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confused married womanto a man, kissed her female best friend
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An_255775 posted:
I am so confused on my sexuality my best friend and I had a few drinks last night and ended up kissing and touching each other and I really liked it and cant stop thinking about it. I feel like I cheated but not.. I am so confused now. I love my husband of 17 yrs and he is the only person I have ever been with sexually. I dont know what to do. Advice please.
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bigred53 responded:
Chalk it up to the alcohol. A lot of us do things out of the ordinary when we've been drinking. Are you happy with your husband and your sex life? Have you ever been attracted to a woman before or been aroused thinking about having sex with another woman?

I really doubt that you're a closet lesbian or even bisexual. She is your best friend and I think it was an isolated incident.

Don't worry about it and try not to over think it.

Michelle
 
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nohard responded:
Hi, This your find is a very common thing to happen, lots of women do this with there friends, you can either put it down to experience and leave it there, or you have a talk with your friend and some how bring you fillings into the talk and so how it goes.
Its not uncommon for friends to get together for an afternoon and just enjoying one and other in bed together, then go home and enjoy love making with there husbands.
Helps them to relax and enjoy life another way, but don't think of it as being lesbian, your just friends taking a break.
Do hope this helps you.
Good Luck
 
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fcl replied to nohard's response:
Nohard, what you describe there is more a male fantasy than a reality. Yes, it happens but it's not as rife as you'd suggest. Do you really think that women have all afternoon to bedhop? Seriously? And are you really encouraging her to cheat on her husband?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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nohard replied to fcl's response:
fcl perhaps you need to read a bit more on sex life's of women, see I used to read a mag called Forum. its not in print now, it was a human relationship mag, it was very well read in its day, my info comes letters written by women.
Sorry but you can take it any way you like, but there, there if you can find some old Forums to read.
But would you call that cheating? just some harmful sexual rendezvous with her friend, and that is it.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
My advice, talk to your husband, maybe he will like the idea? He may even want to watch? What a turn on that would be, eh??? Then, maybe you two girls would like to include the hubby? I know I sure would like that?


Naw, I'm a one woman kind of guy!!! But, YOU GO GIRL!!!


Dennis
 
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billnjenn responded:
Interesting nohard gets his sex knowledge from forum magazine, that explains a great deal. Kind of like people getting their news from the Daily show.

Many women that enjoy the company of another women are neither Lesbian or Bisexual. A common misconception. Women unlike men can enjoy such an afternoon and are by nature attracted to other women even though most never have occasion to act upon what some of us have found to be very enjoyable.

Don't you know your husband well enough to know whether he is the kind of inhibited messed up sexually repressed guy that would be upset about you and another women or turned on by it?

I have enjoyed being with other women and my husband usually watching or participating. But always with his knowledge. We may have sex with others but we never cheat. Its only cheating if you lie about it or hide it.

Take it up with your husband if you want to pursue something you clearly enjoyed very much. If you think he would be upset enough for it to hurt your relationship that either never tell him or be ready for splitsville.

Rare is the man that would turn down the opportunity to watch, participate or at least hear the details during foreplay.

IF you are married to a good man it should not be a problem, if he is jerk a you have a decision to make.
 
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billnjenn replied to bigred53's response:
Alcohol rarely makes us do something we would not want to do sober. Usually just lowers inhibitions to do thinks we would like to do sober but felt we shouldn't because of some rule that has been forced upon us.

She most likely has a desire to enjoy some kissing and the touch and to touch other women, just never had the opportunity when her inhibitions were lowered.

In no way does it make her a closet lesbian or bisexual. In fact more such encounters happen between "straight" women than either other category. Almost half of women under 30 have had some sexual content with another women while less than 8% consider themselves gay or bisexual.
 
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kramer1961 replied to billnjenn's response:
bisexuality is analog not binary. We are all on a sliding scale in one direction or the other. The original poster has just discovered that she's a little less hetero than she thought. No big deal. On the other hand, petting with someone else when you are married, if that isn't too obsolete an expression IS a cheat, game over.

It was spontaneous, and I'd suggest the original poster put it behind her and think how to avoid in future, at least to the extent she values her marriage.

kram
 
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billnjenn replied to kramer1961's response:
I appreciate your point of you and in my post I agreed that without consent it is a cheat. Does not mean her husband would not forgive and possibly even enjoy the situation.

As far as the theory that everyone is on a sliding scale from homo to hetero sexual, it is just a theory that is not an accepted opinion.

But beyond that a women that is completely heterosexual can enjoy some fun with another women and many have and do.

There are those that are completely into women for awhile and then completely into men. Some psychologists and many in the gay community do not believe there are any true bisexuals. While others say there are no true heterosexuals, only those on a sliding scale of bisexuality.

Women are far more likely to end up in a situation with another women, while it almost never happens to a male who seem to be far more defined as gay or straight.
 
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bigred53 replied to billnjenn's response:
So are you bill today or Jenn? Or maybe you are one body with multiple personalities.

Once again, whoever you are today, you are hypercritical of others who post ideas, experiences, opinions that are different than yours. And in such a way that you give the impression that you are far superior than anyone else.

Please try to offer your advice based on your experiences only without belittling others.

And btw, maybe the two of you should take a reading comprehension course too.

Michelle
 
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nohard replied to billnjenn's response:
Which to whom you are today, just a bit of interest for you, Forum mag was a ground breaking when you think it first come out in 1969, so were was you then, no doubt just a glint in somebody's eye, I would not put it against any daily paper.
you would find even today the subjects it covered and by the ground breaking sexologists that were around then, I would not knock it, perhaps that's how you got here by your parents reading it.
It covered far more on sex than you will ever read about.
 
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billnjenn replied to bigred53's response:
Seems you have a real problem that my husband and I post here together regardless who is typing. You may want to seek help to find out why our good relationship troubles you.

IF this were 60 years ago and you were here posting opinions and ideas that were in general acceptance then, and someone came on and contradicted you with what we now accept as fact, you would have had the same response to them as you have to us now.

Someone may have the belief that if they have enough faith, they will be cured and they should not take medicine. I can tell them they are entitled to their faith, but if they want to be cured there is medicine and they should take it.

You an choose to believe anything you like about sex, relationships or any other issue, but when known facts contradict you, attacking the messenger is not a solution.

So much has been learned in the last 20 years by scientific testing that has contradicted many past beliefs, that commonly accepted theories of Freud and others are no longer considered valid.

We try and offer information, not seat of our pants guess work or some fantasy we read in Penthouse forum. We often include the caveat that while the facts indicate a certain path, if another works for both of you, ignoring reality is an option.

If you think masturbation will make you go blind, we will not tell you that you are not permitted to think that, only that it isn't true, but you are entitled to your beliefs. Now that is an oversimplified example to make my point more apparent.

Some thinks work for us as a couple that I would not recommend to others. Most people just do not have that strong a relationship or communicate as well.

As we have said there is no problem if both(or more) parties agree. The problems arise when one party thinks the others activities are "not normal". At that point that person may have to realize that they actually mean "not acceptable to me based on how I developed" and that they me objecting to something only because they think they should.

Another example that comes up often is watching erotica or as most call it porn. We know with certainty and by we, I mean the scientific community that ALL men and women by nature are aroused by seeing others naked or in a sex act(with some limited exceptions). If we claim otherwise it is our attempt to go against our nature because we have been taught its is wrong. So if I am angry at someone doing something I was told was wrong, but in reality is very normal and natural, that information can help me better understand where the problem lies and find a compromise if not change my mind entirely.

Basically some of you offer what you read in Penthouse forum or what you were told you should think, or what works for you. And as far as that goes, if it works for you no one is saying you should change.

I understand that when someone with actual knowledge and facts states something that disagrees with your long held belief you want to attack them. Has happened to scientists since the world was flat. IF you are happy thinking the world is flat, we are not going to tell you to change. But we are not going to pretend you beliefs are correct or that others should accept them.

Beyond that I am tired of explaining so go ahead and attack what you don't understand if it makes you feel better. We will share knowledge and facts and its up to each to stay in the dark ages or mature and be enlightened.
 
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billnjenn replied to nohard's response:
Not sure other than to assume our age and attempt again to insult us what point your post has.

Penthouse forum when it was part of Penthouse magazine and then when it became a separate publication did discuss many issue and was an opportunity for men to write in about their fantasies, sometimes claiming truth.

We have not only looked at copies of many of that magazine but dozens of others doing the same thing was well as Erotica well over 2000 years old and much of what existed in between. For you to think that magazine was unique or offered information continues to show the flaws in your thinking and a severe lack of education in the areas of sex, relationships, erotica, psychology and learning.

Whether we were alive in 1969 when you became aware of this kind of writing, letter to playboy, columns by Zavier Hollander, Marilyn Chambers to name just a few from that time period, does not mean that one or both of us has not examined and studied them, not only ourselves by examinations of that genre by researchers, educators, etc.

IF you are saying you believe that those stories have significant knowledge that would help people here solve their issues you have greater problems than even I had thought.
 
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bigred53 replied to billnjenn's response:
I am not questioning your intelligence. I am questioning your 'approach'. It seems to me and to others as well that the two of you feel far superior and knowledgable than the rest of us mere humans.

If you want to show us how smart you are kindly learn how to spell and use proper grammar.

Have a nice day.

Michelle


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