were both right!!!!!

I am happy with what I have to do, now! And so is my new squeeze, Kathy!!! Will I ever marry again, for my second time? I.D.K. just yet? I want to adopt a wait and see attitude? Right now, I want to concentrate on my weight training, and get that six pack back, hell i'm only 54!!! I had a nice case going, but that sixer is calling me back, and no, I don't drink much if any, anymore! Not condusive to good health, you know? I eat right, take the skin off my chicken, things like that, and I can see a big improvement!!! I started out slow, and with resistance bands I got for twenty bucks from the local Sporting Goods store. Now, I am at double those bands, with a few dumb bells thrown in. I look pretty amazing for a 54 year old man, if I do say so myself?!!! LOL!!!

I hope you can show your hubby all of these text's? E-mails? no Posts, that's it! I hope you can show him all of these posts, and tell him he can help himself, if he just puts forth a little effort, or? The alternate could be devastating, as in a major coronary, not just a mild heart attack!!!!!! Help him make the right choice!

I used to drive pilot cars around, for the truckers, so I know how busy they can be, I was to! And yet, I manage to do little things while out there, like walk to the local store for things on the road. Walk around the park we were stopped by. Doing little things like that, keeps the blood from pooling in our legs, which is NOT a good thing! Help get him motivated again, tell him you are going to go out and look for an Adonis to take care of you, if he won't even try!!!

I wish you truck loads of luck!!! (Sorry, couldn't resist)!

Dennis
 
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An_254328 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Thanks Dennis, he has been told all that, and then some, refuses to change, I guess sex is not important enough for him to make the change. Even after he had his heart attack he had to quit smoking for 5 days and it got hard right away, what did he do, start smoking again. It restricts your bloodflow duhhh what don't you men get about that???? Like I have said in previous posts you can't make people change their habits. Hence, why get married and be unhappy don't get married, it will change it always does. Good luck getting that 6 pack, I'm 57 don't look it, albeit a little overweight by about 15 lbs. I don't need to look like I did in my 20's, comfortable where I am. Thank you again for the advice. Happy Holidays


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