Husband set me up with another man, but it was really him
Decogirl1966 posted:
Ive never heard of this before and I need help. I want to first say, I had 2 encounters with male friends. I told my husband and we worked through it. Since I turned 40, Ive felt I needed to feel sexy again. These 2 men played me, told me what I wanted to hear to get what they wanted. But even though I knew this, I still wanted to feel those feelings. I know what I did was wrong and I've taken responsibality for it. Now to what happened....last Nov.(2009) my husband talked me into taking sexy pictures to post on a porn site. I did it and to be honest I did like the comments I got. I received emails from men. I didnt know this was part of what you could do. My husband wanted me to talk to them and exchange pictures with them. There was one guy that was my "perfect man". We exchanged emails and pictures. We ended up talking every day via emails. We became very good friends and virtual lovers. We fell in love with each other, we could talk about anything. Open honest talk with no judgement. I got to know his family and friends. He got to know mine. My husband knew all of this and I would even share emails with him and he would take pictures for me to send to him. We had planed to meet back in March when he was in my state for business but it didnt work out. Yes I told my husband after the fact. He was very upset but said he understood why I would want to meet him. After many months of "seeing" him, we decided to talk on the phone. We only talked once but it was so good to hear his voice for the first time. He told me he loved me and I told him I loved him too. I was on cloud 9!
The other night I decided to check my husbands phone. I wanted to read some text between him and a female friend of his because she helped him through our rough time earlier in the year. I read about "us" talking on the phone. She asked him how that could have happened. He said " voice changing soft ware, aint tecnology great" !!!! I was in shock!!! I left the page up, got my keys and left the house. I emailed my "friend" telling him I knew the whole lie. He even email me back wantin to know WTF was going on! I asked my husband to meet me and he admitted to making up this person and all his friends! He created this other world for me. He did this from day one and kept it up for 11 months. He planned it all, he made me fall in love with this person. Now their all gone and I'm grieving the lose and cant believe my husband did this. We've tried to talk about it but he doesnt have many answers. I know in my head these people aren't real but why do I still feel like I want to talk to him to help me through this! Thats just insane!!! I cant even look at my husband knowing he set my up from day one to see if I would hook up with this guy. When he knew we never would, he even introduced me to one of "his" friends to see if I would go after him! I understand if I hadn't done what I did with the other men maybe this would have never happened. But it has happened and I dont know what to do.......
The other night I decided to check my husbands phone. I wanted to read some text between him and a female friend of his because she helped him through our rough time earlier in the year. I read about "us" talking on the phone. She asked him how that could have happened. He said " voice changing soft ware, aint tecnology great" !!!! I was in shock!!! I left the page up, got my keys and left the house. I emailed my "friend" telling him I knew the whole lie. He even email me back wantin to know WTF was going on! I asked my husband to meet me and he admitted to making up this person and all his friends! He created this other world for me. He did this from day one and kept it up for 11 months. He planned it all, he made me fall in love with this person. Now their all gone and I'm grieving the lose and cant believe my husband did this. We've tried to talk about it but he doesnt have many answers. I know in my head these people aren't real but why do I still feel like I want to talk to him to help me through this! Thats just insane!!! I cant even look at my husband knowing he set my up from day one to see if I would hook up with this guy. When he knew we never would, he even introduced me to one of "his" friends to see if I would go after him! I understand if I hadn't done what I did with the other men maybe this would have never happened. But it has happened and I dont know what to do.......
15 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himIve never heard of this before and I need help. I want to first say, I had 2 encounters with male friends. I told my husband and we worked through it. Since I turned 40, Ive felt I needed to feel sexy again. These 2 men played me, told me what I wanted to hear to get what they wanted. But even though I knew this, I still wanted to feel those feelings. I know what I did was wrong and I've taken responsibality for it. Now to what happened....last Nov.(2009) my husband talked me into taking sexy pictures to post on a porn site. I did it and to be honest I did like the comments I got. I received emails from men. I didnt know this was part of what you could do. My husband wanted me to talk to them and exchange pictures with them. There was one guy that was my "perfect man". We exchanged emails and pictures. We ended up talking every day via emails. We became very good friends and virtual lovers. We fell in love with each other, we could talk about anything. Open honest talk with no judgement. I got to know his family and friends. He got to know mine. My husband knew all of this and I would even share emails with him and he would take pictures for me to send to him. We had planed to meet back in March when he was in my state for business but it didnt work out. Yes I told my husband after the fact. He was very upset but said he understood why I would want to meet him. After many months of "seeing" him, we decided to talk on the phone. We only talked once but it was so good to hear his voice for the first time. He told me he loved me and I told him I loved him too. I was on cloud 9! <br />The other night I decided to check my husbands phone. I wanted to read some text between him and a female friend of his because she helped him through our rough time earlier in the year. I read about "us" talking on the phone. She asked him how that could have happened. He said " voice changing soft ware, aint tecnology great" !!!! I was in shock!!! I left the page up, got my keys and left the house. I emailed my "friend" telling him I knew the whole lie. He even email me back wantin to know WTF was going on! I asked my husband to meet me and he admitted to making up this person and all his friends! He created this other world for me. He did this from day one and kept it up for 11 months. He planned it all, he made me fall in love with this person. Now their all gone and I'm grieving the lose and cant believe my husband did this. We've tried to talk about it but he doesnt have many answers. I know in my head these people aren't real but why do I still feel like I want to talk to him to help me through this! Thats just insane!!! I cant even look at my husband knowing he set my up from day one to see if I would hook up with this guy. When he knew we never would, he even introduced me to one of "his" friends to see if I would go after him! I understand if I hadn't done what I did with the other men maybe this would have never happened. But it has happened and I dont know what to do.......
queston responded:
Well, here's the short answer: I think your marriage is over.
You violated your husband's trust, and he retaliated by violating yours. And, not in any way to condone his deception, but he did learn that you were willing to "cheat" again, emotionally, if not physically.
Do you have children with him? If not, my suggestion would be to divorce immediately. I have a hard time seeing anything worth fighting for in this marriage.
I'm sorry if this is blunt, but you asked.
You violated your husband's trust, and he retaliated by violating yours. And, not in any way to condone his deception, but he did learn that you were willing to "cheat" again, emotionally, if not physically.
Do you have children with him? If not, my suggestion would be to divorce immediately. I have a hard time seeing anything worth fighting for in this marriage.
I'm sorry if this is blunt, but you asked.
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himWell, here's the short answer: I think your marriage is over.<br /><br />You violated your husband's trust, and he retaliated by violating yours. And, not in any way to condone his deception, but he did learn that you were willing to "cheat" again, emotionally, if not physically.<br /><br />Do you have children with him? If not, my suggestion would be to divorce immediately. I have a hard time seeing anything worth fighting for in this marriage.<br /><br />I'm sorry if this is blunt, but you asked.
frankieser responded:
This sounds really weird. I think it would be best if both of you broke up. I don't think this is going to work out in any way. Both of you have serious trust issues and yet want to somehow try to work through this. With these kinds of levels of distrust, it will never happen, I don't think. Mine is just an opinion but you are better off breaking up and meeting new people who are more compatible with you.
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naggingwife74 responded:
I am curious about a couple of things.
Did your husband ever show any sign that he was upset that you were having another affair? Even though this guy didn't exsist, you were still having an affair as far as you knew.
You told another man that you loved him; did that make you sad or upset or start thinking of divorce?
What your husband did is a little twisted and sick and it's really hard to say if he did it to get back at you or if it was something deaper and he wanted to have that conection with you that you seem to find in other men.
But what you did, to me, would be unforgivable. You had another affair, told another man that you loved him and it is very clear you were ready to take this to a physical level if given the opportunity.
You're marriage is definitely over. There is no respect. All I can really say is karma is a **itch.
Did your husband ever show any sign that he was upset that you were having another affair? Even though this guy didn't exsist, you were still having an affair as far as you knew.
You told another man that you loved him; did that make you sad or upset or start thinking of divorce?
What your husband did is a little twisted and sick and it's really hard to say if he did it to get back at you or if it was something deaper and he wanted to have that conection with you that you seem to find in other men.
But what you did, to me, would be unforgivable. You had another affair, told another man that you loved him and it is very clear you were ready to take this to a physical level if given the opportunity.
You're marriage is definitely over. There is no respect. All I can really say is karma is a **itch.
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himI am curious about a couple of things. <br /> <br />Did your husband ever show any sign that he was upset that you were having another affair? Even though this guy didn't exsist, you were still having an affair as far as you knew.<br /> <br />You told another man that you loved him; did that make you sad or upset or start thinking of divorce? <br /> <br />What your husband did is a little twisted and sick and it's really hard to say if he did it to get back at you or if it was something deaper and he wanted to have that conection with you that you seem to find in other men.<br /> <br />But what you did, to me, would be unforgivable. You had another affair, told another man that you loved him and it is very clear you were ready to take this to a physical level if given the opportunity.<br /> <br />You're marriage is definitely over. There is no respect. All I can really say is karma is a **itch.
Decogirl1966 replied to naggingwife74's response:
Thanks for you honesty! My husband did get upset sometimes and then again he would get a thrill out of it too. I dont know this is one "twisted" mess I've made. We've been married for 26 years.We do want to work this out if we can. We are going to try Professional help.
thanks again for being honest
thanks again for being honest
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himThanks for you honesty! My husband did get upset sometimes and then again he would get a thrill out of it too. I dont know this is one "twisted" mess I've made. We've been married for 26 years.We do want to work this out if we can. We are going to try Professional help. <br />thanks again for being honest
Luca_Brasi replied to Decogirl1966's response:
Did the thought ever occur to you that maybe your spouse was engaging in some hanky panky with another woman during this situation ?
Perhaps, and this is just a theory that he may have used all of this as a distraction while he was having an affair. Just a thought.
Perhaps, and this is just a theory that he may have used all of this as a distraction while he was having an affair. Just a thought.
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himDid the thought ever occur to you that maybe your spouse was engaging in some hanky panky with another woman during this situation ?<br />Perhaps, and this is just a theory that he may have used all of this as a distraction while he was having an affair. Just a thought.
SC_Cat responded:
sounds like both of you need some serious help... that is assuming that you want this marriage to not end in divorce... what you did wasn't a good thing for the marriage but neither was what he did... sorry that things got to this point for both of you... you both need to decide if you want this marriage or not... if either one of you don't, you both need to walk away... good luck...
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himsounds like both of you need some serious help... that is assuming that you want this marriage to not end in divorce... what you did wasn't a good thing for the marriage but neither was what he did... sorry that things got to this point for both of you... you both need to decide if you want this marriage or not... if either one of you don't, you both need to walk away... good luck...
DB0992 responded:
WOW! What a mess. Time to move on for both of you!
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himWOW! What a mess. Time to move on for both of you!
ShonaSemone responded:
This sounds almost like a movie I watched some weeks ago, except that in the movie, the man and woman were divorced and ended up getting back together this way.
Think of it like this. The man you fell in love with, he is your husband. The man you loved talking to on the phone and online, he is your husband. It proves that you can enjoy each other. You both betrayed each others' trust, but if you care enough about each other, you can make it work. With lots of work and dedication, counselling, and a whole lot of communication, your relationship can work out... but only if you both want it to.
Think of it like this. The man you fell in love with, he is your husband. The man you loved talking to on the phone and online, he is your husband. It proves that you can enjoy each other. You both betrayed each others' trust, but if you care enough about each other, you can make it work. With lots of work and dedication, counselling, and a whole lot of communication, your relationship can work out... but only if you both want it to.
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himThis sounds almost like a movie I watched some weeks ago, except that in the movie, the man and woman were divorced and ended up getting back together this way. <br /> <br />Think of it like this. The man you fell in love with, he is your husband. The man you loved talking to on the phone and online, he is your husband. It proves that you can enjoy each other. You both betrayed each others' trust, but if you care enough about each other, you can make it work. With lots of work and dedication, counselling, and a whole lot of communication, your relationship can work out... but only if you both want it to.
tlkittycat1968 responded:
This may sould silly, but this is sort of like that song "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)." The guy was tired of his marriage and sought escape in the personal ads. He found one that sounded like exactly what he was looking for and arraged to meet her at a bar to plan their "escape." When she walked it, it was his wife. He learned new things about her and realized she was his dream woman.
If you can, hopefully you can look at it like that. You both learned new things about each other and how you choose to use that information is up to you.
If you can, hopefully you can look at it like that. You both learned new things about each other and how you choose to use that information is up to you.
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himThis may sould silly, but this is sort of like that song "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)." The guy was tired of his marriage and sought escape in the personal ads. He found one that sounded like exactly what he was looking for and arraged to meet her at a bar to plan their "escape." When she walked it, it was his wife. He learned new things about her and realized she was his dream woman.<br /> <br />If you can, hopefully you can look at it like that. You both learned new things about each other and how you choose to use that information is up to you.
GuardSquealer responded:
I understand the sense of loss that you feel. I had a very torrid online affair a number of years ago. We lived very far away from each other, so I felt it would be safe and fun. A little distraction from the day to day problems of life. After a couple months of heated online conversations, phone sex, and webcam sessions she showed up in my town at a hotel waiting to see me.
Over the next couple of months we were able to spend three nights together. Three very intense and passion filled nights. The last time I saw her she handed me a letter as I left. She explained that it had to end for both of our well beings.
Well we tried that for a while but we wound up starting it back up online. It was too much for her. She started drinking and going to bars. She wound up having sex with a bouncer at one of the bars that she was frequenting. When she told me about it I was heart broken. Even though she was married, the fling with that guy broke my heart.
And the same night her husband caught her getting out of the car, extremely drunk and clearly having just had sex with this guy. She wound up admitting to her husband about me and that she cheated with this guy trying to mask the pain of not being with me. It became very tangled for her. They went to counseling and her counselor told her to end it with me.
She finally did. Didn't even say good bye. Closed all her email accounts and disconnected the phone that we would talk on. That was 6 years ago. I never have heard from her again.
It was very difficult for me. Obviously I couldn't talk to anyone about it. No one knew. My wife was starting to wonder, but she never found out. And none of my friends or family knew. Since she lived ten hours away I couldn't just take off to see her.
If felt like someone close to me died. And I didn't really get to talk to anyone about it. I still wonder how she is doing. I suppose I always will.
So I understand your sense of loss, even though the person you were communicating with wasn't real, I know how close and intimate you must have become with him. And for him just to disappear is crushing. The sense of loss is real.
Of course you now have to decide what course you and your husband will take. If at all possible try to make this a way to get closer to him. If both of you can overcome what has happened.
Strangely it sounds like what happened to you could have been her story after we stopped communicating. Your not her are you? lol.
Over the next couple of months we were able to spend three nights together. Three very intense and passion filled nights. The last time I saw her she handed me a letter as I left. She explained that it had to end for both of our well beings.
Well we tried that for a while but we wound up starting it back up online. It was too much for her. She started drinking and going to bars. She wound up having sex with a bouncer at one of the bars that she was frequenting. When she told me about it I was heart broken. Even though she was married, the fling with that guy broke my heart.
And the same night her husband caught her getting out of the car, extremely drunk and clearly having just had sex with this guy. She wound up admitting to her husband about me and that she cheated with this guy trying to mask the pain of not being with me. It became very tangled for her. They went to counseling and her counselor told her to end it with me.
She finally did. Didn't even say good bye. Closed all her email accounts and disconnected the phone that we would talk on. That was 6 years ago. I never have heard from her again.
It was very difficult for me. Obviously I couldn't talk to anyone about it. No one knew. My wife was starting to wonder, but she never found out. And none of my friends or family knew. Since she lived ten hours away I couldn't just take off to see her.
If felt like someone close to me died. And I didn't really get to talk to anyone about it. I still wonder how she is doing. I suppose I always will.
So I understand your sense of loss, even though the person you were communicating with wasn't real, I know how close and intimate you must have become with him. And for him just to disappear is crushing. The sense of loss is real.
Of course you now have to decide what course you and your husband will take. If at all possible try to make this a way to get closer to him. If both of you can overcome what has happened.
Strangely it sounds like what happened to you could have been her story after we stopped communicating. Your not her are you? lol.
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himI understand the sense of loss that you feel. I had a very torrid online affair a number of years ago. We lived very far away from each other, so I felt it would be safe and fun. A little distraction from the day to day problems of life. After a couple months of heated online conversations, phone sex, and webcam sessions she showed up in my town at a hotel waiting to see me. <br /> <br />Over the next couple of months we were able to spend three nights together. Three very intense and passion filled nights. The last time I saw her she handed me a letter as I left. She explained that it had to end for both of our well beings. <br /> <br />Well we tried that for a while but we wound up starting it back up online. It was too much for her. She started drinking and going to bars. She wound up having sex with a bouncer at one of the bars that she was frequenting. When she told me about it I was heart broken. Even though she was married, the fling with that guy broke my heart. <br /> <br />And the same night her husband caught her getting out of the car, extremely drunk and clearly having just had sex with this guy. She wound up admitting to her husband about me and that she cheated with this guy trying to mask the pain of not being with me. It became very tangled for her. They went to counseling and her counselor told her to end it with me. <br /> <br />She finally did. Didn't even say good bye. Closed all her email accounts and disconnected the phone that we would talk on. That was 6 years ago. I never have heard from her again. <br /> <br />It was very difficult for me. Obviously I couldn't talk to anyone about it. No one knew. My wife was starting to wonder, but she never found out. And none of my friends or family knew. Since she lived ten hours away I couldn't just take off to see her. <br /> <br />If felt like someone close to me died. And I didn't really get to talk to anyone about it. I still wonder how she is doing. I suppose I always will. <br /> <br />So I understand your sense of loss, even though the person you were communicating with wasn't real, I know how close and intimate you must have become with him. And for him just to disappear is crushing. The sense of loss is real. <br /> <br />Of course you now have to decide what course you and your husband will take. If at all possible try to make this a way to get closer to him. If both of you can overcome what has happened. <br /> <br />Strangely it sounds like what happened to you could have been her story after we stopped communicating. Your not her are you? lol.
Decogirl1966 replied to GuardSquealer's response:
Thank you so much for your post. Your the only person that has understood how I felt. It was like he had died and I need time to grieve. Not only for him but also for his friends and family I got to know. My brain wouldn't comprehend what had happened. I couldn't believe he was gone and that he didn't even exist! Not to mention that it was really my husband.
It's only been alittle over a week since this happened. We've talked and cried alot. I now understand why he created this person and why he couldn't stop. I don't yet understand the depth of it all. We're found a pastor for some marriage counseling. We've seen him once and will see him once a week until....
We have been together since we were 16. We have grown up with each other. We really only know each other as far as relastionships and sex go. We've talked about how that may have been big factor in why these things have happened. Not getting to experance all the things you wish you could have and wondering what it would be like to be with another person.
I do miss the daily emails,the "what if's" and the tingle I would get when I heard from him. The fact that he's not here anymore and never will be is starting to sink in now. I'm just hoping I can find what parts of my husband was really this person and what parts he made up to keep the affair going. I wish I hadn't fallen in love with "him" but I did. I know that has hurt my husband very much. But like some others have said it was my husband I fell in love with.
It is very tangled as was yours. I'm sorry you had to go through this too. I do know how you felt. Thanks again
It's only been alittle over a week since this happened. We've talked and cried alot. I now understand why he created this person and why he couldn't stop. I don't yet understand the depth of it all. We're found a pastor for some marriage counseling. We've seen him once and will see him once a week until....
We have been together since we were 16. We have grown up with each other. We really only know each other as far as relastionships and sex go. We've talked about how that may have been big factor in why these things have happened. Not getting to experance all the things you wish you could have and wondering what it would be like to be with another person.
I do miss the daily emails,the "what if's" and the tingle I would get when I heard from him. The fact that he's not here anymore and never will be is starting to sink in now. I'm just hoping I can find what parts of my husband was really this person and what parts he made up to keep the affair going. I wish I hadn't fallen in love with "him" but I did. I know that has hurt my husband very much. But like some others have said it was my husband I fell in love with.
It is very tangled as was yours. I'm sorry you had to go through this too. I do know how you felt. Thanks again
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himThank you so much for your post. Your the only person that has understood how I felt. It was like he had died and I need time to grieve. Not only for him but also for his friends and family I got to know. My brain wouldn't comprehend what had happened. I couldn't believe he was gone and that he didn't even exist! Not to mention that it was really my husband. <br /> <br />It's only been alittle over a week since this happened. We've talked and cried alot. I now understand why he created this person and why he couldn't stop. I don't yet understand the depth of it all. We're found a pastor for some marriage counseling. We've seen him once and will see him once a week until....<br /> <br />We have been together since we were 16. We have grown up with each other. We really only know each other as far as relastionships and sex go. We've talked about how that may have been big factor in why these things have happened. Not getting to experance all the things you wish you could have and wondering what it would be like to be with another person. <br /> <br />I do miss the daily emails,the "what if's" and the tingle I would get when I heard from him. The fact that he's not here anymore and never will be is starting to sink in now. I'm just hoping I can find what parts of my husband was really this person and what parts he made up to keep the affair going. I wish I hadn't fallen in love with "him" but I did. I know that has hurt my husband very much. But like some others have said it was my husband I fell in love with. <br /> <br />It is very tangled as was yours. I'm sorry you had to go through this too. I do know how you felt. Thanks again
GuardSquealer replied to Decogirl1966's response:
Basically it is the same as if someone had died. Real or not you had a connection with that person. I understand the tingle that you mention. I loved the thrill of getting a new email from her. We did a lot of Instant messaging and it would be so exciting when she would log on and we would start our conversations. She ran a small home school and I had a lot of books relating to things she was teaching and would mail her packages.
In your mind and heart he was real. You have no way of knowing the difference between falling in love with a real person or someone that only exists on-line. The heart and the mind can play cruel tricks on us. When you found out he wasn't real, that didn't suddenly make him not real in your brain.
Getting together young would make it difficult when you start to wonder "what if?". And sometimes it isn't easy to discuss these things with your spouse. Things become routine and everyone thinks everyone else is happy, and they don't want to cause any waves.
I imagine he told you things as this other man that he never was able to tell you as himself. The internet makes it easier to say things that you wouldn't normally be able to say. Especially having a different identity. It was probably liberating to him as well. I am sure he was living out certain fantasies himself.
We discussed sexual desires that were not being met with our spouses. We spent hours discussing fantasies and all the things we had just never been able to experience with our spouses. When we did finally meet in person, the first night was supposed to just be to see if we had feelings for each other in person. Well we did. It wasn't long until we were trying to satisfy each others wildest desires. And we did. I doubt if it would have been as fiery if we actually had became a couple. But the three nights we spent together will always be fondly and secretly remembered for the rest of my life.
I know I will never hear from her again, but I will always wonder where she is and how she is doing. As the years have went by the pain isn't as great, but I still miss her all these years later. I am sure you will always remember him too.
In your mind and heart he was real. You have no way of knowing the difference between falling in love with a real person or someone that only exists on-line. The heart and the mind can play cruel tricks on us. When you found out he wasn't real, that didn't suddenly make him not real in your brain.
Getting together young would make it difficult when you start to wonder "what if?". And sometimes it isn't easy to discuss these things with your spouse. Things become routine and everyone thinks everyone else is happy, and they don't want to cause any waves.
I imagine he told you things as this other man that he never was able to tell you as himself. The internet makes it easier to say things that you wouldn't normally be able to say. Especially having a different identity. It was probably liberating to him as well. I am sure he was living out certain fantasies himself.
We discussed sexual desires that were not being met with our spouses. We spent hours discussing fantasies and all the things we had just never been able to experience with our spouses. When we did finally meet in person, the first night was supposed to just be to see if we had feelings for each other in person. Well we did. It wasn't long until we were trying to satisfy each others wildest desires. And we did. I doubt if it would have been as fiery if we actually had became a couple. But the three nights we spent together will always be fondly and secretly remembered for the rest of my life.
I know I will never hear from her again, but I will always wonder where she is and how she is doing. As the years have went by the pain isn't as great, but I still miss her all these years later. I am sure you will always remember him too.
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himBasically it is the same as if someone had died. Real or not you had a connection with that person. I understand the tingle that you mention. I loved the thrill of getting a new email from her. We did a lot of Instant messaging and it would be so exciting when she would log on and we would start our conversations. She ran a small home school and I had a lot of books relating to things she was teaching and would mail her packages. <br /> <br />In your mind and heart he was real. You have no way of knowing the difference between falling in love with a real person or someone that only exists on-line. The heart and the mind can play cruel tricks on us. When you found out he wasn't real, that didn't suddenly make him not real in your brain. <br /> <br />Getting together young would make it difficult when you start to wonder "what if?". And sometimes it isn't easy to discuss these things with your spouse. Things become routine and everyone thinks everyone else is happy, and they don't want to cause any waves. <br /> <br />I imagine he told you things as this other man that he never was able to tell you as himself. The internet makes it easier to say things that you wouldn't normally be able to say. Especially having a different identity. It was probably liberating to him as well. I am sure he was living out certain fantasies himself. <br /> <br />We discussed sexual desires that were not being met with our spouses. We spent hours discussing fantasies and all the things we had just never been able to experience with our spouses. When we did finally meet in person, the first night was supposed to just be to see if we had feelings for each other in person. Well we did. It wasn't long until we were trying to satisfy each others wildest desires. And we did. I doubt if it would have been as fiery if we actually had became a couple. But the three nights we spent together will always be fondly and secretly remembered for the rest of my life. <br /> <br />I know I will never hear from her again, but I will always wonder where she is and how she is doing. As the years have went by the pain isn't as great, but I still miss her all these years later. I am sure you will always remember him too.
done4good replied to Decogirl1966's response:
If you can't open up and talk to your husband the way you talk to your imaginary "perfect guy", then it's ALL on you. You should be grateful that he didn't dump you when he found out about your REAL perfect guys and should be glad he tried to provide you with the thrill you seek by deception rather than to leave you to your own devices.
It would appear that you have saddled yourself with a guy who loves you rather than one who would walk at the first sign of waywardness by you.
It would appear that you have saddled yourself with a guy who loves you rather than one who would walk at the first sign of waywardness by you.
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himIf you can't open up and talk to your husband the way you talk to your imaginary "perfect guy", then it's ALL on you. You should be grateful that he didn't dump you when he found out about your REAL perfect guys and should be glad he tried to provide you with the thrill you seek by deception rather than to leave you to your own devices.<br />It would appear that you have saddled yourself with a guy who loves you rather than one who would walk at the first sign of waywardness by you.
Decogirl1966 replied to done4good's response:
You're right on all points!!!!
Report This| Share this:Husband set me up with another man, but it was really himYou're right on all points!!!!
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