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Being a couple and having different sexual partners????
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T_Autumn posted:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half, and are happily in love, living together in a great house. But the problem is sex. It's not that we never have sex, or don't enjoy having sex with one another. The problem lies with not having enough, and wanting to explore. Which leads to what I feel would be a good, no make that great, solution.

I would like for my boyfriend and I to start seeing other people sexually. In no way do I want to break up with him, but I'm young and I want us to both be sexually happy even if I'm not the one providing it (and I hope he feels the same way). Also, I would like a chance to explore sexually, not many people my age would even think about sharing their boyfriend/girlfriend with someone else, but I think this will help both of us both grow as people and as a couple.


The rules of this situation would be:

-The people we have sex with need to meet either me or him so there is no hiding lying to one another.

-There are no "booty calls" to the person you are interested having sex with.

-No having sex with the same person more than once.

-No other way of recontacting a former sex partner.

-We both need to be careful with who we choose, and be sure they don't have any type of STD.

-And lastly, no having sex with an ex girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever person that we have ever had sex with.



But with a plan like this, there are some major flaws.
For example:

-Will he find someone new, and not love me anymore?

-Will my inner jealousy come out and have this situation become a nightmare?

-How am I to be sure he won't start actually cheating on me?

-What will happen to our relationship????


To be honest, I'm unbelievably nervous to talk to him about it. This would be almost every man's dream, but there are so many things that could go wrong, that it makes me think that this could be a horrible idea also.


I'm so terrified of what could happen, but a bit excited. Though, I'm more scared than excited because I don't want this to be a negative experience.

What should I do???
Reply
 
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BalconyBelle responded:
Open relationships aren't for everyone...so be prepared if they're not what your boyfriend wants either. If that happens, you'll need to decide if your desire to experiment sexually with other people is more important than your relationship, or whether your desires will be met through more adventurous positions, toys, role-playing, ect..with your current partner.

Secondly...quite a few of these 'rules' are more than a little contradictory, and will make practicing safe sex with a partner who has a clean bill of health more challenging. Ex:

There are no "booty calls" to the person you are interested having sex with...and yet your rules are set up for a succession of one-night stands.

No having sex with the same person more than once...but they need to have a clean bill of health? If someone's not already current on their STD check-ups, I wouldn't blame them for not wanting to go through the expense of getting tested for one night.

No other way of recontacting a former sex partner...Um, what about phone numbers, email, facebook, AIM, addresses...some information will need to be exchanged in order to make sure that medical records are received/given, not to mention where to meet, and when to meet up. Even if you delete them from all social media, it doesn't mean they'll do the same for you.

We both need to be careful with who we choose, and be sure they don't have any type of STD...Again, more challenging when dealing with one night stands. Even if you bring someone home to meet the boyfriend who's current on STD testing & has the papers to prove it, they have every right to demand the same from you before hopping in the sack. It's a lot of expense to go through for routine quasi-anonymous sex.

-And lastly, no having sex with an ex girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever person that we have ever had sex with. Finding one person who meets all of your requirements & is willing to accept your terms will be rather difficult; much less a constant supply.

It might be more practical to consider attending swingers parties as an alternative. Once you're there, sex without strings, or heavy petting without strings might be easier to come by...and those in the lifestyle generally do a better job of keeping current with STD testing than the general population.

As for your questions/concerns...if you know you're the jealous/possessive type, an open relationship probably won't work long term. Once you open the relationship to other partners, there is a risk that one or both of you might find someone else. No one can tell you what will happen if you decide to experiment with it.
 
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T_Autumn replied to BalconyBelle's response:
I see what you mean. And I think this is something I will have to talk to him about soon, but now that I understand that it sounds a bit extreme and the concept contradicts itself, I doubt it would work.

Thank you for putting this into perspective for me, I appreciate your input.
 
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SunConure replied to T_Autumn's response:
Personally it sounds like your not happy in the bedroom at all, if you want to "experiment" then why not do it with each other? I don't think seeking sex outside of your relationship is going to help you, especially if you think you may become jealous! I am 25 as is my bf we have been togther almost 11 years and we were each others first and only's and when sex gets a little boring we try something new! We just recently tried anal and found it to be something we both enjoy, we have also introduced toys into the bedroom, trust me there are many many ways to experiment with each other. As for that being every man's fantasy that's were it should stay a fantasy, if my bf ever came to me and wanted to do something like this I would hurt him!! I have never met a couple were an open relationship worked in terms of sex!!!
 
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Dick912 responded:
You will or he will find a great sex partner and will want to be with that person more than once. I have talked to more women than men who found a better lover than their husbands. With this, you might want to try "soft swinging." This is usually done with two couples in the same room. The couples change partners and can do everything except intercourse. You can undress each other, fondle, kiss, lick, suck, and touch each other anyway you want to. After you get ready to orgasm or want intercourse, you go back to your husband or wife and do it right in front of the other couple. This can be very exciting for all.


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