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attractive, horny, yet depressed
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bemo78 posted:
What's a girl to do?? I'm attractive, I'm incredibly horny & pining for a man to love and grow old with... Yet I have serious problems. I deal with social anxiety daily and with it comes fatigue, anxiety and depression... I have struggled for over 30 years with this crap and I am under GOOD medical care. I'm not looking for a man to solve those problems for me, what I need is someone who can accept that I struggle with some very real issues. Sex, however, is like a medication for me... A wonderful natural medication... I am sure there are plenty of guys who would love to be "prescribed" as part of my treatment plan, but how on God's green earth do I even begin to find someone SAFE to do this with??
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Caddy84 responded:
"Sex, however, is like a medication for me... A wonderful natural medication..."

Hippy.

Seriously though, you sound socially awkward. Try something traditional, like going out with friends and meeting someone.
 
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RumbaSwimSolarCook; responded:
Provocative posting.

First, remember that lots and lots of men have the same feeling you describe.

Also, remember we're all in this boat together.

I ask you to continually wrestle with the disconent you describe.

Your disatisfaction with our daily realities should help us realize our everyday existence fails to promote genuine self-growth and self-potentiality.

Instead, we end up running around like headless chickens being super consumers, adequate workers, and sufficient parents while we forget about recharging our batteries, getting the recommended 8 hours of sleep, exercise, eating right, and just being able to catch up with friends.

I have a feeling your sexual dissatisfaction is the tip of the iceberg of emotions/feelings/desires that are lacking in all of us.

We just need to be honest and get real.

The truth is that many of us are socially disconnected, isolated, alienated from other people.

For example, many do not even know who our next door neighbors are and are clueless about creating a sense of community with those around us.

Instead, many of us turn to substances to consume to make us feel temporarily satisfied but really just numbs us to wanting to turn a corner and take a new healthier way of living.

For example, have you noticed how many postings on this Discussion Board describe men who spend way too much time perusing internet porn?

And have you also noticed all the responses end up sounding like knee-jerk Oprah-like sermons that blame the victim of sexual repression, corporate advertising, and Victorian-like family upbringing?

I suspect there are also many female culprits with the same "problem" that's just really not discussed much as of yet.

Let's just say lots of people out there know vibrators can be fun but is really just meant to be a snack for the main course with a real human being.

The key here is knowing there is something seriously out of whack with our lives.

All I'm saying here is you go girl.

You are on the right track to connect with your inner feelings and thoughts of knowing that things can be better not only in your own personal life but also in the way we all tend to ignore essential wants/desires/yearnings that others just totally ignore.

It's all a gigantic problem that we need to begin to tackle in our own way for the better.

My suggestion is to take things one step at a time, think about realistic goals and objectives that are reachable sexually and otherwise.

Don't just sit and wait for your prince to come becuase he may never in our complicated, disjointed, hurried, disconnected lives.

Get involved in your own way with others such as joining a bowling league, a volunteer organization, or church group.

Then you may be pleasantly surprised how someone may appear in your life all of a sudden when you least expect it.

Right on sister.
 
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burrman11 responded:
I suffer the same thing. Over the past 4 years, I have become a social introvert (not a party animal but maybe a good-time guy previously). I've been to every doc I think might help. So far the only thing I know is testerone is low. In-house sex is good (I'm single) when it happens but have no desire to go out. If you find a cure/reason, let me know. Thanks...
 
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Hideaway1984 responded:
I feel exactly the way you do, only I'm a man. I've never had sex (at 24, that's a lot of pent-up frustration) and I believe that enjoying sexuality with a safe woman would really afford the kind of release I need. Some fellow guys have told me that they wished they looked like me, as then they'd feel a lot more self-confident with women, but I already look like me (so I guess that means I'm attractive) and I suffer from anxiety around people, so I don't meet anyone. I'm not on any medications, and I've never been drunk or high, so I don't self-medicate that way either. I'm very weary of STDs, so I'm naturally very weary of casual sex, not to mention I'm sure that would feel very empty. I'd like to meet a woman who's safe and whom I respect and care about, even if she's not the absolute love of my life, and enjoy sexuality with her, but with my anxiety and depression, even if I am attractive, there isn't much in my life more difficult than this, especially with 50+ idiots ready to compete for every one woman.

Anyhow, I'm sorry I don't have any answers, but I do empathize with the frustration you're clearly feeling. I just posted a thread myself asking about how I may find new ways to enjoy sexuality on my own.
 
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John-SKPT responded:
Have you considered some professional therapy to work on the basis for the anxiety? It doesn't have to he pharmaceutical (though that the current preference of a lot of docs because it's fairly fast and easy for them). It could be just talking to a psychologist for a while to help you search for the causes.

I don't see anything wrong with masturbation, but to have that as your only outlet--especially when you realize that you want more--isn't healthy. I'd suggest working at the root cause of the situation, rather than trying to find better workarounds.

You'll be better off in the long run.
 
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Hideaway1984 responded:
Just to clarify, I brought up masturbation only as an "in the meantime" activity, not as a replacement for sex with a partner.
 
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John-SKPT responded:
I understand, but "the meantime" sounds like it is becoming more and more the routine, and since sex with a partner seems to add more stress and anxiety, I'm not sure what you can do to break the cycle without getting some outside views and advice from a professional.

This seems really an anxiety problem that just happens to have sexual manifestation, not a sexual problem that causes you anxiety. Sort of a chicken or egg thing: which one is really the cause and which one is the effect?
 
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Hideaway1984 responded:
I agree; I'm in therapy myself to work on my own issues of anxiety. For me, I know that it's the anxiety that came before the sexual manifestation, and I believe that once I work through the anxiety, the sexual aspect will take care of itself. To the person that started this thread, I believe finding some answers to those questions would prove helpful, though keep in mind, will be a lengthy process.


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