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I'm confused, I feel I was sexually taken advantage off
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An_257330 posted:
So I'm female and I'm 18 now and looking back to when I suppose I was 7 or 8 (my memory is very blurry of this time) but any way I've been having trouble a lot these past few years with trying to forget about this time in my life. But when I was 7-8 my 3 cousins lived with me, one of them was a girl and was older than me. I don't even remember when this exactly started but I can remember that she would touch me and I would be okay with it I mean I was 7-8 I didn't understand what this was, she would get me to touch her as well and thought this was okay I didn't know any better. Other things would happen I remember one time she tried to show me how people kiss. I don't remember everything that went one but a few times my friend would be involved, i don't even remember when this stopped. But it certainly did before I turned 9. I don't understand what was wrong with me, why? Did that go on? Why did I not think anything of it back then? Now looking back I feel disgusted I can't talk to anyone this is the first time I've said something. I feel sick every time I think of this, no matter how hard I try to forget it always comes back into my mind. What's wrong with me? I don't understand what went on o just want to forget but I can't understand it. I want to tell my boyfriend and my mum but I don't know how or what to say
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stevesmw responded:
My wife was diagnosed with PTSD at age 40 from sexual abuse suffered at an early age. It had been repressed for a long time and I am sure her recovered memories are true.


You need to talk to your mother and get professional help.
Families tend to want to sweep these things under the rug and minimize it. No one wants to deal with it. Assuming she is receptive and willing to get you into therapy you need to find the right therapist. This is not easy. Therapy is painful and things may get worse before they get better. You should deal with it anyway. You are young and don't want to be haunted by this for a long time. It effects relationships and the quality of your life.


Regarding your boyfriend talk to a therapist first before discussing it with him.
 
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nohard responded:
Hi From what your saying, one thing if very clear, you do need to get this open with somebody, I would start with your Mum.


A Mum is a girls best friend, they say, so do hope yours is, start off by telling her a story, if need be sit down and write it all down, you can sit with her and go through it all as a story, then tell her the person in the story is you, what she has just heard is all true, if you can get this friend to back your story up, if she will.


After you have done this things in your brain may get better once the weight of guilt has been passed on.


If you fill your still shouldering guilt seek psychiatrist help, perhaps with help you can forget this ever happened in your short life.


This way you can restart your life, having got rid of the pain your now carrying.


But you must go through with this.


Good Luck
 
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kramer1961 responded:
You were an 8 year old girl, cut yourself some slack. The problem isn't what you did then, but how you feel about it now.

There is nothing to tell your Mom or boyfriend. You were growing up. They have their own stories of discovery too. You might as well confess to them that you occasionally have bowel movements.

kram
 
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georgiagail replied to kramer1961's response:
I agree with kramer1961, These type of exploratory episodes between girls of those ages isn't all that unusual. If you went into therapy it is likely a counselor would make that point to you and that should (hopefully) bring you some comfort.


Gail
 
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nohard replied to georgiagail's response:
GG and Kramer, The one thing we don't really know is what was done, how often and how ingrained it is in her memory.
Some things people carry for the whole of there lives, and anything that small that happens brings it all back.


When it comes to sexual matters, these can go a lot deeper, because it will just come back anytime somebody touch's her body.


Just try putting yourself in her place, if you can.


NOWHARD
 
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georgiagail replied to nohard's response:
"just try putting yourself in her place, if you can".


Knock it off.


Gail
 
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bigred53 replied to georgiagail's response:
Gail does it really matter how we feel about each other when we should be trying to help this young woman.

She clearly stated that the other girl was older than she was. I imagine that is why she feels that she was taken advantage of at the innocent age of seven or eight. it's no wonder she is feeling confused imo.

Although I'm sure it may be fairly common to experiment with others your same age I never did and it's not that I wasn't curious about sex. Did you ever have occasion to experiment in that way with a member of the same sex? it's not wrong if it's consensual.

If this continues to bother her I don't see a problem if she seeks some kind of counseling.

Michelle
 
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willoconner responded:
Hey, you are talking about something that happened to you in past. Nobody can go back and change the past so why to waste your present by thinking about all those stuffs that happened long back ago? These are some shadows of past that will wash away as the time passes. There's no need to discuss these talks with your mum or your boyfriend.
 
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nohard replied to georgiagail's response:
GG This answer shows you should not be here, full stop.


NOWHARD
 
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fcl replied to nohard's response:
Why? She broke none of the rules.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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nohard replied to fcl's response:
Why and what rules are these, how about not understanding trauma in children and what it can do the brain as she gets older, do you understand that?
I take it that you were not abused as a child?
Even sexual abuse by other children can stay with some of them all through there lives, muck up there sex lives completely.


NOWHARD
 
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georgiagail replied to nohard's response:
Now you're some kind of sex therapist too?


Automatically assuming the OP has been "sexually abused" is a dangerous assumption on your part. You may be doing more damage to this person with your internet armchair diagnosis that she is a victim of sexual trauma.


Knock it off. You're an expert of nothing here and are likely making things worse for the OP.

Gail
 
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stevesmw replied to georgiagail's response:
The description of what happened is very common. The reaction to the memories is not common. Therapy would likely go beyond easing the anxiety over what happened.
 
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fcl replied to nohard's response:
We're all here to give our opinions and we do so. We do not have to all agree.

The rules are clearly set out here:

http://www.webmd.com/about-webmd-policies/about-terms-and-conditions-of-use?ss=ftr
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.


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