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Girlfriend doesn't climax during sex. Becoming a concern for us
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An_257440 posted:
My girlfriend and I have been together for over 2 months and known each other for over two years. In that time, we've had sex multiple times, but never once as she reached an orgasm. I'm her fourth total partner. She didn't never had her first orgasm until she discovered a specific type of friction with her second partner. She has to find that friction every time or nothing will happen. It's easier for her with clothes on than off.

She doesn't enjoy finger play or oral. She does not masterbate. She said she has tried different things, but cannot find that friction level with me. I know that she is committed to me but I'm afraid that we won't be able to fix this and what that will lead to.

What can I or we do to fix this?
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stevesmw responded:
You are doomed.......

Given her rules, it will be almost impossible for you to have a good sexual relationship with her. That leads to lack of interest on her part and resentment on yours.

I would steer clear of any woman that doesn't masturbate or own a vibrator.
 
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bigred53 replied to stevesmw's response:
Amen stevesmw!!! I can't imaging never masturbating or not wanting oral or to be fingered. How boring to say the least.

To the OP, does she give you oral or is that taboo with her also?

Michelle
 
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paul1234567 replied to bigred53's response:
No, she'll give it to me. I think she just feels uncomfortable with herself to do that with herself.

I'm going to ask her about it as it's been recommended that she needs to figure that out for herself before we can work on anything. But I'm also just afraid that we might be physically incompatible
 
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bigred53 replied to paul1234567's response:
Paul have her go to www.dodsonandross.com . She will learn everything she ever wanted to know about masturbation and then some. Self love is very important. She needs to understand that there is nothing wrong with masturbation. Maybe you could read with her. Then go out and buy her an Hitachi Magic Wand or some other kind of good vibrator.

How old are the two of you btw?

Michelle
 
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paul1234567 replied to bigred53's response:
I'm 33 and she is 23
 
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stevesmw replied to paul1234567's response:
Considering the majority of women can't orgasm from intercourse, you need to find what works. The friction she is talking about is when her clitoris gets stimulated. It's about finding the right position and alignment. Foreplay can increase the arousal level so less 'friction' is required.


If you have a normal sex drive you will want sexual activity frequently and it needs to be good for her rather than an accommodation.
 
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fcl responded:
What can I or we do to fix this?

She needs to start masturbating (and yes, she's allowed to do it in private). There is no way a woman can tell you what she likes if she doesn't know herself. The esiest way to learn what she likes is by masturbating.

Here's a guide to masturbation that you should both read:

http://www.sexinfo101.com/kb_mastlad.shtml

It's clear and very informative.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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fcl replied to paul1234567's response:
What is the rest of your relationship like? Is her not climaxing your only issue? How adventurous are you in bed? Most importantly, who is this a concern for? Her? You? Both of you?

Is she happy with sex without an orgasm? If so, then accept that many women are happy with the journey (if it's a good one ) and don't really care about reaching the destination.

Are you the one who is most unhappy with the situation? If so, why?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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paul1234567 replied to fcl's response:
She enjoys it to a degree, but knows what she's missing. We talked about how much it was bothering her on a scale of 1-10 and she gave it a 5.

It's still a new relationship and I think the idea of even having to think about this is strange for both of us. But I feel comfortable saying that both of us want this to work
 
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stevesmw replied to paul1234567's response:
The difference between the level of importance in sex, between partners is one of the biggest stressors in long term relationships. Accommodation only lasts so long.
I'm not talking about what she is saying now, but ultimately when things are resolved or not resolved.


If one partner wants sex once a month and the other once a month there is a balance. If one partner wants sex once a week and the other is willing to provide it as an accommodation once a month, neither partner will be happy. Lack of sex is one of the biggest topics discussed here.
 
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bigred53 replied to paul1234567's response:
Paul it sounds like you're willing to be patient and help her learn how much fun good sex can be.

I think a big part of it is that she is pretty young. When I was her age I had been masturbating for at least ten years and had many sexual partners, however, I was still too shy to ask for what I needed or to stimulate myself. I now know that most men want their partners to tell them or show them what it takes. Most men also love watching a woman masturbate. I love watching a man masturbate too.

Communication is the key to a good relationship. None of us are mind readers so keep talking and showing her how to make sex more pleasurable for the both of you.

Check out the websites that have been recommended too.

Good luck and good sex! !

Michelle
 
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fcl replied to paul1234567's response:
OK, so it isn't really important to her (a 5 is about as neutral as you can get).

Might I suggest that by putting so much importance on her having an orgasm (when she apparently doesn't mind) you might be putting too much pressure on her, too much stress, thus reducing any chance of her effectively having an orgasm? She might be trying too hard. I suggest you let this slide for another couple of months and take things easy. Forget about having a goal for her every time you have sex. Make it about pleasuring her and accept that this might not entail a climax for her. Make her feel good all over ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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ignacethibault responded:
There are several tools which can help her for better climax during your sex session. You can tell her to use different types of tools and accessories for it.


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