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    Trying to assess herpes risk
    An_248312 posted:
    I am, to a degree, poly-amorous. I'm currently involved with a woman who is seeking a poly-fidelic relationship with me, meaning a relationship that is exclusive, much as a monogamous relationship is but limited to the bounds of three, rather than two. To be more specific I'm a man, and my partner(woman) has one, and only one other partner who is equally exclusive with her. Turns out her other partner has Genital HSV2. This has me pretty scared. He hasn't had any outbreaks in many years. He uses viral suppressant medication daily. They use condoms every time. She has tested negative several times. I'm trying to evaluate what my risk might be. If she were to test negative tomorrow, and if we were to use condoms every time, what do you figure my odds are of contracting this disease?
    nohard responded:
    Hi I would just walk away, you know the dangers, if you not happy as well just walk away.
    This would the best advice anybody could tell you.
    Do hope this helps.
    Good Luck
    jaysmith1980 replied to nohard's response:
    Except I am happy with her and I don't know the risk... hens why I'm trying to assess the risk...
    sluggo45692 responded:
    Your best bet to assess your risk is ask your MD. He/she will tell you what your chances of getting HSV will be. No matter what your MD or gf or her bf say, it's what your willing to live with and risk to be with her.

    Good Luck
    georgiagail replied to sluggo45692's response:
    It is likely that an MD will give you the conservative view; that while this persons partner is on suppressive medication, has not had an outbreak in years and uses condoms each time, the risk of transmission is not zero since shedding can occur even without an outbreak.

    However, previous testing has shown she is HSV negative and the attraction appears so great regarding this woman that you are likely to continue with the sexual relationship with her (I'm assuming you will also use condoms).

    Quite frankly, your risk is far lower knowing this persons partner IS HSV positive and on medication (and uses condoms) than engaging in sexual contact with someone whose previous partners are unaware of any STD status at all as they've never bothered to undergo testing in the first place.

    nohard replied to jaysmith1980's response:
    Hi So your poly-amorous, if you carry on with this relationship, it could mean you will have to become, just another guy with herpes, but you will be the guy who could have ducked it, that's the real risk.
    So your best bet is to walk, otherwise its goodbye poly-amorous unless its with somebody else with herpes or you will just pass it on.
    Think about it.
    Good Luck
    sluggo45692 replied to georgiagail's response:
    I agree with Gail. The MD will tell you the conservative view. Your partners are practicing safer sex (abstinence is the only safe sex) and is on supressive meds. If your partners are only staying with you and not going outside the circle, your risk is very low. Advise your partners that It has to be: stay on meds, practice safer sex and keep the circle. Stepping out of the circle allows for the possiblity of new problems and concerns.

    Good Luck

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