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Low self esteem...
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An_213062 posted:
When I was in middle school I had a very low self esteem due to being over weight. Once I got into high school I got my curves and lost all my baby fat. I started to get A LOT of attention and my self esteem went up tremendously. It wasnt only because of the attention but I was just finally confident in myself. I have been with my husband since I was a Freshman in high school. Of course we were on and off until I turned 18. Now I am 20. He never knew the side of me with a low self esteem. He knew me as, "the girl who knew she was a catch." Lately my self esteem has gone down so much and I do not know why. I am getting very very depressed. I do not like to get ready like I use to(I only want to wear T shirts, tennies, and put my hair up. I use to always have my hair and makeup done and had to always wear heels). I think I am fat again when everyone says I have been losing weight. I work my butt off at work, clean my home, cook for my husband, and work out on a daily. I should be proud of myself but I feel like I can never get anything done and I feel lazy. I think that it is going to eventually effect my marriage if I dont do something about it. I have been trying to go back to the way I was. I thought that by working out it would help but I get frusterated. I try to motivate myself to get ready but I cant. I keep thinking that my husband is not attracted to me and I make stupid comments to fight. I know that I am wrong for doing so but I cant seem to change it. Any suggestions on what I should do? Should I make it a point to get ready NO MATTER what? Please help me! Has anyone else been through this?
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An_213063 responded:
Yeah I get what your saying totally! I used to have very low self esteem but it was due to being very underweight and underdeveloped while all the other girls had womanly figures and bf's. Then I had a couple of babies and finally I gotta butt and some boobies lol yeaaaaa! Anyways I still get down sometimes like that. What I do is fake it sometimes I fake feeling good and looking good and it usually takes a couple of weeks but you know I really actually start feeling better. Its really weird even when I just dont feel like getting up and fixing my hair I do it and I put on a dress or something more sexy. So my advice is to just fake it till you make it maybe it will work for you too :)
 
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alaska_mommy responded:
Sounds like classic depression signs to me...
Been there done that. Have many T-shirts to prove it.
I'm on Zoloft currently.
It might be something you'll be able to snap out of, or you might want to consider counseling or medication to help you out of "the black hole." And please don't blame yourself for it. Do you have depression in your family at all? Any major life changes recently?
I agree with the PP, don't let yourself go too far...it doesn't help to give in to the feelings, it only makes it more pronounced. Don't feel like you have to look like a model, but work to fight against the tendency to just slide into the dark feelings.
Remember, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Depression has a way of making you feel more depressed because you feel inadequate, lazy, ugly, fat, you name it. So you feel more depressed. If you don't snap out of it within a week or two, I'd go see your medical doctor or go get counseling.
How long has it been going on already?
 
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Luca_Brasi responded:
I find it difficult to believe that a 20 YEAR OLD can be that down and depressed, wait till middle age and then you will face much more difficult hurdles.

It sounds to me that your husband is quite pleased with his wife. The first step you have accomplished and that is realizing you have changed. It should be easy to get back what you claimed to have lost.
 
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FCL responded:
What bothers me about yuor post is that you seem to take everything so seriously. You do things because you should. When was the last time you did anything just for the pleasure of it? When did you last do something just for fun? Maybe if y ou shifted your focus from "duty" and "should" to "fun" and "enjoy" ?

What is going to ruin your marriage is that you are spending way too much time thinking about appearances and not simply enjoying being with your husband. He sys everything is fine and yet you still pick fights. Why?

Have you considered counselling to help you find out why you are like this?

Again, shift your focus. You're only 20 for goodness sake. Enjoy it!
 
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alaska_mommy replied to Luca_Brasi's response:
Believe it, I'm 28 and I've dealt with many bouts of depression before. Why do you think teens commit suicide? Because they're happy and everything is fine? Sure, life can be much more difficult when you get older, but it can get you down when you're younger too...just because someone is in their 20's doesn't mean you're immune to depression.
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
It can feel impossibly hard when you are feeing that down and don't know how to pull yourself up again. I wish I could make it all better for you with this post, but all I can do is make a few suggestions and pose some (hopefully helpful) questions.

When you say that your self-esteem has gone down "lately", I'm wondering how long that is. When did it start? Once you identify that, perhaps you can figure out what triggered it. Has something changed in your life? Is it related to your menstrual cycle? Did something happen that triggered your return to thinking and feeling this way?

As for whether you should "fake it 'til you make it", that's worth a try. Sometimes it can help to get yourself going. However, if trying this doesn't work, it's important to accept this as a sign that you are feeling too bad for this to work-- and that you need to do something else.

Also, I am concerned about whether this sadness and low self-esteem are signs of a real depression. Some signs of depression are sadness, low self-esteem, withdrawal from people, lack of interests, problems sleeping, change in appetite, and difficulty with daily activities. If are experiencing these and they have gone on for at least 2 weeks, I suggest you see a therapist. Also, if you are having suicidal thoughts, please consult a therapist. If you don't know where to find one, you can check the American Psychological Association's Psychologist Locator .

And, please continue to reach out to people -- here and with friends and family -- for support.
 
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tmlmtlrl responded:
Don't feel alone...your post sounds like me a lot of times. I say try not to take it out on your DH. Keep exercising because it is good for depression, even though it's hard to do when you don't feel motivated! You don't have to always look your best but you do need to do yourself up sometimes even when you don't feel like it cuz it usually will make you feel better. Have some positive sayings wrote down and put them on your mirror, or on a pad a paper in your purse (and read them). And remind yourself that your DH chooses to be with you, loves you, and thinks your beautiful!! And listen if everyone is telling you your losing weight but you think your getting fat then you need to step away from the mirror!! Literally! Sometimes when I feel bad about the way I look I take a few steps back and look at the big picture and realize I am beautiful and I'm just pickin at myself/bringin myself down. Stop giving yourself such a hard time. I know that's easier said than done, but truly you are so young. I am now 33 yrs old (and I am still a hot momma!!) but I look at older pics of myself and think wow I really was always beautiful, what was wrong with me that I couldn't see it then?? I wish I could've seen it then. I think about that and try not to take myself for granted anymore. I try not to be so hard on myself. My husband and I compliment eachother daily which I love, and sometimes i still have a hard time (which seems ridiculous, but u know what I'm sayin)....but the truth is the only one that has the power to make me really feel beautiful is me. That's a hard one to learn but very true. I hope this helps you and maybe saves you some self-inflicted heartache through the years cuz I really wish I could've heard this years ago and believed it.
Also, if you need a boost...get dressed up & done up and go out. Put your head up and watch all the men out of the corner of your eyes checkin you out!! It sounds a little cheezy but it is a nice quick fix. You don't have to go to a bar either. Go to the mall or something. A little attention helps you feel good and confirms [to you> that your DH is being honest. Please don't take this out of context (i believe your DH is being honest, this is more of self thought pattern that i'm referring to), it is only a momentary quick ego fix to set your mind straight.


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