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Recovering from a Threesome with my Husband
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An_211549 posted:
So my husband and I decided to act out one of our fantasies recently and yes, it was both mine and his fantasy. Now I am having a tough time getting over it.
We had a threesome with another woman (someone neither of us knew) and I can't get it out of my head now. I am constantly thinking about it and good ways and bad ways. I think it is also causing self esteem issues. I am also always concerned that my husband is thinking of that other woman and if she performed better than me, etc.
Please help! I need some suggestions on how I can move past this. It has in fact spiced up our sex life, which we in really needed, but I also think it had a negative impact on my self esteem. Part of me feels ashamed about it.
I have tried to talk to my husband about these feelings I have and he reassures me that he loves me and not to worry about it. He tells me nicely to just get over it.
I know that we will never do it again and my husband has moved on from it but now I need to feel okay about it too.
Thoughts?
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An_211550 responded:
Well I know you may think to yourself now coulda,woulda,shoulda but did'nt yeah kinda too late but hey atleast the two of you acted out a fantasy you had and I bet at the time it was enjoying!and atleast it was with an unknown feale and not a close friend as it would of been more harder feelings!how long have you & your guy been together?I hope things will work out for you two for the best because that is a test of love for one another.take care
 
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FenwayBree replied to An_211550's response:
My husband and I will be married for 1 year come June. We are extremely close and have an amazing marriage in every aspect (emotional, spiritual, mentally, physically, etc).
3704 - You are right. I am glad it was with someone neither of us knew at all and will never see again. I guess my problem is really only in my head as it hasn't affected anything in our marriage.
So now I need help coping with the thought of another woman pleasing my husband and if she performed better than me.
By the way, we had ground rules before we acted and they were followed to the tee. Both of us behaved just as we asked eachother.
Oh well... thoughts?
 
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FenwayBree replied to FenwayBree's response:
ooops, know you know my user name.

oh well.
 
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Aleigh1978 replied to FenwayBree's response:
Wow that's great that you two are close and have a great marriage!IU think you two will be just fine and trust me I'd prolly feel the same in your situation if it were me!ok then here's my username too now were even!LOL take care L:)
 
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Aleigh1978 replied to FenwayBree's response:
You should also maybe try asking Leslie Becker-phelps for some advice on this also or if you really think this issue is getting to you maybe look into seeing a counselor but then who really wants to involve all that?LOL I really honestly think you 2 will be great because it sounds like you two have a great marriage!you two just enjoyed a little fun and now it's over you could just continue on spicing it with good ole videos!
 
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Contemplating19 replied to Aleigh1978's response:
lol@ you two stepping out from behind Anon. Too cute...

Anyway,

I've never been in a threesome, nor have I been married. But, I would think that if you set the ground rules and they were never overstepped you shouldn't be too concerned about it.

If you know (and it sounds as if you do) that your husband is completely in love with you and you two have a great marraige you should just calm down on wondering if she performed better. I'm willing to bet you're the better performer to him simply because he's actually in love with you. Whereas the other woman was merely a jump off.

I had an ex who had the cowgirl position mastered perfectly, then I met another woman and fell completely in love with her. And, even though the cowgirl position wasn't done like the other girl did it, it was the best to me because my heart was with her.

I say you have nothing to worry about.

I went and read about threesomes after I read your post to get some more understanding about the situation. This is something I read that stuck out to me:

"After she's gone, it's time for you and your partner to connect with each other, talk about the experience and re-live together what you've accomplished! This is the time to bring out your feelings and tell each other honestly how the experience was. It's also the time to compliment each other as much as possible about what you just accomplished. From this moment the female in the seducing couple becomes the "queen of the world" and the male's duty is to spoil her rotten for days to come. This works in his favor, because it'll be an incentive for her to allow you to experience more threesomes!"


Read more: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/the-morning-after-a-threesome-185127.html#ixzz0o5Zq20Ib
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Did your husband do something to this effect? Did you two sit and talk about the experience? Did you savor it together while the other chick was long gone? Has he stopped looking at you like he used to? Maybe you can/should tell him that you need him to be more open to you physically (as in physically showing he is attracted to you) and that will help boost your self-esteem. Or, by all means think of soemthing else spicy to do (without a 3rd party) and just watch at how sexually aroused he gets. I would think that's a good way to boost your self-esteem. If all else fails, it would probably be a good idea to consult professional help.
 
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Elle0317 responded:
The easiest way to solve this problem is to have MFM 3sum, then you will have the shoe on the other foot, and probably have more fun...
 
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fcl responded:
This is why fantasies are often left as fantasies ... You're suffering from something that neither of you had expected and that is nevertheless fairly common - emotional fallout. There are not many people who can deal with having a threesome with someone you love. Personally, I have had a number of threesomes but never with the man I love. I couldn't. I couldn't handle what happens afterwards.

Your reaction is perfectly legitimate and is also very painful. Think about it. You've faced a potential nightmare situation - watching your husband making love to another woman. Of course it's hard to move past.

Your husband is being nice about it but isn't really being very helpful. I think the only way you'll be able to feel better about the whole situation is to get a bit of counselling to help sort out your thoughts and how you can accept this.

I'm really sorry that it turned out this way for you. (((HUGS)))
 
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FenwayBree replied to fcl's response:
All great advice! I am liking Elle0317's advice a lot but I think I will stick with Contemplating19's advice.
I am feeling better and better about this as it really actually helped us in our sexually rut.
Sex has been hotter and more entense now and I know that my husband is still madly in love with me. He looks at me the same as he did prior to this happen. He may even be more turned on by me now.
We have spoken more about it since my orginally post and he said a few things that made me feel more comfortable and confident. He told me that 'it was our own little adventure and no one has to know about it expect for us', 'I love you more than anything and you turn me on so much', 'We don't have to ever do that again unless I wanted to'.
I may want to 'milk' it just a bit longer though and try to get a benefit in bed from it. Is that selfish?
Thoughts?
 
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Blake_Valentine replied to FenwayBree's response:
Yes. Incredibly selfish. The people who posted here did out of concern for you but now that everything's rosy you are asking for permission to milk it? Jeeesh.
 
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FenwayBree replied to Blake_Valentine's response:
Okay Blake_Valentine... it was just a thought. No need to pass quick judgement that I am a selfish person. Or say 'Jeeesh'.
I honestly have been taking care of him in bed more than the usual since the 'little adventure' so I sure haven't acted on the thought of 'milking it'.
 
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An_211551 responded:
Maybe ask yourself how your sex life is going to be in 10 years time if it's already gotten boring by the end of your first year and, if every time it flags, you bring someone else in to "fix" it.

Try exploring things you can do together so that YOU (one or the other or both of you) become the remedy next time you're bored.
 
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FenwayBree replied to An_211551's response:
Good point 475. It's weird because we have always been sexually people.
It was just 2 months ago that we hit this rut and I think it mainly had to do with $ and stress from work.
Prior to that we have always been very active. We have known eachother for over 6 years and have been married for 1 year. Throughout all this time we have always been very open to new sexually experiences but this was the 1st time we acted on it. I am glad we did it now compared to if we did it when we were 1st dating. The reason being is because we are stronger as a couple and we are happily married.
I will still need to work on some of my self esteem issues though. Thinking more about it though, I think that I may have had some of these problems before the threesome even though I was confident and sure enough to act on our fantasy.
Well, I guess we will see were what will happen next. I am curious to see how our sex life will continue. Right now it is hotter than ever!
 
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FenwayBree replied to FenwayBree's response:
I am wondering how I can also get an expert's advice on my above matters? Like Leslie Becker-Phelps, Phd....


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