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    Penis putdown....after 30yrs?
    SincereSeeker posted:
    Seeking female advice. Why do so many wifes resort to penis size put downs at the end of a marriage? Just to inflict hurt and destruction? Are there any limits to a wife's vengence ? After nealy 30 yr. marriage wife shocked the ___ out of me by stating: ....'if you think your small ___ is why I married you, ......". Now I have the ruler out and wonder.... Trying to cope with this shocker after all these years is hard to even type this post. Any advice? How do we repair the marriage or even maintain a friendship ? Verbal and physical abuse is pervasive and accepted in today's culture. TV sitcoms and movies show kicks to the groin and slaps to the face of male actors without any uproar from the public. Grey's Anatomy season ended with each male lead actor being slapped by a female lead in the final 30 min. The wife of Tiger Woods is widely admired in the press and on talk shows for the obvious assult she committed and will not be prosecuted. What protection do males have from verbal and physical abuse in a marriage when the culture has made it an acceptable joke?
    darlyn05 responded:
    Abuse is not acceptable from or towards either gender. I think the example you stated was more than likely an isolated incident. That doesn't make it alright for her to say that. It sounds as though it was said out of spite, to hurt your feelings and your ego. I myself would be shocked to hear this after such a period of time that held no previous indications of dissatisfaction. Well, it did hurt your ego, and with what I've wrote above, I hope you can brush it off. The same thing happens with womens breast or their butt, or how good they are in bed, etc..... Unfortunately, a woman can always adjust their breast and butt size, for a price. I've actually considered it for reconstruction purposes, as well as my H enjoys staring at larger breasted women. I'd like some of his attention in that area.
    3point14 responded:
    I think you're talking about two different things. Your marriage is ending, you say? Well, she just went for lowest blow possible. Don't let it get you down. Even if your penis is small, it can be satisfying. If she was sexually unhappy during the course of your marriage, well, that's partially her fault as well. People need to accept some responsibility for their sexual satisfaction, and I hate to say it but if she was so unhappy with your penis as to resent it for thirty years, that's her hang-up, not yours. That being said, I can say with 99% certainty she was just lashing out. It's easier to focus on the bad when a relationship is ending. No truly "done" relationship is going to end with "And you're the most well-endowed, considerate lover I've ever had!". And I do get what you're saying about it being more acceptable to "joke" about hurting, hitting and making fun of men. But uhm, if you really want to start listing examples of men being objectified and belittled in pop culture vs. women being marginalized or belittled in pop culture, well...I'm not going to say women 100% of the time have it harder than men, but I'd say it definitely more breaks even. I don't want to get into a huge debate about sexism in society. I'm sure you don't want to hear it, especially not now. But the kind of woman who's going to hit a man because of Grey's Anatomy is the same breed of idiot who's going to slap a woman because of rap music, just different stuff between their legs.
    FCL responded:
    Abuse is abuse is abuse ... and should not be tolerated. No matter what the victim's gender, abuse should not be tolerated. Your wife made her statement about your penis because she purposely wanted to hurt you and most men are sensitive about their penis and their penis size. i 'Are there any limits to a wife's vengence ' What did you do that she feels she needs vengeance? Anyway, I don't think that trying to inflict hurt is typical to either gender ... I think it's typical of certain persons. Men can be quite as hurtful as women when their marriage is coming to an end. Trust me, there are many other ways of hurting a STBX. Your wife chose to insult your penis because she thought that would hurt you most. Are you sure you want to "repair" your marriage? When you reach the point where you know the divorce is coming and you start slinging insults at each other ... well, it seems to me that it's a little late to worry about the state of your union ...
    cjh1203 responded:
    I agree with the other posters -- your wife made that awful remark because she knows it's the thing men are most insecure about and she wanted to hurt you. Please try not to take it personally. That is the remark of a woman who has no interest whatsoever in repairing your marriage or maintaining a friendship. Friendship with an ex is extremely difficult anyway, until both parties are completely over each other. If you and your wife divorce and you're still in love with her, trying to become her friend is only going to make it harder to get over your heartbreak. I completely agree with you that TV and movies have gone way too far in showing women being physically or verbally abusive to men, usually trying to get a laugh. Men are portrayed as boneheaded, inept idiots and their TV girlfriends/wives don't hesitate to tell them that at every opportunity. My all-time least favorite TV character is Debra Barone on "Everybody Loves Raymond" for that very reason. If the roles were reversed, women would be perfectly justified in raising hell about it, but men are supposed to be good sports and just take it. 3point14 makes an excellent point: "...the kind of woman who's going to hit a man because of Grey's Anatomy is the same breed of idiot who's going to slap a woman because of rap music, just different stuff between their legs." It's not TV's fault that people -- male or female -- act like that. It all comes down to the individual. When you ask, "What protection do males have from verbal and physical abuse in a marriage when the culture has made it an acceptable joke?", you're blaming TV for your wife's behavior. It's not TV's fault, it's hers. You're letting her abdicate responsibility for her actions by blaming "culture". I'm sorry you're going through this, and sorry that your wife felt the need to try to humiliate you like that. It's hard enough to end a marriage, without it getting so nasty, especially after so many years.
    done4good responded:
    If your marriage is actually over after 30 years, why would you even care what she now thinks of your anatomy? Mine dropped similar bombs on me once she felt she no longer needed me and believe me, the split was the very best thing to ever happen to me in my life.
    Moving on, you will find plenty of women who are far more interested in how you treat them and if you are willing to help them out financially than they are in how you measure up to the porn stars.
    In fact, my ex even said she was willing to overlook my handicaps if I was willing to let her move back after she and her studs managed to lose what she heisted in the divorce.
    I hear they are now living in a homeless shelter.
    fiannakyn replied to done4good's response:
    i'd rather have a lover who has a small penis but knows how to use it over a well endowed guy who doesnt know what to do with it.
    And yes I have had relations with both. my husband is "below avrage" but he can make me scream his name every time. a previous lover would leave me sore from his size, but un satisfied.

    I agree with the above posters, she was just doing it cause she knew it would hurt you. But stop and think of the times you probably hurt her. I garentee she didnt just decide to throw that insult out at you for no reason.
    mollyp4913 responded:
    I think at this point its' more about hurting you, she's tried everything else so to insult your manhood is a final shot at hurting you. If you are getting a divorce it may get worse. I would suggest you not drop to her level, try to keep in mind that she's hurting to, even if she won't admit it.

    An_210716 responded:
    it's not too bad, your ex just doesn't want you to have sex with someone else. She thinks she can come back.
    ontbear replied to An_210716's response:
    Ha, that is no different than at the end of a relationship and the man says........ I never liked your breasts, their were too big or too small. It is a statement to make a "dig" a the other. Just say to yourself, "ya, what ever".

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