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Husband can't maintain erection
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sl114 posted:
I am new to this board, and I have been reading a lot of posts, it makes me feel much better by knowing that I am not alone. My husband and I have been married for 10 years, I am 32 and he is 37. Our sex problem started early on in our marriage life, in the beginning, he never want to have sex, but I wanted it, he said that I gave him too much pressure and develop anxiety. He wasn?t able to have erection for a long period of time. He went to see an Urologist, without doing any test, md said he didn?t have any physical problem since he had erection in the morning, but md gave him prescription for Viagra, I asked him not to fill it, because I didn?t want him to depend on it in such an early age. Things didn?t get a lot of better as years went by. We haven been focus on our son for 3 years after he was born in 2005, now our son got a little older, we go back to focus on our relationship. We haven?t have too many great sex these few years, he can have erection, but he can?t maintain erection, when we have sex, he has to take it out to make it bigger before we can start again (he need to do that several time during sex). I am very frustrated, we are going to see a sex therapist next month (it cost $300 per section, it is so expensive), I don?t know it?s going to work or not. I need help, this issue has negative effect on our relationship greatly, Should we go to the sex therapist or get another Urologist and let my husband use ED pill?
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ilikeitwet responded:
viva viagara?
 
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Cat78fish responded:
Go back to the Urologist and explain to him what you just explained to us. I think he will want to run hormone tests to test his level of testosterone including his free testosterone. I don't think his problem is going to be solved by a sex therapist because it sounds like the only reason he doesn't want to have sex is because of his difficulty in maintaining an erection (meaning that sex is more of a chore to him) and not because of anything else in your relationship (which is where a sex therapist comes in). A sex therapist is primarily helpful where one person desires a certain sexual activity but the other person refuses to compromise or otherwise hear that person out. Their primary focus is to aid in communication between two people. However, it doesn't sound like he's avoiding sex with you but that he is just frustrated by his inability to maintain an erection and that's why I think going back to the Urologist is your best option. If he/she says he needs the viagra, I think you should go ahead and get it filled because you basically have nothing to lose.

Donna
 
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FCL responded:
What happens if you take advantage of his morning erections on the spur of the moment?
 
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LoveMyIssues responded:
There's no shame in using the Viagra. Whatever hesitation you have about using it is not helping. Go ahead and get the Rx filled. You can get lots of doses for the $300 you're thinking of spending on the sex therapist!
 
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sl114 responded:
Thank you all for the reply. This ED issue has damage our relationship greatly, I don't even want to get intimate with him by thinking about his ED problem. I thought his ED problem cause by anxiety initially, also we have communication issue, that's why we are going to see the sex therapist / marriage counsel, I discuss with him that he need to see a Urologist after the sex therapy, he agreed. But I am so sad that he need to depend on the pill for rest of his life

BTW, he has same ED problem morning and night, night time is much worse.
 
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head801 responded:
So if for some reason his leg was cut off would you be upset if he needed to depend on a prosthetic leg for the rest of his life? Him not being able to maintain an erection is not a slight on you it is a medical problem. I would not say it is a a bad thing for him to use a pill to make sure that he can satisfy you and him. You have made such an issue out of this pill that you have probably, dragged out this misery for years. It does not have to be this way!!
 
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helgasnlvbst responded:
I know your frustrations and pain. I also know your feelings of "is it me?" even though you didn't say it. People out there that are not in our shoes will think its all about the SEX and its not, its about intimacy and feeling close to each other, its about being happy and satisfied as a whole. For women we fear it is us, and we want to please out husbands. It is a hard sad depressing thing that for the men we love it is embarrising and depressing and for us it is feeling rejected and frustrating. Sure therapy would be everyones advice but lets face it, we are not all made of money exspecially with kids. As a group of supporters we need to be able to communicate with our spouse and others and fix out problems together . We can learn and share together for free because we need it and they need it and it is important to help each other and for all to be happy and healthy. Good luck. I am in your boat (I am 34 married for 17, he is 37) only my boat is taking on alot of "OLD" and dirty water. You can cry or yell or ramble on about it with me, I will not judge and I understand.
 
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Cat78fish responded:
Helga, the OP is the only one that mentioned the sex therapist at $300 a pop. The rest of us that responded to her suggested other things that would be better in her case. Usually therapy just helps a people communicate better. Not even a sex therapist can solve ED issues. For that, he needs to go to a Urologist, have hormone tests run and possibly take injections for testosterone and/or an ED medication like Viagra. In addition, only a doctor would know if any of his other possible medications he's taking (although she doesn't mention any) may be interfering with his ability to maintain an erection.

Also, if it were just about the intimacy and feeling close to each other, she would not be so focused on his inability to maintain an erection.

My advice to both of you is to stop taking everything to heart and thinking it is your fault and get your husbands to the doctor. You would go to the doctor if something was wrong with you wouldn't you?

Donna
 
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crazyfoot40 responded:
One thing that is rarely mentioned is sexual attraction of one person for another. But I notice that women usually say "I woner if it is me"? Maybe the attraction is not there. Viagra won't make that happen. It will only make it physically possible for him to maintain an erection if the desire is there to begin with. Tom


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