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Can't seem to enjoy sex...
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An_256809 posted:
I'm a senior in high school, and I lost my virginity in December, although I had tried to lose it (with my boyfriend of over a year, who has been very kind and supportive about all of this) 3-4 times before it actually worked. When I say "worked" it's because we literally just could not get it in there. During one of the attempts, it was even painful for him, which isn't something I've heard of happening very often. He's pretty well-endowed, and I seem to be very, very small. One of the issues may be that I just haven't been loosened up much since I've never been a fan of fingering and my period has always been crazy irregular, so I haven't used as many tampons as most girls probably have by this age. I really don't think the issue was not enough foreplay or lubrication, and yes, I was nervous, so I know I was probably clenching the muscles down there and making it even more painful for myself. It's not a pain tolerance thing, either, I actually have a pretty high pain tolerance. But what my biggest issue is, what causes me to get so emotional about this all the time, is that even though we finally got it to work and it's happened about 10 or 11 times since then, I still don't enjoy it, at all, whatsoever. It still hurts when it goes in, less than it did the first few times, but still quite a bit (and not from squeezing the muscles, I've gotten pretty good at doing my best to relax them) and once it stops hurting, I really don't feel much of anything at all ): This is complete torture, because every single day I hear from one of my other girl friends how much they "love sex" and it constantly makes me want to cry that for some reason I can't enjoy it. I feel like a freak, and like there must be something wrong with me. Before someone suggests this, it's not that I don't love my boyfriend enough, either. I wanted him to be the one to do it, and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't know if it's because of the vivid memory I have of the pain, that causes me to anticipate how it's going to feel... or that I have a bad tendency to completely separate my brain from my body when this kind of stuff is happening... I have no idea why I just can't seem to enjoy it. This is really taking a toll on me, and I don't know what to do. This is supposed to be something fun and loving and it's more of a chore, where I just suggest it to see if it'll finally feel good and it never does. Losing my virginity was probably one of the most miserable experiences of my entire life because of how long it took, and the motional stress (there were a LOT of tears, not many girls have to try 3 times before they can even have sex for the first time--he tried to push it in but it just couldn't get in there) and now that I've actually lost it I still can't enjoy it. I just want to be able to like one of the biggest parts of relationships and life, and I can't.
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nohard responded:
Hi well for one thing your still very young, not being from the USA so don't really know what kind of age group senior high would be?
So your not very happy having sex would be the main thing your talking about? yes
For one thing your still young, and your experiencing pain and some minor problems, one of these would be lack of experience.
I don't want to go on trying to put you right, one thing you need to do a lot of reading.
It takes a lot more than putting a naked girl and boy in a bed and say make love, OK fro some it magic, others like you it just pain.
So go to the site, www.dodsonandross.com and Dr Betty Dodson. ok on there, its like all the questions you cant ask Mum, then on there are all the answers plus more.
Betty is the queen of female masturbation and how to orgasm, she spends her life taken one orgasm at a time.
Every thing you ever want to know is on there, so this should answer all you questions and problems, if not just post to Dr Betty Dodson.
I do hope this helps you.
Good Luck
 
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sluggo45692 replied to nohard's response:
I agree with Nowhard,
Take your time and explore. If your cycle is out of wack, your having anxiety about sex, and your bf is large (in your opinion) you have to relax. Self exam and masturbation helps calm your anxiety, because you explore what you have.
Sound like bf is taking it slow and that is a very good thing. Because your in H.S., I'm sure you don't have a lot of time to yourselves. Showering together and exploring each other's body helps with relieve the anxiety also. Sex is more than him putting himself inside of your vagina. You have to be comfortable with the idea of it and foreplay plays a vital role in that.
Sometimes him exploring with his lubed fingers relaxes you. You have to get use to your partner touching you. That's a lot of anxiety in itself. That area has always been taboo and now you want someone to touch it. Take your time. You will enjoy it.

Good Luck
 
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mogarmanhunter responded:
It sounds like you need to seriously lube up for real. You probably not very wet from the mental anticipation of pain. If I had thought my dick was gonna get injured it would make me go limp from mental fear. Lube it up and make yourself want it BAD. It will take a little time but you will get it. Before you know it you will be able to fit a grapefruit in there lol...


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