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Sex frequency in relationship
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robertlow posted:
Hello,

I would like to ask about sex in relationship and the frequency.
I'm in the 10 year relationship. And we are doing it as rarely as once a half year. So my question is, if that is a sexual mismatch ? Because one of the sides would like to do this more often. Is that in real life normal to do this as rare. I'm asking for this, because i'm wondering if it is a good time for changing partner. Because i,m realy unhappy cause of this. Few years ago it was different than now. We had sex more often. Please send sincere replies. Thanks in advance.

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fcl responded:
It doesn't matter what how often everyone else has sex. What matters is that you're not happy with the frequency of sex in your couple.

What does your partner say when you bring the subject up? What have you tried to change the situation?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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kramer1961 replied to fcl's response:
FCL makes an important point. You need to accidentally communicate with your partner about this. As for whether you should change partners, that is easy; if your relationship is exclusively a sexual one, then its time to move on.

Frequency. As a man nearing 60, I can tell you that health issues sometimes dictate frequency. Sometimes we go for months without sex, and then get into a groove where we have it 3 or more times a week. I would prefer more rather than less, but often I'm the reason we're not having more sex. I rarely get turned down, its just that she doesn't like to initiate, and if I'm not feeling up to it, I don't ask. I also prefer to masturbate some of the time because its more immediate, especially if I'm feeling low energy wise.

Occasionally she does initiate and that usually means I've ignored her much too long....lol.

kram
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Frequency depends on each individual? How much do you want/how much does she want? If libido's are mismatched, there are other ways to have sex?! You could masturbate more, and still have a close sexual relationship with her?! She may feel that at this stage of the game, no marriage I;m guessing, is just a moot point for you, while she may desire marriage? She could be holding back for that? Have you really sat down, and talked about this? Deeply? So deep that, neither one of you has the slightest doubt what the other wants, needs to be fulfilled in the relationship? Then, if one side denies the other, that in itself would be grounds for dismissal?


You need to be certain that you have done all you can, in order for you to make an informed decision. Once you have accomplished that, then there should be no doubt as to where each of you stand, right?! Ok, now you can make that decision!


Hope that helps a little?


Dennis
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
Hello robertlow,

What changed? If you unhappy with your partner, sex is just the tip. I'm a firm believer of put out or get out, unless there are legitimate reasons for not having sex. Physical and schedules reasons are a big factor. Decrease drive due to change of life, medical problems, working different schedules, and other family things can decrease sex.

The other folks who responded have very valid points. No matter what we say, you have to live for you. How is the rest of the relationship? How do you want to live? Are you part of the problem? Women, alot of the time, want the man to start things off. Are you asking for sex or starting things off? Are you giving her what she wants? After 10 years, don't be afraid to ask. Your already asking should you leave. What's the worst that could happen? Your partners aren't suppost to shoot you if you ask a question.

What ever you decide, make sure you did everything you could do. You'll stay together or you won't. It's the inbetween that's hard.

Good Luck
 
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robertlow replied to sluggo45692's response:
It all changed during few last years, she started to say that the sex is meaningless for her and she doesn't like it. We had few short talks about that problem, but she always replies about the role of a woman during sex, that she doesn't like to be the passive side of intercourse, that the men's role is better etc.
Like she doesn't like to be woman anymore. And now I'm really tired of persuading those things to her. I'm starting to think that my situation is just a normal thing. As i would found myself in this special cycle of relationship beetwen man and woman. And all things come to an end. And Its time to go on.
 
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stevesmw replied to robertlow's response:
Thanks for getting to the real issue. A woman might prefer to me made love to by a woman because another woman would be more interested in pleasuring their partner. A man can do everything a woman can do and he also has a penis which is optional.


Your partner wants to take the dominant role in lovemaking and probably would prefer to do it with another woman. She may have fantasies of what she would like done to her and can act them out by performing them on another woman.


You haven't said anything to make me believe that you are a controlling person. If she has any interest in sex she should be willing to express her desires so you can act on them, There are also positions where the woman is dominant and some where the partners are equal. I would also rather engage in sexual activity with no intercourse than have no sex at all.
 
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sluggo45692 replied to robertlow's response:
A couple of things I can suggest. You have to ask her, Why is it meaningless and why she doesn't like it? Is it physical or just boring? It's always going to be boring if you just lay there just to let your partner finish inside. Sex is much more than the release of sperm.
Secondly, she's stating she doesn't like the passive side of intercourse and likes the man role better. What does that mean to her? Does it mean she wants to strap on a toy and use it on you? Does it mean she wants to be more active in how sex is being done? She has to tell you what she wants. If she doesn't want to talk or communicate, your at a dead end.

You have to decide what you want. Do you want to be in this relationship? Unless she communicates what she wants or needs, it's your choice. STAY or GO. Whatever you decide, I wish you happiness with it.

Good Luck


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