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Forced Ejaculation
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singleme05 posted:
My fiance and I have been together about 11 months. He is 45 and I am 39. When he met me he had never been able to cum from oral sex. It took me some time but I got him there. Recently he hasn't been able to cum from oral sex anymore. He will try and force it to the point where he gets a headache and has to stop. He also is the same with sex right now. He has to force himself to cum. He has to get aggressive with his movements and actions in order to reach orgasm. I am starting to feel like he is not that into me anymore even though he assures me that that is not the issue. What else could it be?? Any answers?
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Cat78fish responded:
Age. As men get older, they may experience declining testosterone. I don't know much about how levels of testosterone effects whether a man can ejaculate or not but I do know that delayed ejaculation--if they ejaculate at all--is very common in men over the age of 40. I recommend he get a thorough check up including having his levels of free testosterone tested.

As far as not being able to ejaculate from oral sex, it's difficult to tell whether he has psycholoogical issues with that. There are some men that have the preconceived notion that receiving oral from a woman--much less ejaculating in a woman's mouth--is degrading to women. He may be leery of trying it again depending on the level of frustration you conveyed to him when it took him awhile last time. Whenever my husband takes a long time to ejaculate--especially from oral--he is always very appologetic as though I couldn't possibly have enjoyed myself for that long!

Donna
 
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singleme05 responded:
Thanks for the response. I have been in the medical field for 15 years, I should have thought about testosterone levels...duh . He just had a full physical in February i'm just not sure if he had that checked. As far as the oral goes, once he got that first orgasm that way he didnt want anything else...lol But now thats all changing, everytime we try now he just cant cum. He gets a headache from trying too hard. I truly love and want to spend the rest of my life with him but all this makes me feel a little insecure...
 
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LoveMyIssues responded:
"What else could it be??" Besides Donna's thought that it might be low testosterone, it could also be that he masturbates. Do you know? The stimulation a man gets from a firm grip in masturbation makes vaginal or oral sex stimulation much more subtle in comparison.

If he's not reaching orgasm in partnered sex, it might be encouraging him to "take matters in hand," so to speak, to get a little satisfaction. This is not, however, your fault. I doubt very much that the problem has anything to do with him being "not that into" you anymore.
 
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crazyfoot40 responded:
singleme...That has eventually happened to me with every woman I have ever been with. It's just natural for the excitement and newness to wear off. Thus the challenge of keeping sex exciting. What always works for me is if she pumps the lower part of my penis with her had at thae same time she is doing the up-and-down with her mouth. Some adventurous women work his anus as they suck. Oh yeah! Tom
 
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2Stubby responded:
Testosterone and related homones certainly have an effect. But, I just completed a general anatomy course on the web and they talked about oxytocin, the "happiness" homone. It is produced in the posterior lobe of the pituitary gland. In women oxytocin is release to contract the uterus to expel a baby and in males, it acts on the vas deferens to squeeze out semen during ejaculation.

This lead to me wondering if my pituitary gland is not up to snuff and delayed ejaculation is the result. Does anyone out there know or have any experience in this area?
 
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AwesomeErich responded:
I am a 33 year old male, and to be honest I have never ejaculated though oral, and I really do think most men cant, as a matter of fact I don't think oral sex feels that great at all, manual stimulation is how you make a guy orgasm, men are not the same as women when it comes to oral sex we do not orgasm, and or ejaculate with that sex act..that's where Women have a mis-conception..most women don't understand how a guy works sexually, and unfouranately that same thought can hold true for what men know to induce a climax for their partner (woman) so I don't think anything is wrong with your fiance, and I certainly don't think hes lost interest in you you need to not think that way sex has a lot of factors why it doesn't work sometimes, I think your both young perhaps your a bit immature when it comes to the emotional intimacy of sex, its not a one way street, and its a time to state to your partner how you feel and believe him, trust issues especially in a sexual relationship, or long-term one can destroy the love parts of that relationship and the closeness, especially when partners care only about their own needs..you should care if he doesn't "cum" too many people emphasize on that aspect of sex and they think in their mind if that isn't achieved that their sex life is flawed in some way and that's just not true..i would give you partner time to be himself!! let him do what he wants with you sexually if he cums he does if not so what, if hes not complaining why should you be? see the problem is you not him..because your making it a "problem" and its not..become closer communicate your needs and wants, and things will come together nicely for you both!! above all trust your partner what he says if its nothing do NOT think otherwise or your not loving your partner the way everyone should be loved and that unconditionally.. Hope I helped,Erich
 
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An_210708 responded:
I have been married for over 30 years and never have orgasm thru oral. I love giving it to my wife. She has her best orgasms that way and gets very wet. I love it. For me, I am just afraid to enjoy it for myself. Sure, it feel great when she has my parts in her mouth. I know it sounds weird that I feel that way. My wife is frustrated since I dont orgasm. I guess I am not sure if she is pleasing me that way because she wants to or out of sense of obligation. Yes ladies, some of us guys can detect insincerity in sex relations. In a closing statement, I am afraid to climax, especially in her mouth because I dont know how she will react. If I ask her about it before hand, that could be a weird and possibly perverted question to ask. This is just a topic that is difficult to talk about with my wife.
 
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tlkittycat1968 replied to AwesomeErich's response:
I would beg to differ that most men cannot orgasm via oral sex. I've been with at least six or seven guys and only one of them was unable to orgasm via oral sex. Even that one guy said he was just starting to get there when I changed technique and he lost the feeling.
 
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anon_123 replied to AwesomeErich's response:
I also disagree with you. Every guy I have ever been with, or every guy I have ever heard of getting oral sex HAS been able to climax from it. I am not saying the whole male population can, but, I definitely disagree when you say that none of them can!

Also, you stated that you are 33 and you said to the OPI think your both young perhaps your a bit immature ....... if you would have read the OPs post, you would have noticed that she is 39... older than you.
 
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anon_123 replied to An_210708's response:
I am sorry that you have never achieved orgasm with oral sex! bummer! you are missing out!
I would talk to your wife about it. you might think that it is going to be an awkward conversation, but it really shouldn't be. You have been married to her for over 30 years! (congratulations)
My hubby just tells me right when he is about to cum, that way, if I keep going he knows that I am going to take in it my mouth... and if i switch to mannual, he knows i'm not. This just allows me to not get any surprises. he might not verbally tell me... but we have our own little ways of telling each other these things. Good luck.
I would say having a 5 minute conversation that MIGHT be awkward, but probably wont be, would be well worth it to recieve amazing oral sex for the rest of your marriage!
 
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eammon replied to anon_123's response:
Thanks for your understanding. Please keep in mind my wife and I are mid life. I think anything new that I wish to discuss about sex could be interpreted as part and parcel of the mythological mid life crisis for men. ( I guess that desires for sexual variety is believed to be a sympton of the crisis) One point I failed to mention in my post is the fact we have a small comfort zone in our sex life. (Two positions and nothing outside the bedroom) Any new things I wish to try are met with judgment and ridicule. Oral sex to completion is way outside the zone.
 
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anon_123 replied to eammon's response:
I understand. Does she ever tell you any fantasies that she has? or do you think she would be willing to share them with you? Does she give you oral sex at all? maybe next time after she gives your oral sex you could "exaggerate" and say that you thought you were going to get off and stopped yourself because you didnt know how she would react? maybe this will open up some discussion?

Maybe someone else will have a better idea! you could always start your own post if this is something you are really interested in. I am sure you would get lots of great ideas and maybe find some people in similar experiences as yourself
 
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blake_valentine replied to anon_123's response:
Not saying I side with alot of what Erich said, but to the point about men climaxing from oral, there may be some truth to that. When I was much younger I had been with many women and really never came from oral. It was just sort of an appetizer; it was not intended to be to completion, so the guy learns to hold out so he'll be around for intercourse. Also, in a committed relationship, oral (for me) usually means '69,' and I am so focused on her that I'm not getting off that way either -- feels great, but I don't come that way.

I think it really depends on the situation. Recently I was out with my GF in a car, in public. We only had a few minutes, so she took me out and said, "You got 3 minutes." I was secretly hoping 3 would stretch into 10, but sure enough, after 3 I was starting at the roof of the car, saying her name over and over again . So I think it is more situational than physiological.
 
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anon_123 replied to blake_valentine's response:
well blake, that is why i said that i didnt think the whole male population goes one way or the other. i think there are men who do always climax and dont have a problem... and i think there are men that dont. to each there own but i personally love getting my hubby off this way. especially when its "that time of the month" for me.
have a good day.


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