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Porn Addiction
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ladyinyellow posted:
have had an ongoing problem with my boyfriend viewing porn, and many similar situations envolving porn, and i am at my whits end!!! we have been together for four years, and slowly the problem has emerged, and i can't quite figure it out. What is the deal with porn?!?!?!?!?!? i am a young model and i dont think there is any problem with me, i just think he is addicted, any thoughts or any advice? HELP
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bashey333 responded:
I have never been addicted to porn to the point that I would still prefer to watch it over looking at a beautiful girl in real life. However I used to masturbate daily, sometimes many many times. I didn't used to think anything of it, but I can look back now and see how it has ruined my life. I don't know if he is using the porn to stimulate himself while your not around, but that could definitely be a factor. I have been trying to stop masturbating for the past year and a half. I am to the point now, where I can restrain myself from doing it only 1 every five days. I have never appreciated females more than I do now, not just as sex objects, but as people with opinions and feelings, I no longer see girls as sex objects! The key to not watch porn, is to have something worth fighting for on the other side. I am sure you love this guy, and you may not want to leave him, but you can use that situation to save his life. Tell him that he can either watch porn, or be with you. If that doesn't work, and you still catch him with it, then block the channels on his tv, put a nanny blocker on his computer that blocks sexual material, that is the only way to get away from porn. I guess I should also mention that I do believe in God, but I am not saying he should get away from porn for that fact. I don't even think that masturbation is a sin, but I am not sure. Anyway, life is just more enjoyable, when your mind is not thinking about banging every girl you see, and it should make your relationship better in the end. Good Luck, it can be done, if I can overcome porn, anybody can!
 
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sharonda09 responded:
hey ladyinyellow

Men are going to be men maybe you need to sit him down and talk to him and tell him that you are not playing with him.If the porn is causing prombles in your relationship to save it you need to talk to him.And if you dnt listen they do whatever you tell him you going to do.Girl dnt keep talking over and over tell him once that its a promble.If he dnt want to listen then let him lay down with the tape or that dvd at night.
 
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LoveMyIssues responded:
You are absolutely right in concluding, "i dont think there is any problem with me," and I applaud you for avoiding the common pitfall of blaming yourself for his issue.

He may indeed be addicted to porn, which would negate previous posts' advice to try to control it from your end, blocking TV channels or installing a "net nanny." The forbidden fruit will be only more attractive because it's harder to get. He WILL find a way to get it, so don't waste your time trying to be an enforcer. It's not your role or privilege to change him. If he's going to change, only he can do it.

You might want to search for an article here on WebMD called, "Why Men Like Porn " I tired to copy the link, but it didn't work.

Typically, men are drawn to porn because of some insecurity about themselves (NOT because of any inadequacy of their partner's). It could be sex-related (premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, perception of having a penis too small), but not necessarily. Other self-esteem-sabotaging issues (feeling unloved/unwanted; loss of job/identity, perception of being some kind of "loser" in general) will also drive men to porn. It's a "self-soothing" behavior, and it comes with no performance pressures or expectations. OTOH, after "acting out" (as we call it in SAA), he feels guilty and ashamed -- especially since he knows you resent it -- and that only serves to reinforce his feelings of poor self-esteem. That's the addictive cycle in a nutshell.

As for what you do about it, all you can do it let him know exactly and unambiguously how you feel about it. Is it a deal-breaker? Can you learn to live with it? Can you help him work through the issues that are driving it? The actual doing something about it is entirely up to him. If you conclude it's a deal-breaker and he refuses to cooperate in a sincere effort to change, your only option is to bail. Sorry.
 
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willingtolisten responded:
Unless he is missing work, staying home from family or social events or avoids contact with others he's not going to be even near being a "porn addict".

I know. I nearly lost my job and my marriage because my life was consumed by a need for porn. Just as an alcoholic drinks more and more, a porn addict will find ways to feed the ever increasing need for more. Eventually some turn to very risky behavior and take chances that endanger themselves.

Your boy friend is not an addict just because he enjoys porn, but if is using it as a substitute for you then he may need to evaluate his behavior.
 
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ladyinyellow replied to willingtolisten's response:
Well, at least it is nice to hear someone say that its not an addiction, allthough after i had posted this, things came to an all new level, and needless to say "s@#t hit the fan". He had porn i knew about and i gave him the ultimatum, its me or the porn,so he broke them all threw them out and said that he would change for me, THAN 2 days later I found porn stashed away in a video game, argued about that....than found him scouring any kind of soft porn out of netflix, argued again............Than caught him watching soft porn on cable(found this out after we just had sex, he watched it before hand to get turned on), and now he wants to get direct demand for cable, and it makes no sense since we have net flix. it amazes me how he thinks that i wont find this stuff. I am like CSI Miami, i am ready to kick his ass to the curb, aparently he doesn't have an "addiction", so what is his major malfunction?
 
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ladyinyellow replied to ladyinyellow's response:
oh and i forgot to mention, when i caught him jacking off next to me in bed, and one day i had left, forgot a shirt went back, to walk in on him masturbating to porn, when i was just there 3 minutes prior, i am in a blind rage
 
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ontbear replied to ladyinyellow's response:
Hey, don't get too concerned about the porn unless: as a couple your sex life in going down hill or at the "bottom"; the porn is a "turn on" and he is reacting to the turn on; don't worry about the basturbating "beside you" in bed. I have been married for 47 years and that occures with both of us....relax....don't get your blood pressure up over basturbation.
 
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An_210719 replied to ontbear's response:
"basturbation" isn't a word.


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