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my husband slept with my best friend
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melissamlamson posted:
my husband and i were having some problems. our fighting was getting out of control and he was doing things that made me not trust him. so with my friends help i moved out and got my own apartment. well about a month later i find out they are sleeping together. my best friend! so after that my husband and i completely stopped trying to work things out. im obviously not friends with her. now 4 months later they are in a relationship and in love already! im just struggling with this. im so hurt and its all i think about all day long still. its distracting me at work. and i cant have any normal relationships. i just couldnt believe they could both do this to me. and they both are in denial. they dont think they did anything wrong. i could never be with him again but i do still love him. i want to move on but its so hard. because also she lives 2 houses down from me. so i always see them together. im so hurt and angry. i feel like im never going to love anyone ever again. i felt like he was my soul mate and now he is already in love with her. how could he give his heart away so quickly??? i feel like this might have been going on while we were still together. i mean she encouraged me to leave me. i was so blind. support? advise?
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An_213873 responded:
thats why we have to be careful about the girls that we have "as friends" and have our eyes wide opened. now you just have to let go, is his lost, they deserved eachother. and just remember what ever starts wrong it will end up worst...
 
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fcl responded:
Well, I kind of feel that when you move out of the family home you are cutting ties ... Your husband was probably expecting divorce papers in the near future when you did that.

I'm not really sure I understand why you left. I realize it's probably too late now but did you consider counselling?

I realize that this must hurt like heck and I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Do you still speak to him?

I know this is going to sound hackneyed but only time will help - that and spending time on yourself. Maybe counselling would be of assistance - if it helps you identify what went wrong in your couple you could avoid doing the sale thing over and over. Definitely look into finding another place to live. you don't want to have your nose rubbed in it every time you go out, do you?

(((((HUGS)))))
 
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georgiagail responded:
If you thought he was your soul mate, it would have been far better to remain living together and attempt to work out your problems with professional counseling.

Your moving out was a signal that you believed the marriage was over and one should move on. Obviously your husband did exactly that.

Gail
 
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soobleuuu replied to georgiagail's response:
Dont forget she was only trusting and following the support of the "loyal,understanding friend". Who in the end as conveniently found love with her husband. From looking at it more i wouldnt doubt if it was going on longer than that if they are truly "in love". Sorry this has happened. Stay strong and know that things will get better. All of us has gone thru this, will go thru this, or is going to go thru something similiar to this at least once in our lifetimes. IMO
 
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fcl replied to soobleuuu's response:
She's a grown up. Her decisions are her own. Whether or not she decided to leave on her own or not she gave up on her marriage - she left.It doesn't matter when this started. What IS important is what she intends to do with the rest of her life.
 
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chilihot88 responded:
I honestly believe that the strongest possibility is that they were together before you moved out of the house and if that was the case it may have even contributed to the arguments that you had with your husband....ther eis nothing much i can say right now to make you feel consoled cuz i know this hurts like hell cliche as it may sound only time will heal this wound
 
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tmlmtlrl responded:
Yeah regardless of when, why, what if, you need to find a new focus!

Get dressed up and go out tonight. Dance away your anger. It's only a short fix but it is better than being miserable. Things happen for a reason.

If moving is an option I'd jump on it! Otherwise find other things to do and focus on...try not to look down the road and see them. You are only making yourself miserable. Both of them are showing no regard for you or your feelings, so that means neither one of them was ever good enough to be in your life in the first place
 
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LeeLou25 replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
Oh honey im so sorry but like tmlmtlrl said "both of them are showing no regaurd for you or your feelings, so that means neither one of them was ever good enough to be in your life in the first place." Its going to just take time before you are able to get passed this. I would try and do as many things to keep you occupied as you can right now. Try going out with friends it seems that was the only thing that kept me going when I went through something similar. Stay positive you will get through this
 
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life3200 responded:
Hi my name is Tina
I will like to say is that you are strong you may not think you are but you are God is with you through all of this he will help you trough this and work on your situation everything will be ok and I pray that you will find love again with someone that will cherish you and only you and not your friends. God Bless You.
 
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An_213874 responded:
I am so sorry, this is terrible. Those two don't have a conscience or a heart. They are nothing but snakes. The best thing they did was get out of your life. So you should thank your lucky stars you found out who they really are sooner than later. You are very lucky to not have children with this man.

It would be healthier for you to move and start over. This must be very hard for you. Be the strong woman that you are, and handle it with dignity and class. Karma will come back to them eventually. No one escapes karma.
 
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ImOdie responded:
I look at your pos and wonder Who is in denial. What were you fighting about? What was he doing that made you distrust him? You left I'm sure he felt that you were gone, for good. You probably told your friend all about your fights and why you didn't trust your husband.... Act II: You're gone and she feels that she knows that he is not a bad guy.... Soooooo she makes a move.....

Why be hurt....You left him. You got your own appartment. A man can give himself very quickly.... I have a gf and a wife and another gf. My wife and my gf's all know about each other, oh, and one is married and her husband and my wife and she and I are good friends. If you wash your laundry outside..... the dye can rub off on other garments....It's now time to clean up the spilled milk and not cry over it. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I'm sorry if I sound like I'm not on your side...It sounds like you've made your bed and don't like lying in it. It sound like it's a done deal and weather or not they had something going before is now a moot point... Maybe she encouraged you to leave because of what you had told her.... Maybe Nothing was going on between them until you left. Maybe he was trying to find out how you were doing and they found each other. Sometimes friends become more than friends...it happens...

It's now time for you to realize the real reality... It's over. Get on with your life and nex time you won't fight with your lover/mate/lover/SO . There are ways to fight and there are ways to fight where everybody wins....What happened in the past is past What happens in the future is what you make it.

Good luck
Odie
 
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melissamlamson replied to fcl's response:
we were still talking about getting back together. we were together for 8 yrs. yes we did couple counselling. and no i dont talk to him. we will never be on good terms as far as im concerned.
 
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melissamlamson replied to georgiagail's response:
moved out because our fighting was getting very physically abusive. and we had already done counseling.
 
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melissamlamson replied to ImOdie's response:
youre right ... we are not on the same page :S i dont like this response.


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