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Very Sexually Confused
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wild_will posted:
Hello,

I'm a 35 year old male and I've always considered myself very straight. However, for the first time in my life I am now doubting my sexuality and am thinking I might be gay.

I've always dated girs/women my entire life and have always found them very attractive and have sexual fantasies about women.

However, I've always fantasized about penises but never wanted to be perceived as gay so I've kept that closed off in one portion of my mind. Then, in college, they were no longer just fantasies. I started having anonymous sexual encounters with men. I have continued to have these anonymous encounters up to now (14 yrs).

I have only had one serious relationship with a woman. We lived together for a few years and then I abruptly ended it for no real reason - I thought I wanted to be alone but then realized that I didn't really enjoy sex with her and would always fantasize about sex with men (didn't act it on it when we were together).

I haven't dated anyone since (it ended 3 years ago). Now, all my sexual fantasies are about men. I don't even bother with women anymore but I still consider myself completely straight. I tell myself that anonymous sex is easier with men (it is) so I do that to meet my needs (like they do in prison) until I meet the right woman.

Am I crazy? gay but scared to admit it? help!
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GuardSquealer responded:
Not to be mean but you are gay. Men in prison that have sex with other men are gay. If you have sex with someone of the same sex you are gay.
 
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georgiagail replied to GuardSquealer's response:
One could be bi-sexual (which appears to be fairly popular nowadays and expands the dating pool considerably) but your posting would strongly suggest you are actually gay but haven't yet come to that conclusion yourself.

I have a friend who was married for over 20 years, has three sons and finally realized recently that he is gay.

Gail
 
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jjchosenjj responded:
Your definetly gay bro......... Im surprised that its even a question for you still.
With statements like "
 
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marylandclare replied to GuardSquealer's response:
GuardSquealer -- RAPE is not sex. Rape is about power, humiliation and degradation. What happens in prison is primarily rape. It doesn't make these men gay....it gives them power. What is your point? How does this help Wild Will?
 
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marylandclare responded:
Do you have any gay friends that you can talk to about their "coming out"? Is it possible that your early dating experience with women was just because you weren't ready to accept yourself as gay? I have a friend who is gay...he was married to a woman for 14 years, three beautiful children. He loves them dearly and was confused because he equated love with sex. He asked me once, "How can I love her so much and not want to have sex with her?" I said the same reason you don't want to have sex with your mother. Sex and love can be two different things. He recently came out. He said he knew all along but was trying desperately to "be normal". It took him all that time to realize that his "normal" is gay. I'm not saying you are gay...I don't know you. But it sure sounds possible. Open your mind to the possibility. I think therapy could help you through this journey of discovering yourself. Good luck to you and God bless.
 
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wild_will replied to marylandclare's response:
Thanks, everyone, for your responses. This has been very helpful to me :)
 
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LoveMyGuy replied to jjchosenjj's response:
Is it just me, or is jjchosenjj the only one who knows more about wild_will than even HE does....well, maybe Guard Squealer, but at least even he didn't poke fun at Will's questioning of himself.

Life's just all cut and dried for you, isn't it "chosen"?

Lisa (big kiss)
 
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jjchosenjj replied to LoveMyGuy's response:
Yep, people usually complicate things as a means to have excuses to not own up to what there doing with there life. Love their sin too much, or are too lazy to do something about a situation.
 
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An_214508 replied to jjchosenjj's response:
the way i see it is who cares if your gay, bi, or straight. why put labels on it. if you want a women get one, if you want a man get one one, if you want a women with a man on the side dont let her find out cause she will kill your a**:)) either way im just kinda bored so i realy dont know what im talkin about
 
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FCL replied to An_214508's response:
I agree. What is important is who you are and what you like, not the name you call it. Having a word that defines your sexuality doesn't change it in any way, doesn't make it scarier or better than it was before. Accept who you are. Remember that sexuality isn't a black-and-white thing, it isn't limited to three possible definitions - gay, straight and bi. Sexuality is a sliding scale with gay at one end and straight at the other. The vast majority of people are somewhere in between, not focussed at the ends.

Love yourself and be you.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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Tpick420 replied to FCL's response:
yea thats what i meant:) you made it sound alot better though
 
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Mensch59 replied to GuardSquealer's response:
I agree that Will is gay, but I STRONGLY disagree with Guardsquealer's statement. Performing the physical act does not make or mean a person is gay. Sexuality is within a person's mind and heart. It is not unusual for homosexual acts to occur between men who are away from any female for extended periods of time, such as in the military or at sea. They might "get a nut off" to use a modern expression without any emotional feelings, then good old heterosexuality when in port.
I think the advise given by others would be good for you, Will. Be comfortable with who and what you are, and your life can be much more content.
 
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LoveMyGuy replied to Mensch59's response:
I couldn't agree more, Mensch. In my own personal experience, I truly enjoyed sex with another woman a few times several years ago. But I can search my soul and know that I am not gay, or even bi. I liked the act, but I simply don't fit in the gay or even bi lifestyle. The only females I have ever loved have been my mother and my daughter.

Chosen, I guess it's no secret that you and I don't see eye to eye. You have every right to your opinion and to state it here like everyone else. What gets under my skin about your posts though, is how you keep referring to people having questions about their sexuality as their "sins" and how they "have to face up to the facts" that they are somehow completely messed up or not worthy of the same respect as you are by being so strongly hetero. That just screams "homophobia" to me and has to come off to the people you're referring to as hostile. You face up to cancer or obesity or drug addiction or alcoholism, not what turns you on.

While I agree that Will is likely gay, people aren't automatically part of any group such as gay or lesbian simply by virtue of having a same sex desire. Their curiosity could very well be just that, a curiosity. It also could be just a desire to take a one-time or short side step into a different way of having sex. I know that was my story. While you very rightfully may not agree with their sexual tastes, your seeming insistence that these people have something seriously wrong with them, that they need to face up to, is like yelling "fire" in a movie theater. I'm not trying to be disrespectful to you, but in deference to these poster's questions about their own sexuality I have to ask - are you here to try to contribute something valid to these discussions, or are you just using this forum as a homophobia platform?

FCL's analogy of sexuality being a sliding scale was spot on, that's one thing I wish you could "face up to".

Lisa (I'd give you a hug but I'd be afraid of your reaction to touching me given my previous same-sex experiences)
 
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tx2010 replied to LoveMyGuy's response:
my male friend that I have been interested in made a move the other day...i was in his gameroom and he came up behind me and grabbed my dick...we were alone and i wasn't sure how to react...i think he has always wanted to make a move as have I...he blond, sculpted and i saw him at the gym shower one time, very big!! Any help?


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