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AM I CONSIDERED A WHORE?
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An_214993 posted:
Im a 21 yr old female, and Ive been with 26 guys. I didnt start having sex until I was 17. My problem is I sleep with these guys thinking that its going to be more, like a relationship. But it never ends up like that. Some of the guys I dont talk to anymore, but most of them Im still sleeping with, But lately i came to an conclusion that I want to be in a serious relationship, which Ive never been in one, im use to guys running in and out on me. Im kind of scared to be in a serious realtionship with a guy, because I dont know if I have the ability to be a great girlfriend duties, but im willing to give it a try. What should I do as far a approaching a guy, knowing that I have alot of sex partners, and I stll have feeling for some of these guys.
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BalconyBelle responded:
Assuming you haven't been charging your partners, you can't be considered a whore. A slut, possibly, but not a whore. If you want to have a serious relationship, you have to understand that you will need to say goodbye to all of your current partners. You will also need full and comprehensive testing for STD's (even if you've been having having them fairly regularly and always use condoms, no form of protection is 100%. ) Even if you were to have an 'open' relationship with a guy, you would still need to say good bye to most (if not all) of them. I knew someone who was in the lifestyle--and generally, any sexual partners would need to supply clean medical records to both you & your new boyfriend.

I really think you should examine why you allow yourself to be treated this way, and why you act the way you do. You said said you sleep with men thinking it's going to turn into a relationship....you need to make sure there IS a relationship first, before sleeping with them. Your current pattern of behavior is allowing men to treat you as a sexual convenience; a living, breathing blow-up doll who's just a booty call away. That is probably why none of your partners has ever turned into a real relationship--they don't respect or care for you as a person, they just want no strings attached sex.

Even if some of them feel some affection for you, you'll find it hard to find any human being willing to put any serious consideration into a relationship where the prospective partner has a revolving bedroom door--regardless of gender.

Take some time to decide what you really want in a relationship, what qualities you're looking for in a guy--even make a list if you want. Get tested, so that you know what you'll be dealing with when moving forward, and then take the time to get to know a guy, date, find things in common, before hitting the sack.

I'd strongly consider taking some time to yourself (no guys, no sex) just to see if you like your own company. If you're letting guys use you because you can't bear to be alone, you need to come to terms with that, and figure out how to be comfortable in your own skin, with just yourself. Relying on someone else to define who you are & give your life meaning is no way to live, and neither is using sex (or anything else) as an addictive substance or a crutch to avoid facing your life. I do wish you the best of luck in moving forward, and hope that something here helps.
 
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An_214994 replied to BalconyBelle's response:
I got so teary eyed when reading your response, because this is so true, you couldnt have said it better, thank you so much for that. And im really going to take what you said in consideration. Maybe I do need to let all the men go and stop having so much sex so that I can find myself. I got a feeling I can do it, you really lifted my spirits and gave me a boost of confidence.
Thank you.
 
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divachic1 replied to An_214994's response:
First of all you are not a whore. YES...you need to let go of the other men whom are USING you.You are better than that. you are a princess. Often times many women feel that having sex with many men valedates them. In other words makes us feel beautiful or wanted. But really it doesnt make us feel good at all. And that is usually linked to self asteem issues. Girl....you are beautiful and tell yourself that everyday.

iif you look deepdown...thoes feelings you have for that guy is really about BEING LONELY OR WANTING TO BE WANTED. Let them go and like do what ..BALCONYBELLE said....Honey let me tell you this little advice someone told me and I pass it on......FOR EVERY GUYYOU SLEEP WITH...EACH ONE TAKES A PIECE OF YOU WITH THEM..AND THATS SOMETHING YOU CANT GET BACK..

LOVE YOURSELF CUZ YOU A PRINCESS..
 
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jjchosenjj responded:
Yes
 
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bob249 responded:
Unfortunately, there IS a double standard.

While many/most would say a 21 YO guy who'd slept with 26 girls was getting too much action, guys would also be envious. Why?
Because they haven't had that much "success" - even if they'd been trying to.

Like it or not, the reality is women are the gatekeepers of chastity and moderation. (I don't usually generalize, but most guys would agree with me.)

The downside is that since you've been accommodating, sexisn't as special with you.

So, as others have said, you need to focus on having one boyfriend - after becoming comfortable with yourself. And, unfortunately, that is likely to mean you have to find a new social group where your history isn't so well known.

Good luck.
 
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An_214995 responded:
The Answer to your question is very simple: If you need to ask that question then there is your answer. I think that you need to think about the time in which you became active, to the amount of partners you have had in such a short time. I think that you should take time to get to know the guy before you consider the intimate part of the situation. You should never be "used" so someone walking out on you. If someone does that they are not worthy of you, and you are worth more than that. Take some time to yourself and get to know what it is you want and what you can give.
 
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An_214996 replied to divachic1's response:
Thank you so much for that advice.....I really appreciate that alot, and at this point I really dont care what other ppl have to say as far as it being negative, because cant nobody change me but me. But I am going to take what you said in consideration. And once again, thanks :-)
 
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An_214997 replied to jjchosenjj's response:
ok thanks for your honesty..
 
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An_214998 replied to An_214995's response:
omg your so true, becuase they tend to leave if they feel like im not doing what they want, or they just leave because they want to leave, and im so tired of being left alone, its not that I cant find a good guy, because Ive came across plenty of them ,its just that I have to have a numerous of guys to deal with....I reallydnt know why, its just always been like that. But I really want to thank you for your great advice and fb.
 
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scared_of_lonley replied to An_214998's response:
no one can judge you but yourself. you know what you have and have not done. passing judgements on anyone is wrong , you never know what people have gone through or been through! but i will suggest some helpful tips. If i were in your situation i would definatly take a step back. I think you should inform all of your male friends that you are worth much more than sex, no matter how many partners you may have had. Guys will only do what you allow them to do to you. Find out how these men feel about you ...if none of them are relationship worthy then let that be that and start over. Have some confidence in yourself and dont allow anyone to run over you sweetie ! be assertive and let the next man know what it your looking for in a guy and if doesnt fit you , on to the next one. there is soo much more to a relationship than sex, try leaving sex out of the relationship for at least three months. if a guy is willing to wait for you he is a keeper! also get to know him, if he speaks tooo much about sex and not enough about a relationship, let him go. you have a lot to learn but you also know a lot about yourself and what you want. let that be the stepping stone for your new start. As long as you want something to work, it will!
 
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An_214999 replied to scared_of_lonley's response:
you have yet givin me the greatest advice ever...thank you so much....I cant wait to start testing these guys, and dont worry, im going to keep up updated, on how everything is going.....
thanks again.
 
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AlexKatehakis responded:
I am in full support of the other responses, as well as your mission to get to know yourself better instead of finding temporary satifsaction through other people. We teach people how to treat us, and as you separate yourself from the men who are only interested in sex, and surround yourself with people who value you for who you truly are, you will find that your level of joy and satisfaction in all of your relationships will increase.
 
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An_215000 replied to AlexKatehakis's response:
aaawwww thank you, you guys are so nice, I honestly feel like you guys really care, and that is a great feeling. I honestly appreciate all of your advice and concerns. I wish I could hug you all.... Thank you so much, and just to update you guys, I talked to my friend on my lunch break, and told him what was going on with me, and what I was trying to do to better myslef, he wasnt having that, and so I told him I didnt need to talk to him anymore, and he was perfectly fine with it, so that just goes to show me that he really didnt care about me.....well one down lots more to go....
 
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Dick912 replied to An_215000's response:
As it has been said several times, you are not a whore. Having a lot of partners is OK. You are trying to find yourrself as a woman sexually. The physical side of sex can be great as well as the emotional side of it. Enjoy your time with men but be safe.


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