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    Ejaculation changes after 40
    An_214946 posted:
    My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. I am more in love with him now then when we first married. In the past year when we have sex the only way he can have an orgasm is if I give him one manually. We had started this way for him to have an orgasm because I blew my knee out and his favorite position to come was not an option (from behind) Now, even that doesn't do it for him anymore and that was always his finish position. He tries to reassure me that it doesn't matter how he comes but it really bothers me and it is affecting our relationship both in and out of the bedroom. Is this something normal that happens to a man in his 40's? Am I being too insecure and oversensitive?
    blake_valentine responded:
    Hello, my wife and I are similar to you and your husband - over 40; married just over 20. He's right; you should not be overly sensitive about this; it does not reflect negatively on his feelings for you. In our case, we use alot of foreplay, so our intercourse is actually pretty short because she only lasts about 2 min before climaxing, and is so sensitive afterwards that she can't take any more friction. She tries different positions, but I know it's not enjoyable for her, so I ask her to just finish me manually, and that is sort of the rhythm we have settled into. I think it is true though that I last much longer than I used to, probably due to age, but also due to experience I think.

    It sounds like you may have settled into the same doldrums as we have sexually though, where it's pretty vanilla. If you are willing to spice things up a little by moving out of your comfort zone a little, it may perk him up abit. Good luck!
    bob249 responded:
    I'm 62 YO, with my partner five years.

    To achieve solid wood, I almost always have to take
    a blue "vitamin". Sure does cut down on spontaneity!

    Just saying it could be worse for you ...

    Put another way, better to count blessings than
    remorse over difficulties.
    Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH responded:
    More often, the ejaculatory changes that men notice in their 40s or 50s tend to have to do with lower semen volume and less "distance" with ejaculation. It's also common to notice more difficulties with erections, including feeling erect/aroused enough to experience orgasm. You might try using the "towel trick" (dabbing your/his genitals during a break from intercourse to decrease lubrication/enhance friction with can enhance sensation) - more on this in my book, Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.

    I'd also recommend that he check in with his healthcare provider as sometimes erectile issues/penis sensitivity can be an early warning sign of diabetes or other medical conditions that affect nerve sensation. Better to be safe than sorry with a health check-up! Good for you two for being aware of, and communicating about, your sexual relationship.
    jeanf14 replied to bob249's response:
    So true I agree... Experiencing the same but hey it could be worse... So no complaints.

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