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Nuva Ring is affecting my girls libido and our relationship
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An_256873 posted:
When we first got together we would have sex like rabbits. Everything was great every time, every where, and every way....and I know she was loving it. She had mentioned to me how the Nuva Ring was hurting her sex drive before me but it wasn't apparent at the time at all. Now I understand things are like that in the beginning but now it's like the deafening silence of crickets in the night. I looked up some side effects online and other peoples' take on it. One girl said she couldn't wait for her boyfriend to finish so that he could get off her....another said she gets a burning feeling like razors and dry quickly. I asked my girl if she felt like this and if she only has sex because she knows I always want it and she answered yes to all of them. I mean if we don't go for 3 weeks to a month without sex it's like no big deal to her. Sex....to me....isn't all about me. I live to see / listen to / feel her enjoy it as much as I do. Unless she knows I'm frustrated about it, or I do something to initiate it, she won't come on to me like she used to and another day goes by without it. She "says" she's gonna change her birth control next gyno visit but....we'll see. I told her if she doesn't that it's pretty messed up and she agreed. I mean it seems awkward just laying in bed with her knowing she doesn't want it and I'm gonna look / feel like a hornball trying to get laid. Am I wrong for being frustrated or angry at the whole situation....and how do I cope?

Thanks
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An_256873 responded:
I mean the Nuva Ring is the ultimate in birth control....next to abstinence. It kills two birds with one stone. For one: it makes you not even want to have sex and two: it'll prevent you from getting pregnant in the event that you DO actually HAVE SEX. I might be a guy but I still want to feel desired / wanted from my girl. I want to know she's into me just as much as I am into her. It crushes my confidence / ego and makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. I work hard in the gym and eat right to stay in great shape....I want her to not be able to keep her hands off of me. But how can that happen if she doesn't first put them in me. I love her....I really do. And she knows how I feel about it all. I've basically thrown in the towel with trying and just put it at "well I guess we'll just have sex at times you're ready." But if things don't change, I'm out. I have to look out for my own wants / needs. I don't think wanting to have sex with my girl, and her WANTING IT TOO, more than once a month ( at least once a week ) is unreasonable or excessive.
 
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nohard replied to An_256873's response:
Hi Well at least your trying to be helpful, by coming here.


But when she changes keep her off depo shot just to many bad side effects for some women, you can always google depo shot side effects for her she will see for herself then,


She could have an IUD, or one of the many BC pills.


But when she does change, tell her to take a break from the ring let her body get back to normal, may take a month, so for you it will be back to the condoms.


This way you can see if her libido picks up over that time, or not knowing how long she has the her gyno ap, try getting her to ditch the ring now, so she can see how it goes with her libido, she may enjoy the relief she gets from it.


Hope this helps.


Good Luck
 
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anonymous_300 replied to nohard's response:
I feel like if I pry again, too soon, about the ring; that it might set her off. I feel like I have no choice but to wait to see if she changes her BC with her next gyno visit. But am I wrong for feeling the way that I do?
 
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sluggo45692 replied to anonymous_300's response:
I agree with nowhard, avoid the Depro shot at all cost. I went without for 2 years because my ex-wife wouldn't change. After splitting up for over 2 weeks and marriage counceling, she changed. It wasn't great, but at least I did get some sex. It was never the same. This is my personal opinion and if I know women on it, I would advise get off of it.
I like the thought of the ring, but any bc has side effects. Each woman is different and reacts differently to bc. It will take time to adjust to any bc. Give her the time. It's her body, you just borrow it on occasion.
I would let her take her time than rush her and hurt her. If she will help you take problem in hand, then go with it. Other than that, wait.

Good Luck
 
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An_256873 replied to sluggo45692's response:
Wait....you went without sex for two years? I don't think the Depro Is on the table right now. I think she might switch to the pill.
 
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nohard replied to anonymous_300's response:
Hi So just get her off the ring for now till the gyno's visit and just is case sex is on offer use condoms.


So you need to be straight with her, tell her you have been here looking for advice, and your doing this because you love her and love making love with her, and you trying to help get things going again.


And get some condoms in.


Good Luck
 
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An_256873 replied to nohard's response:
Good advice. I'm not sure she'll go for the condoms bit but I will exain to her that the sex / love making is important to me. It's just hard for me to explain and not get frustrated.

I'll do my best...thanks again
 
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sluggo45692 replied to An_256873's response:
I tried to be a loving and caring husband. I got tired of the "not tonight, I'm tired, or the usual don't touch me." I tried bringing in extra money. She blew it as fast as I made it. I tried giving her what she wanted and got brushed off. Spending money on her made her happy, not horny.
We were married about 10 years at that point. My son was 2 and she had been on the meds for about 1.5 years. The last time I had gotten any was when my son was about 4 months old. She started on the shots right after her 6 wk check up. She love it. no periods. No mood swings (total B***H mode) The last 6 months I worked 2 full time jobs and overtime at the 2nd job.
At year 2, I moved out, got counceling with her. I told her and the councelor I could put up with about anything, if I only got sex. One afternoon, I got a BJ that ended up costing me another 5 miserable years. It took 3 years to divorce her. I was married to her for 19.5 years.
I'm not saying I'm the perfect husband. I work, clean house, do laundry, cook, take care of things. All I wanted from her was sex. After the 2 years, the marriage was pretty much over.
Yea, I have a thing about Depro. BC's in general changes a woman body chemistry. Take it slow and talk to her and her to her doctor. BC's can take a long time to regulate and finding the right match for you and yours.

Good Luck
 
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An_256873 replied to sluggo45692's response:
My goodness that's like a nightmare and seems like she didn't appreciate anything. I just don't see / know where the change happens and why to go from blazing sex to absolutely dryness. Can any women chime in in this with some helpful insight?
 
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bigred53 replied to An_256873's response:
I really don't know if I can help because I have never had that problem even when I was on birth control pills I had a very high libibo and when I didn't have a partner I have always masturbated regularly. I'm 60 now and post menopausal and I still get dripping wet when aroused.

Is your gf on any other medications? There are a lot of medications that can affect libido and lubrication. Something as simple as an OTC decongestant can 'dry' up other areas of your body than just a runny nose.

There are other medical conditions that can affect libido also. A thyroid problem is one. Hormone imbalances too. What about stress? Is she stressed out about anything?

Patience and caring on your part can go a long way towards solving the problem. Communication without blame is necessary. Let her know that you want to help her fix the problem.

Most women need quite a while to become aroused - let alone to orgasm - often an hour or more. Most of us also need direct clitoral stimulation with penetration - I most certainly do. Learn to use your mouth and hands to help her climax. Make sure she climaxes first. I believe that I am responsible for my own climax. It is not a man's job to 'give' me one or 'make' me cum. Sure I love men and I enjoy pleasuring them and I enjoy the pleasure they bring me but I can take care of myself too.

Have you ever talked to her about introducing toys into your sex play? A lot of times a woman does need a vibrator on her clitoris. Don't think that makes you any less of a man. And don't forget about mutual masturbation. I love watching a man pleasure himself and most of the men I have known love watching a woman play with herself.

IMO sex play should be fun. Don't be too serious about it. Relax and enjoy as much as you can. It may take a while but I'm sure you and your gf will work things out if you both want it to.

Michelle
 
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anonymous_300 replied to bigred53's response:
Ok I'm gonna try and hit all your points....and a lot of valid ones you made. I know for a fact that this has affected her last three relationships before me because she told me. She's not on any medications other than when she gets a migraine....so I don't take that into consideration. She really doesn't have a problem getting dry because I keep her arouses during foreplay and during sex. It's the burning, as a side effect of the Nuva Ring, that comes into affect. As far as stress goes, yes she's been stressed the past 6 months or so from losing her job and having to find a new one. So I kind of think that might be coming into play. But she was working while in her other relationships so I'm not sure what happened back then for the intimacy to fall off. Getting her aroused and wet isn't a problem. I ALWAYS use my mouth and hands to warm up the oven and ALWAYS make sure she orgasms before I do. That's the point with me....it's more about watching/hearing/feeling her enjoy me and our sex than me finishing. That's why sex is important to me. I'm good at it and love for my girl to enjoy me. For me it really is a way to express my feelings for her....a connection. While we're having sex neither her or I have to use our hands for her to orgasm. I'm hoping this new job will lower her stress levels for her to come back around as well as getting rid of the Nuva Ring. Should I just not press the issue and hope that she starts to change? And if so how much time do I give it?

Thanks again
 
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bigred53 replied to anonymous_300's response:
I've got to say good for you!!! I wish I had a solution or more advice to offer.

I'd say that if her libido doesn't improve after the removal of the Nuva Ring and she settles into her new job I'd start a dialog about the lack of sex. Don't be accusatory though.

It might not hurt for her to get her thyroid tested and her hormones levels checked. It could be that simple.

My other question is does she turn you down when you initiate? And does she get into it even if she wasn't enthusiastic in the beginning? Does she ever initiate?

I really do feel for you. I'm sure being in a relationship and having mismatched libidos is very difficult. In the mean time you might have to resort to taking care of yourself but I would do it in front of her - that's what I would do if I was horny and my man didn't feel up to it but then I'm not shy about being a horny old broad.

You might want to tell her nicely the old addage - use it or lose it. It really is true.

As for a time frame, I'd give it at least a month after the Nuva Ring is removed.

Good luck. You sound like a really great guy.

Michelle
 
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anonymous_300 replied to bigred53's response:
Now, if for some reason she doesn't change out the Nuva Ring at her next gyno appointment, do I have reason to be mad? Only reason I'm asking is because I've brought up the issue enough times that she knows it bothers me and said she was gonna change it out to try and fix it....which I appreciate. I won't say that she "turns me down" but if I'm grazing my hands or fingers over her, she might giggle and take my hand and move it off her. Or while we're laying there, she might yawn or say she's not feeling well. Knowing how her sex drive is, I just take these as hints telling me she's not interested before anything ever starts. She used to initiate things, and be way more sensual, sexy, and "into it" but now I feel if I don't initiate it, or she knows I'm frustrated, things won't happen. And when she does crawl on me, it's nowhere near how it used to be. Once she's into her zone, she's good to go until she tells me it feels like my d*ck has razors on it because the lovely side effect of the Nuva Ring makes her vagina burn and even spot (blood). I guess we'll see what happens with her stress relief from her new job and the hopeful removal of the Ring.
 
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bigred53 replied to anonymous_300's response:
IMO since she has told you she was going to get rid of the Nuva Ring and she didn't do it then yes I feel you have a reason to be mad. Dang, I'd have gotten rid of the NR a long time ago if it did that to me.

I do think that more communication might be helpful - away from the bedroom.

Have you tried to continue even if she has moved your hand away?

I do wish I had some magic solution for you. I don't because I have never had anything like this happen to me. Heck, if I didn't feel like having sex I would probably give my man a good bj at least. Does she even do that?

Let us know what happens, OK?

Michelle


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