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Is it strange to be a virgin at 32?
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alicecrose posted:
I'm not completely a virgin. There were two sexual encounters. The first one was when I was drunk because I was extremely shy and did not think the guy would like me. I didn't feel anything except thrusting and a little pain. The second encounter was when I was 26 and sober. I was very self conscious and insecure around him both physically and socially. I was sober but wanted to drink real bad just to relax. The sex again was very painful. We did it 3 times and all I felt was pain and would bleed. The first time we did it, there was blood all over the bed and I was not on monthly cycle. He felt bad like he did something wrong. I was extremely embarrassed so we tried again and I was wanting it but again it hurt and I bled. I have to say the third time was a turn off. I don't want to go into details except for the fact that he wanted to get kinky and involve a third party. I'm not against threesomes but I was absolutely angry with him and to try and be "normal", I got drunk and he wanted a little girl on girl action. I tried but couldn't really get into it. I pretended I was into it but felt the opposite. In fact, I wanted to leave so then he wanted me to watch them together which made matters worse. The relationship only lasted a year and I was disappointed in myself. Since then I haven't had sex. I feel like a virgin. I don't know what it's like to feel that pleasure or the pleasure they show and talk about between two people..or 3. I know I'm not asexual because I fantasize a lot and do masturbate. Although I'm not gay/lesbian, I'm more turned on by gay porn than heterosexual porn. Once in a while I'll watch heterosexual couples but it's usually when I'm real "you know" but apart from that it's bleh. To add to this, I've always had trouble liking myself inside and out. All I see in the mirror and in pictures are flaws. I was bullied by both girls and boys in highschool for being ugly and suffered from an eating disorder. As I got older I was told I was pretty but I couldn't see it. I have always felt this way but now as I get older, I feel like I will never get to experience what pleasurable sex is like. It's just so strange but depressing to hear people talk about their sex lives casually. I don't know what would cause me to be this way except that part of it may be due to the fact that I have aspergers. I have trouble communicating and making friends in general. I'm so confused about my sexuality and have never told anyone about it. I always wondered if there were people like me who just couldn't get into the sex itself even though they wanted to. I'll lay in bed wishing I had a guy with me but then I think how disgusting I would look to him. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me. And again, I don't know what the pain is all about during sexual intercourse. My gynecologist said I was fine.
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sluggo45692 responded:
Hello Alice,

I can not begin to state how much an "A" hole your last BF was. I understand you wanted to please him, so he could please you, but sounds like he just wanted someone to control.

First of all I know Asperger Syndrome makes it hard to communicate and make friends. Have you or are you getting some therapy for communication. I have had a couple of boy scouts with Asperger and it took me a while to realize how wonderfully intellegent they are. The main reason I had problems was I didn't know anything about the syndrome. It was my ignorance that was the problem.

As for the bleeding and pain, I think you were in a hurry and didn't prepare for sex. You have to be prepared for entry. Relaxation and lubrication can do a lot. Having a man just trying to slam it in you is NOT a good thing. He has to go slow and make you ready for sex. You may take a while, because of your past experiances.

EVERY WOMAN IS BEAUTIFUL. Do you believe that? I do.
Every person has body issues with themselves. No matter what you think you look like, someone will get through to you and tell you how beautiful you are.

I think you like the "girl on girl" stuff more is because it's what you want a man to do to you. He should be kissing you all over and gently touching you. Not stuffing himself down your throat or up your bottom. That's for later, when your more comfortable with him and if it's what you want to do. There is nothing wrong with oral and anal sex. Both partners must be will and ready to do it. It's when your not ready for it, that it hurts.

All in all, your past is slowing you down. Take it slow and tell him to take it slow. I think you'll be great and you'll get to the point your looking for.

Good Luck
 
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nohard responded:
Hi Alice, Nice Name, it was my Grandmothers.


OK I think your real problem is just lack of sexual education.
Do you masturbate?
Can you get to orgasm if you do?
Do you know how you your body works, when it come to sex?


If not then get to this one site, www.dodsonandross.com
On here your find all the answers, to the questions you may have been afraid to ask, there's so much you can read about how to masturbate, and how to do that all the way to orgasm.
Let Dr Betty Dodson help you, she runs life class's if you can get to them, if not you can down load vids from her, at a small charge.


There's info on how to use sex toys, info on vibrators and the best ones, how to use sex oils and the best ones, you always do need some lubrication for good sex or sex play for masturbation and sex toys.


But by going to this one site, you should find all the sexual answer there.


At any time you can post to Dr Betty Dodson and she answers all her posts.


I do hope you find the help you need there.


Good Luck


Helpful Tips

Difficulty having an orgasm?Expert
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