Includes Expert Content
Need avise!!!
An_210792 posted:
My wife has been very secretive when it comes to her cell phone and computer e-mails. When I inquire she replies, "Dont worry about it!!". Our sex life only occurrs when she wants it and it feels that it is being done just for the sake of it. I have resorted to not having sex and masturbate two or three times a day..... Are these signs that there is someone else? What do I do......
7 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Need avise!!!My wife has been very secretive when it comes to her cell phone and computer e-mails. When I inquire she replies, "Dont worry about it!!". Our sex life only occurrs when she wants it and it feels that it is being done just for the sake of it. I have resorted to not having sex and masturbate two or three times a day..... Are these signs that there is someone else? What do I do......
airjeremal responded:
You need to talk to her about it, if you havent already. That is the first step.
Report This| Share this:Need avise!!!You need to talk to her about it, if you havent already. That is the first step.
An_210793 responded:
Dont assume. To be honest I went through that with my bf. We rarely had sex, my phone automatically locks so he has no access to seeing my calls and or messages and I wasnt being secretive about my emails but I did/do get online until late night searching for homes and chat with friends (not with other men I'm interested in). But yeah my point is I wasn't and I am not seeing anyone else nor has it even crossed my mind to do so. I think with everything that we had going on and me working long hours I was so stressed out that when I got home I just wanted cook, take a shower and relax. My bf spoke to me and asked me the same thing you are wondering and asked what was wrong. I was very honest with him and told him exactly how I felt and since then things have gotten better for us. I mean this is just my case and it doesn't mean that yours will be the same however I definitely think you should speak to her and let her know exactly how you are feeling. Goodluck with this.
Report This| Share this:Need avise!!!Dont assume. To be honest I went through that with my bf. We rarely had sex, my phone automatically locks so he has no access to seeing my calls and or messages and I wasnt being secretive about my emails but I did/do get online until late night searching for homes and chat with friends (not with other men I'm interested in). But yeah my point is I wasn't and I am not seeing anyone else nor has it even crossed my mind to do so. I think with everything that we had going on and me working long hours I was so stressed out that when I got home I just wanted cook, take a shower and relax. My bf spoke to me and asked me the same thing you are wondering and asked what was wrong. I was very honest with him and told him exactly how I felt and since then things have gotten better for us. I mean this is just my case and it doesn't mean that yours will be the same however I definitely think you should speak to her and let her know exactly how you are feeling. Goodluck with this.
life_good1981 replied to An_210793's response:
I wouldn't necessarily say that those signs indicate there's someone else. It's kinda tricky to say what's going on with that type of behavior, especially if you and your lady are happilly married. Sometimes , looking at the bigger picture can help you see what's really going on. Women are indeed complex. You must evaluate your marriage by asking yourself if you are happy, find out how she feels about the relationship at this time. Listen carefully and listen well. It could be a lack of something you are not providing to her. It ususally takes most women awhile to jump to doing something reckless like that. They enjoy feeling loved and appreciated and after so many attempts in trying to recieve that, the end results can not be turned around.These are just some starters to get down to the issue at hand.
Report This| Share this:Need avise!!!I wouldn't necessarily say that those signs indicate there's someone else. It's kinda tricky to say what's going on with that type of behavior, especially if you and your lady are happilly married. Sometimes , looking at the bigger picture can help you see what's really going on. Women are indeed complex. You must evaluate your marriage by asking yourself if you are happy, find out how she feels about the relationship at this time. Listen carefully and listen well. It could be a lack of something you are not providing to her. It ususally takes most women awhile to jump to doing something reckless like that. They enjoy feeling loved and appreciated and after so many attempts in trying to recieve that, the end results can not be turned around.These are just some starters to get down to the issue at hand.
FCL responded:
I think you probably have two separate issues ... Has she always had a low libido or is this something recent?
What exactly do you mean when you say she's being secretive? Do you ask to check her email or her phone and she says no? Or has she simply password-protected everything?
If it's the former, I have to say that it's really only her business and many of us would be annoyed if we were asked to share our email (and many of us would take it as our partners having suspicions and would be offended if asked ...it would seem like being checked up on). If it's the latter, then maybe that's just the way she is - I know that when I worked in software development I password-protected everything to a point of obsession (lol) because that's the way things were done at work!
What exactly do you mean when you say she's being secretive? Do you ask to check her email or her phone and she says no? Or has she simply password-protected everything?
If it's the former, I have to say that it's really only her business and many of us would be annoyed if we were asked to share our email (and many of us would take it as our partners having suspicions and would be offended if asked ...it would seem like being checked up on). If it's the latter, then maybe that's just the way she is - I know that when I worked in software development I password-protected everything to a point of obsession (lol) because that's the way things were done at work!
Report This| Share this:Need avise!!!I think you probably have two separate issues ... Has she always had a low libido or is this something recent?<br /> <br />What exactly do you mean when you say she's being secretive? Do you ask to check her email or her phone and she says no? Or has she simply password-protected everything? <br /> <br />If it's the former, I have to say that it's really only her business and many of us would be annoyed if we were asked to share our email (and many of us would take it as our partners having suspicions and would be offended if asked ...it would seem like being checked up on). If it's the latter, then maybe that's just the way she is - I know that when I worked in software development I password-protected <b>everything</b> to a point of obsession (lol) because that's the way things were done at work!
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
I agree with the others who have said you cannot know whether she is having an affair; but what you do know is that there are big problems in your marriage. You don"019t feel emotionally close with your wife (which must be the case, or you wouldn"019t be wondering about her communications). Your unhappiness with your sex life sounds like another symptom of this -- unless it was a problem that existed before. To improve your marriage, you need to address these things with her. Find a time when you are both calm and have time to discuss the issue. Be careful not to attack, or you will just get a defensive response. Tell her what you are seeing and then describe how it makes you feel (perhaps, sad, lonely, hurt, etc). If things go well, you will be opening up honest and constructive communication; and this will be the first of many heart-felt conversations. One more thing: Be prepared for hearing her side of things and try to really "01Cget"01D her perspective. And whether or not she is having an affair, you might consider having some marital counseling to help you through this difficult time.
Report This| Share this:Need avise!!!I agree with the others who have said you cannot know whether she is having an affair; but what you do know is that there are big problems in your marriage. You don"019t feel emotionally close with your wife (which must be the case, or you wouldn"019t be wondering about her communications). Your unhappiness with your sex life sounds like another symptom of this -- unless it was a problem that existed before. To improve your marriage, you need to address these things with her. Find a time when you are both calm and have time to discuss the issue. Be careful not to attack, or you will just get a defensive response. Tell her what you are seeing and then describe how it makes you feel (perhaps, sad, lonely, hurt, etc). If things go well, you will be opening up honest and constructive communication; and this will be the first of many heart-felt conversations. One more thing: Be prepared for hearing her side of things and try to really "01Cget"01D her perspective. And whether or not she is having an affair, you might consider having some marital counseling to help you through this difficult time. <br /><br /><br />
13dan replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Thank you for your advise. I have tried counseling and opened up communications between the two of us. The situation has not changed. I will keep trying and hopefully it will work.
Report This| Share this:Need avise!!!Thank you for your advise. I have tried counseling and opened up communications between the two of us. The situation has not changed. I will keep trying and hopefully it will work.
qtn3087 responded:
You need to talk and confront her about it. As in my case, I went through my girlfriend e-mail and phone record after we moved in together, and found out that she has a dozen of guys that she slept with and still talking with the last one, including texting each other. Since then, I could not feel the same about her anymore. She went to church regularly, being very honest before we moved in together. It is devastating to me now, since I knew all about it, I would rather have her tell me all this, instead of found out later. Sometimes I wish that I never know all these thing. As most of you are Westerners think that sneaking through someone else e-mail is a privacy, I agree, but live together as husband and wife, these things must be discussed and no secrets should be hiding between the two. I love her, but every time when we have sex, I felt so dirty about her that sleeping with a dozen of guys, and that issue still haunting me everyday. Easy to say to forgive, but not forget, especially when you are being lied to. I hope you are not running into my shoes. But if there is any doubt in relationship, it will not last. Hope your case is not as terrible as mine, but if I were you, I would still find out anyway, it would be best for a long run. Good luck my friend.
Report This| Share this:Need avise!!!You need to talk and confront her about it. As in my case, I went through my girlfriend e-mail and phone record after we moved in together, and found out that she has a dozen of guys that she slept with and still talking with the last one, including texting each other. Since then, I could not feel the same about her anymore. She went to church regularly, being very honest before we moved in together. It is devastating to me now, since I knew all about it, I would rather have her tell me all this, instead of found out later. Sometimes I wish that I never know all these thing. As most of you are Westerners think that sneaking through someone else e-mail is a privacy, I agree, but live together as husband and wife, these things must be discussed and no secrets should be hiding between the two. I love her, but every time when we have sex, I felt so dirty about her that sleeping with a dozen of guys, and that issue still haunting me everyday. Easy to say to forgive, but not forget, especially when you are being lied to. I hope you are not running into my shoes. But if there is any doubt in relationship, it will not last. Hope your case is not as terrible as mine, but if I were you, I would still find out anyway, it would be best for a long run. Good luck my friend.
See Related Sex & Relationships Communities
Helpful Tips
Tips on Lubricant Use
Many people have questions about how to use lubricant for more comfortable, pleasurable sex. Here are some tips you might consider: 1. ... More
Was this Helpful?
31
of
43 found this helpful
-
Premature ejaculation- helpful hints
-
Sex Toys
-
Tools to protect yourself from infections during oral sex
Helpful Resources
Related News
Related Drug Reviews
- Drug Name User Reviews
Report Problems to the
Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
For more information, visit Dr. Becker-Phelps' website
Other Sexual Health Information
- Sex & Relationships Center
- When to See a Sex Therapist
- Couples Coping Support Group Relationship advice for members like you!
-
More Related Communities
The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, reviews, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. User-generated content areas are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service, or treatment.
Do not consider WebMD User-generated content as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.
Health Solutions From Our Sponsors
About WebMD Advertise With Us Terms of Use Privacy Policy Sponsor Policy Site Map Careers Contact Us
First Aid WebMD Magazine WebMD Health Record WebMD Mobile Newsletters Dictionary Physician Directory
©2005-2013 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.