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An_213022 posted:
Husband has had a bleed in his brain due to a vessel rupture in 1998. He has recovered but not completely. No sexual contact since this occurred. Lack of interest from his part. He does'nt even think about sex, or hugs or kissing me anymore. I am out of tricks, and I don't know where to look for help. Its has been a lonely life, and all the children have left the home. And now we are alone, I had to quit work due to low back pain, rupture disc. So, I stay home most of the time. he is in one room and I stay in another. All suggestions welcome! Thanks
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
It does sound like a lonely existence. I'm sure there is more to the situation, probably too much to share here. I wonder about how impaired he is in general- i.e. his thinking, his ability to communicate, his ability to relate. If you suspect what you are seeing is due to the vessel rupture, then you might want to contact his doctor (or find a new one) and ask about his/her assessment and what can be done. Perhaps there are medical ways to help improve the problems; or, perhaps there are other ways to help, such as counseling.

Based on you saying that you stay home most of the time (and I admit this is little to go on), I'm also wondering whether you are depressed; i.e. isolating a lot, very sad, fatigued, lacking interest in things. If you are, you might want to look into ways to get out, do things you enjoy, and meet people whose company you enjoy. If you are unable to find happiness on your own, then you might want to consider therapy for yourself.
luvmy2babiesmuch replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
it does in fact sound lonely, isolated and down right pitiful. Many of the things are things that neither you nor him can help, nor overcome, they are the health issues,, On the other hand, they are somewhat causing the loneliness and isolation, but the two of you are allowing it to be a ripple effect. I would discuss this with him,, does he miss the talks, you in bed, the cuddling, sex, etc?? if he does then you 2 need to work on how to get it all back, take little steps to a common goal. If he does not miss them, then you can still work through it, and you will see that it's not a lack of love, but health reasons that some of those things have been left behind- and he can see that he should also still do some of the things. I hate to see married couples sleep apart, it compounds "any" issues that they ever had. JMO! I would also start going to church. You and DH need the Lords help to help you through such trying times, and you will also gets lots of good friends, places to go, common interests, etc.. JMO,, maybe it could help!

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