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Is masturbastion my only solution?
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An_213299 posted:
Hi,
I am a lesbian in a long term relationship but can't orgasm other than by self stimulation. I have never been able to with other people, not from lack of trying either. I think it is psychological because I can only achieve orgasm alone... if they are in the room, even if they are not watching me, I can't climax. My girlfriend is very frustrated and thinks its her fault. She told me that I could sleep with other people as long as I was safe and she knew where I was. I am NOT okay with that but she gave up trying along time ago... now she will climax, hand me a vibrator and leave the room.. what can I do???????
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tmlmtlrl responded:
What is your self stimulation? I ask because you mention the vibrator. If you only get off that way maybe you should not use it for awhile, have her use it while doing oral, or use it to get you almost there and have her finish. Otherwise it really sounds like your biggest problem is your mind and you need to R E L A X!!! Focus on the feelings you're having and not on achieving an orgasm. That is a big problem for a lot of people..they become so focused on having one that they can't possibly relax enough to have one. If this is so I would recommend going without stimulation of any kind for about a week and then giving it a go with your woman again and just focusing on all the sensations you are feeling from her.
 
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3point14 responded:
What is different about what you do alone than with other people? And I don't mean the amount of people, I mean are you more relaxed, more able to focus on just you? No offense, are you an insecure person?

How do you masturbate? Is it similar to what your GF does to/for you?

Your girlfriend does sound like she's taking this all the wrong way. I'm not worried about her inability to make you climax, but I am worried about her attitude towards that. Have you talked with her about how that makes you feel?
 
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LeeLou25 responded:
I was this way up until my current partner. I had an O with one of my exes one time ever and never with anyone else. I didnt have one with the man im with now untill I was about 4 months pregnant and it just happend unexpectedly. Now I am not able to every time but most of the time if we have at least 15 minutes of foreplay and 15 min of sex. I think for me its also a psychological. I think with my current I feel so comfortable and I know he thinks im amazing so thats why im able to now. I just couldnt get comfortalbe with the others like that and I think its easier becasue im older. Maybe it will come with age for you also. Just try working on being more relaxed with her. I would say try some alcohol but that makes it worse for me.
 
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Heatherjean_27 replied to An_213305's response:
I feel great about my body.. I like the lights on, I am a very visual person!
 
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LeeLou25 replied to Heatherjean_27's response:
Do you think that using porn would help? Would she be open to that?
 
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3point14 replied to Heatherjean_27's response:
I think adding another person to the mix would be a bad decision. She could be suggesting that because she feels inadequate, and she could just be frustrated. ((hug)) I think it might just wind up being more trouble, and especially with her being pregnant, she might regret even making that offer.

If something is against your moral code, it isn't going to make you feel any less guilty or anything either, really.

Why does she 'hate' oral? Is there any way you can make it more fun for her? I honestly could not have a relationship without it, so I understand your frustration! Maybe if you explained to her that you get sincere enjoyment out of it, and take pains to make it pleasant for her (showering to minimize smell, using honey or something to minimize taste), you could successfully climax and she could feel more empowered that she did it for you.

As for guilt about receiving pleasure, who said you just had to receive?! :) Why not finger her while she does the same to you, or get a double-ended dildo? Then you have the physical pleasure with also the pleasure of pleasing! (oh boy that sounded confusing! hahaha)

Have you sought therapy for the "guilt" issue? I'm sure coming out, or even getting to a place where you can openly have a GF if you haven't come out yet, was pretty stressful. Maybe it'd help to talk to a professional about that, and how your upbringing has induced sexual anxiety?

hehehe So I guess I take back my original advice. You can let one more person into your life, but it has to be a GLBT sex-friendly therapist. :)

And congrats on the baby!! Good luck! (and sorry about all the in-fighting. it's usually not that bad 'round here so please don't let that turn you off on this site. there's actually also a mostly inactive GLBT board you might wanna check out if you haven't yet) :)


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