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I won't let him cum...
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wantingbaby123 posted:
So, My husband and i have been together for a 19 months. We have a 3 month old son together. Since our son was born, my husband has been having trouble keeping it hard. Well, he went to the dr's and the dr said that it is very common for that to happen since we just had a baby and it was a huge change to our life. He said it will be back to normal soon. Slowly, i can see it going back to normal. We can have sex once a day but any more than that, he can't keep it up. Anyway, is it being selfish if i don't let my husband cum after having sex? I mean, just in case i want some later, i want him to be able to keep it hard. I feel so bad but he never complains. He isn't the type to complain. Is this wrong of me?
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culligan4 responded:
I will be honest it is very selfish for you to not let your husband cum. You are only thinking about yourself and your needs and that is not fair to him. It is great that he does not complain but it is never fair when one person is having all the fun. Have you ever thought about masturbating in front of him or just masturbating in general? I would think about doing that and trust me, coming from a guy, your husband will not mind that at all. Whether you do it in front of him or alone he probably will like it and it who knows it may be the extra stimulation he needs to keep it up. Oral sex works great too. Guys generally don't mind and even like performing oral sex on their partners. Bottom line is that there are other options out there rather than not letting him cum. Joe
 
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FCL responded:
Are you kidding? Not only is getting him revved up and then letting him down because you might just want more later selfish it's downright b cruel! How do you think this would make him feel? Totally inadequate, that's how it would make him feel. If you want more than one session per day and if he can't keep up then maybe accept that you can have one quality sex session with him per day and masturbate the rest of the time. Him not complaining isn't a good sign. Communication is absolutely essential to a healthy relationship. This is the kind of thing that will get thrown in your face in a few years from now when he's had enough of bottling things up. Get him to open up to you about this - it could save a lot of heartache down the line ... don't let him clam up.
 
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wantingbaby123 responded:
You guys are right. I pretty much knew i was wrong but i needed someone else to tell me. It has been going on for the past week. Im going to stop not letting him cum. I knew it wasn't fair and it actually got me really upset that i treated him like that. I love my husband with all my heart and I know that he feels the same way about me. Thank you guys for being honest. As for the lack of communication from my husband, we are going to have to have a talk about that. If i sit him down and talk to him, he will open up about it. I just have to admit to myself that the days of having sex two to three times a day, are long gone. :confused:
 
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Jumper197074857 responded:
Not necessarily. Personally, if I ejaculate early in the day, say late morning/early afternoon, I'm able to ejaculate again in the evening. That might be something to look into. Maybe on a Saturday or Sunday. Additionally, it could just be the added stress of having to take care of a new addition to the family. Also, some guys stop viewing their wives as their lovers but instead start looking at them as the "mother of my child" when a baby is introduced into the family. When you talk to him, explain to him that even though you're a mother and he's now a father, that doesn't change the fact you guys are still husband and wife, friends and lovers. Might set his mind at ease.
 
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mhtyler2 responded:
Wait a minute here....this guy is an adult right? When you say you don't let him cum, are you holding a gun or a knife on him? Is he half your size and handcuffed? If not, then it strikes me you're not making him do anything. He's cooperating. mark
 
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FCL responded:
i "He's cooperating. " Maybe yes, maybe no... It's not necessarily cooperating if she pushes him away before he climaxes ...
 
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mhtyler2 responded:
"Maybe yes, maybe no... It's not necessarily cooperating if she pushes him away before he climaxes ..." True, but your postulating beyond the information provided by the OP. All we know is that the husband isn't complaining which is passive approval. No awards for generosity to the OP, here.
 
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LoveMyIssues responded:
I don't think a gun, knife or handcuffs would work on me. I'd just die thinking, "Oh heck; at least it was worth it!" :sillygrin:
 
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crazyfoot40 responded:
wantingbaby...I'd take it down the street to Betty Lou's house and she if she would let me cum. :goofy: Tom
 
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wantingbaby123 responded:
Thats nice :eyeroll:
 
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wantingbaby123 responded:
Thanks for everyones help.
 
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Tiebos responded:
I disagree with mark on this one - she might not be able to physically force him not to cum, but guilt is a wonderfully effective tool, especially when combined with our innate desire to please our partners in bed. It's a form of emotional blackmail, and "selfish" barely scratches the surface. Then again, maybe he enjoys being frustrated and disappointed all day. Or maybe he's getting something in return - If every evening was her acquiescing to *anything* he wanted, then it might be a fair exchange. :sillygrin:
 
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mhtyler2 responded:
I don't think we really do disagree Teibos...I don't see anything in your response that contradicts mine, except that somewhere in this mess the husband has a responsibility for his own pleasure. He's exercising it...passively. As I said, no kudos to the OP here, her instincts are accurate, she's not playing cricket...but there are two people in the room, and two people responsible.
 
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Merlin123 responded:
I don't think what you are/were doing is wrong at all. It's simply different. I would discuss it openly with your husband, but there is nothing wrong with a sexual relationship in which you regularly have one or even several orgasms in a row, while your husband is not permitted to (or chooses no to) ejaculate at all. There are several reasons and scenarios in which this makes sense:

1. The physiology of men and women is different. Women often do require more than one (and sometimes several) orgasms in order to be truly sexually satisfied. For most men, except the very young, one ejaculation not only satisfies them fully, but renders them incapable of erection for a significant period of time. If he gets satisfied, why shouldn't you?

2. By not letting him cum, and ensuring he's erect on demand, you're helping ensure that every sexual encounter will be successful for him. He may not say so, but trust me, it is VERY embarrassing not to be able to get it up when your woman wants it. This way, he feels like very virile, and very much like a man, all the time.

3. One way to explain this to him is to tell him, and this is true: "Honey, I LOVE having sex with you. And I want to get it whenever I want it. It make me so hot to know that I can keep you hard, and just mount you whenever I want to." So, you're basically telling him you want him to be your sex slave. He's just a piece of sexual meat, that you want hard and ready for your use at all times. Men, nearly all men, DREAM about being a sex slave, being used for sex, by a woman. Are you objectifying him? Perhaps. But this is such an intense and powerful sexual fantasy for most men, that this not something that should concern you at all.

4. If he loves you, he wants you to be fully satisfied. All the time.

5. Tantric sex actually requires the man not to ejaculate at all during sexual encounters. Even with several encounters a day, depending on the man's age, the man may be required to forgo ejaculation for an entire a week or more. Tantric and taoist teachings point out that a man can orgasm, without ejaculating. Sounds silly, I know, but with practice, a man can learn to do this.

6. For many men, ejaculation isn't the height of pleasure, but the end of it. The height of pleasure, is right at the edge; and by being "edged" time and time again, a man can be brought great pleasure.

7. Many men would enjoy not being "permitted" to cum. This would arouse them, if they like the idea of a woman taking charge in the bedroom. They may be overtly or just subtly submissive, but this need not involve leather, whips, and chains. Some guys just like a woman being bossy under the sheets.

Communicate with your man. Tell him your needs and desires. He may have said nothing because he too liked being denied, or holding off from cumming. Don't deny yourself, and him, the pleasure of having him hard at any moment, and ready to pleasure you. He may want that role more than you could have imagined.


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