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INCEL~~Involuntary Celibacy 61yro.
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NoBucket posted:
Not sure where this topic belongs, aside from Depression forum, but some of the most gut wrenching issues I'm having today stem from LACK OF INTIMACY in any way, incluging sex in THIRTY YEARS.

I managed to get Untangled from a very possessive sexless handicapped companion mid year 59yrs old. Wasn't sure I remembered How it goes...Yikes but I have always always been Oversexed...Love it more than anything else. Never got enough or the proper experience through my life...a few trials here or there..but nothing with in a loving committed relationship.. Then I got tangled up with this one here and it went FLAT i mean TOTALLY FLAT straight across the board. I've been in a bed alone for all but 14yrs of my nearly 62. I'm very attractive, bright, creative intelligent and loving...I picked the wrong fellows for reasons only a shrink can figure out..


But in 08 I found my courage and stood up and began the "dating' process. I has so many hang ups...but I also thru the process learned much about myself and how firey I really am. Then it became an issue of FINDING a Gent with who I could relate to and share comoon "interests. I met ZILLIONS...Had a good time learning/meeting, but mostly online. There isn't quite the same social venues in our area as one might find in a Metro area.

Twenty seven months I sat here day after day, spent money on pretties to fem up. Talke to countless Gents...BUT NO SEX HAPPENED. No emotional bound, one almost, COST ME A SMALL FORTUNE and not even a day out for coffee in the summer sun.


I am so sick to my stomach and so fatigued..I doubt I'll make it another day. I cannot stand nigjht time anymore..I can't bare to go back into my bedroom becuase of the symbolism and because of the EMPTINESS.........it represents the END. Not a fun beginning.

I had suitors but of course we don't just TAKE whomever comes along do we???????? There has to be a connection, chemistry somthing there to build on, some common interests..I couldn't find it. and Now, I'm eaten up with Rheumatoid and OA and a stenosis in my back. Kids are gone, grands are gone, family is far away..no friends and I am just at my wits end.


I'm trying to get thru the COUNTY mental health but it is like a BREAD LINE IN RUSSIA..I need help NOW. I'm trying, really I am to try to find something else to do with my empty unwanted life.

I have never once been in LOVE...well Once yes finally with a Brit in Australia online..that wasn't feasible he remained a friend but He's 80 and doing better than I am. I'm mortified. I wanted to at least once, know what it's like to be loved and to enjoy sex and kink within the confines of such an arrangement. Didn't even NEED marriage, but a Senior style dating arrangement. NOTHING......

I CANNOT stop sobing, sometimestill I vomit. I still have all these sexual feelings yet DISCONNECTED from anyone and everything. I can barely function. I have not been penetreated in30yrs. Yes. I swear it. No hugging. No kissing. No sharing a bed. No touching, No affection and NO ONE to lean on when I was scared.

I found an article and it defines me nearly to a tee, excpet for handicap and mental illness because You see this has been going on my entire life..not just the last thirty..relationship failures.
INVOLUNTARY CELIBACY. I am an INCEL. It says that men suffer this most, which I find unusual but thats the stats. Look it up in wikipedia..read. This should be known as a sexual dysfunction AND a mental/emotional health problem...

Be well, thanx NB
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Abacadabra7 responded:
Hello NB,

I read your post at the suggestion of a friend on line here.

I know your pain very, very well. I have had a similar life, missed many of the same things as you, wish for the same things and feel the same way.

I am a sinlge man, 59, hetero- now, then and forever. I am not a sociopath or a substance abuser or mentally ill, just lonely as hell. For me it has been about twenty years since I had a sexual relationship. I am 6'3", weigh about 255, work outside on a small farm which I own and do metal arts as well. So, I am fit, strong and healthy.

You posted that you thought it was unusual that men can suffer in similar ways. Believe me, we can. I have posted a link to a thread I started 7 months ago about my difficulty in connecting with a partner. If you have the time, read through it. It might sound familar to you and you will not feel like you are the only one.

I am interested in knowing more about you, You express yourself well which tells me you are intelligent. You heartfelt expressions tell me that you have the capacity to love even though it has not happened for various reasons. I will take you at your word that you are not a hunched back dwarf with webbed feet and one eye.
(that would be humor).

All the things you want are what I want in my life. What more reason is there to at least communicate some?

John

http://forums.webmd.com/3/sexual-issues-member-to-member/forum/21!page=last&user=13565216&ecd=ogm_digest_hewatchlist
 
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Essyemmm replied to Abacadabra7's response:
Abacadbra JOHN!! Wooohoooooooooooooo THIS IS NOBUCKET...I could NOT get back into WEBMD for love nor money!!!...it's been like this for sometime.. SOOOOO FRUSTRATING..Kept booting me out to an "Oops Page"..omg grrrrr I do get the "digests" watchlist sent by this site but getting back in here about drove...well anyway..here now..

I read Your reply; was eager to get in here but not much "patience" to go up the chain to "yell" at the webhost..so I just started a NEW ID..Tonight/morning...

I want to first read any other replies TO THIS "TOPIC" because I am simply BLOWN away by how many people are dealing with this situation---AND AND AND by HOW MANY PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE US OR THINK WE MUST BE DEFECTIVE or something--which only leads to MORE EMOTIONAL DISTRESS FOR WE INCEL!!!. I did join the INCEL project support group but GEEEEEEEEZ they were hostile..

I've shared this "condition" with a mental health worker, some friends, posted it in FaceBook even...and it IS opening eyes ...albeit slowly.
From what I've read, there are LOTS of different reasons why this happens to some folks and not others.



Some of the reasons are Obvious, many many are not.

Yes Sir, I would be DELIGHTED to follow Your link to an "extended"? (NO pun intended..lol) area for discussion? on this topic of INCEL....Share some info and experiences AND share the sorrow..because the MENTAL health folks need to know how UTTERLY DEVASTATING this can be. This Sooo "NO JOKE" stuff.!!! SERIOUSLY hard cores stuff this. I wept myself to sleep again last night..and I mean "just this side of" sobbing, throat closing, transcendental weirdness crying.. I HAD to find some sedatives to STOP THINKING of this loneliness and get some SLEEP. (I was FINE all that day, saw some OTHERS I know having a "good time".. so it set me off RIGHT BEFORE BED..OMG..
='o(

Additionally, the support group was "trying" (mostly for the young =o/) to share ideas on how to break this cycle..what works for one may not for the next..but then there can also be some serious underlying problems that need to be looked at. SHYNESS is one. Self esteem, sense of self, PRACTICE--the lack thereof...zillions of reasons John..Lets go talk about it.

Essyemmm aka NoBucket~~~

 
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GuardSquealer replied to Essyemmm's response:
I will email Aba and advise him to come check out your post and to get in touch with you.


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