Skip to content


    Attention All WebMD Community Members:

    These message boards are closed to posting. Please head on over to our new WebMD Message Boards to check out and participate in the great conversations taking place:

    Sex Life or Lack there of
    superchickie2003 posted:
    It has been almost 4 months since my husband and I have been intimate with one another. I tend to not think about sex as I am the type of person who can take it or leave it. I want to be intimate with my husband but the drive just isn't there. What are some things I can do to get my sex life back? I am still newly married and want to make sure that I don't fail my husband by not meeting all of his needs. Please offer me some advice before it's too late. Has anyone else experienced this?
    dfromspencer responded:

    Oh yes, I hate to say this, but yeah, it happens to a lot of women! Menopause is the biggest killer of sex drive in women, but it can happen to anyone! An historectomy can also kill your libido? You may have an hormonal imbalance? The best thing you can do for yourself is, GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR! Tell him/her what the problem is, they have all heard it before, so don't be shy?!

    With any luck, you can at least up your sex drive? If its your hubby, then he too should see his doctor? And, you could try some other things, the best being a new courtship? Woo you hubby, yes, us men do respond to flattery?! Buy us little things that mean something to us/him? Bring him flowers for no special reason, talk dirty to him in bed. dress sexily. There is just soooo many things you could do, to rev up his motor, as long as the transmission still works, and the drive shaft goes, you will be fine?!

    I hope some of this may help? Don't be shy, come back as many times as you need to?! We will always be here for you! Yes, the others will be commenting shortly, I hope? LOL!!! One of us will hit on the proper key, just watch?!

    Good luck!

    superchickie2003 replied to dfromspencer's response:
    Hi Dennis,

    I have mentioned this to my doctor before about not having a sex drive to be intimate with my husband. My doctor told me that there must be something subconsciously I am thinking about and I told her no and that was the end of the conversation. I have been tested for some sort of hormonal imbalance and the test results came back as normal. I am only 28 so I don't think I could be going through menopause, and I am not having any of the symptoms of menopause. I do have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) but that should not be impacting my sex life. I would really like a baby with my husband but how am I supposed to have my baby if I can't even be intimate with him?

    Thank you.
    kramer1961 replied to superchickie2003's response:
    Jessica, you and your husband have mismatched libidos. Its more the rule than the exception in relationships. How many people have exactly the same appetites at the dinner table?

    Was your husband aware of your lack of libido before you married? One of the most important issues with sex is not miss-setting your partner's expectations.

    Your doctor probably doesn't know much about enhancing your libido because _nobody_ does. Even with men, its not just a case of increasing their testosterone. Sometimes that helps, and sometimes it doesn't. Viagra increases the ability to have an erection, but has no effect on libido, so you see we aren't very far along in understanding this issue with either sex.

    You might ask about a testosterone supplement. Women only need a fraction of it that men do, but it has been known to help some women. In fact, there are even some testosterone creams for women that are applied directly.

    fcl replied to superchickie2003's response:
    Actually, one of the most common symptoms of PCOS is a low sex drive. It's a hormonal condition.

    If all you doctor could suggest was that you must have something on your mind it's time to change doctors. I suggest you get a new gyn and discuss your syndrome with her/him. If all you
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
    nohard responded:
    Hi You say you have not felt intimate, but you have not said about him, has he been trying, or is he just sitting back and waiting for you to kick in with you sex life.

    You could try some DHEA, its a hormone, google DHEA for women and have a read, you could also try some Tribulus, its a herb, now both of these work this way, they will boost your testosterone, lift your libido and kick up you energy levels, the Tribulus takes around 8 weeks to get to full power, and see how things go.

    But talking to doctors about sex, for some unknown reason sex and doctors don't mix, your find there best answer is, its in your head, whether your a man or a women.

    One other thing you could try is Viagra for women, its out there, and its not a joke, just google it, that might help as well.

    But these are just some suggestions.

    Good Luck
    billnjenn responded:
    It would be helpful to know more about your husbands feelings and the interaction between the two of you. Does he initiate intimacy and you refuse? Or does it never come up? What are your ages? Did you have desire before marriage? What changed? Medications?

    One simple solution experts recommend is scheduling intimacy. Put it on your calender. Whatever frequency works for you, and make sure you make time and yourself available on a regular bases whether it is twice a day, twice a week or twice a month or anywhere in between.
    billnjenn responded:
    Viagara for women is in testing and is NOT available on the market. Many snake oil sales people will say they have a product that is like Viagara for women. But FDA testing is not complete and a REAL product, not some concoction some guy in a back room through together is not on the market.

    DHEA can be harmful to people with many conditions and should not be used randomly without your doctors knowledge. You need to be careful what advice to take. Just because its on the internet does not mean there is any truth to it. This is why practicing medicine without a license is illegal and many of these companies advertising cures end up in trouble with the law. That is why most of the avoid actually claiming they will help cure anything. They leave it to anecdotal claims of the gullible and naive or the fictional or compensated.
    nohard replied to billnjenn's response:
    Well so what's all this then?
    Perhaps its all fake then, just joke sites?
    nohard replied to billnjenn's response:
    So your other half will know all about snake oil sales then.

    DHEA sorry for got to add it can have the odd funny side effect with the odd person.

    But I have been on it for the last three years and my wife as well, still here, had no side effects and nor has my wife.

    But then I did say for her to read up about DHEA for women, did I not?

    Just Cheap shots taken by cheap people.
    Please do get a life.
    billnjenn replied to nohard's response:
    When you link to sites like those and think it helps your case, there is really very little need of my reply or thought you are capable of understanding a reply.

    As far as DHEA not apparently harming you being a reason to recommend it for others? There is again so much wrong with that statement it is difficult to know where to begin.

    The possibility of a supplement being of benefit versus the possibility is could do harm is something every person will have to determine for themselves. Hopefully they will do authentic research, not just some guy with anecdotal testimony or some website selling a product.
    billnjenn replied to nohard's response:
    DHEA may cause side effects related to other hormones. Women may experience symptoms such as oily skin, increased unnatural hair growth, a deep voice, irregular periods, smaller breast size, and increased genital size. Men may experience breast tenderness, urinary urgency, aggression, or reduced size of the testes. Other side effects that may occur in either sex include acne, sleep problems, headache, nausea, skin itching, and mood changes. DHEA may also affect levels of other hormones, insulin, and cholesterol. Safety information is lacking on the long-term effects of DHEA. DHEA may increase the risk of prostate, breast, and ovarian cancers. It is not suggested for regular use without a health professional's care.
    billnjenn replied to billnjenn's response:
    Most doctors say DHEA should not be used if you have every been diagnosed with cancer or it runs in your family. Especially women who have had ovarian or breast cancer or men with prostate cancer.

    But hey you know better and tell people to just try it, because you know better, it only might have some slight side effects in the odd person according to you, after all what do real doctors know compared to those who google and get there information from sites that sell the product.
    billnjenn responded:
    Apparently some people still do not understand what Viagara does. And recommending it to someone that lacks an interest in sexual activity is evidence of that fact. Viagara does not increase desire, it does not put anyone in the mood, or arouse a man nor would it a women. It simply helps with blood flow the enables a man who is aroused achieve an erection.

    It is on the internet, it must be true. That should be at the bottom of what most posters hand out as information.

    Again getting back to actual help for you superchickie2003, we need more specifics about you, your husband and your relationship to give actual help. So far its like someone went into a Doctors office and said they were sick and receptionist told them to eat some moldy bread.
    tmlmtlrl replied to billnjenn's response:
    What's your deal? It was a suggestion..

    Why is it you seem to believe people who come here and ask advice are complete morons that won't think twice about what people suggest to them.

    The fact that nohard believes DHEA works for them is a perfectly logical reason to suggest someone else look into it.

    I get that you're trying to "get the truth out there" in your own way, but in reality you're making it uncomfortable around here.

    Maybe don't try so hard? You can state your thoughts, opinions, and facts and then move on. Just because you say it louder and longer doesn't mean anyone hears you any better.

    Helpful Tips

    wallgreens lol seriously
    I went on wallgreens looking for a curling iron. and i found some toys.. and inexpensive.. lol... i was lol... came in a box, very discreet ... More
    Was this Helpful?
    0 of 0 found this helpful

    Related Drug Reviews

    • Drug Name User Reviews

    Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

    FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

    For more information, visit Dr. Becker-Phelps' website