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    jps89 posted:
    Hello, I'm a young male virgin going to get married in December hopefully. I have been trying to become a bit more educated about sexual topics since that's something I should be involved with soon (and I can't wait to be with my fiance obviously-- we are waiting until marriage) and I've been reading a bit on this message board, etc. I've got a question. It seems that when it comes to women, everyone talks about how it's normal if a woman can't orgasm with vaginal sex. I don't know how it will be with my fiance, but now I'm wondering, does it ever happen? Is it possible? Are women simply not stimulated by vaginal sex at all, or does it happen sometimes? Can some women orgasm through vaginal sex? If not, how can I feel like I am making her happy if I can't make her climax at the same time I do?

    Thanks for the advice!
    BalconyBelle responded:
    1st up--there is no hard and fast rule when it comes to whether or not women can climax through vaginal stimulation alone; every woman is unique. Some can, some can't, and some simply need a combination of stimulation to get there. I for one can, and love it. Don't worry if your wife doesn't climax at the same time you do--make sure she climaxes first.

    Foreplay is EXTREMELY important for most women to enjoy sex--I really can't emphasize this enough. Vaginal penetration (of any kind) without enough foreplay will be uncomfortable and perhaps painful to women if they're not already turned on--and since your wife will not be used to it all all, it's even more important that you take things slow. Ideally, you should always try to make sure she climaxes first--then it's your turn. It will make the experience better for both of you. Don't stress about simultaneous climax, it's a rare occurance. It's better for both of you to be satisfied rather than worry about timing.

    Read up on erogenous zones and foreplay, and I'd recommend both of you take some time to just explore each other's bodies and the ways you like to be touched before springing to consumate your vows on your honeymoon. Also--oral sex for both of you before trying for vaginal intercourse will most likely help you last longer, and help her be more turned on. When you do decide you're ready to go all the way--try for manual stimulation, and clitoral stimulation first. Some female virgins experience discomfort and pain the first couple of times they have sex--if your wife is one of them, just double up on foreplay, oral sex, and perhaps move things into a nice warm tub/jazcuzzi if available when going for vaginal penetration. The warm water will help her to feel more sensations along her erogenous zones, as well as provide additional lubrication to help things go smoothly. Clitoral stimulation while having vaginal sex is also a great combination.

    Don't worry if it takes both of you a little while to get into the swing of things--just enjoy exploring each other, learning how you like to be touched, savoring the moment, and seducing and being seduced by the one you love. Making love only gets better as time goes on, and best wishes to both of you on your upcoming marriage!

    PS: If you masturbate and use a dry grip--stop immeadiately. Use lotion, or some other lubricant for your solo endeavors. The reason being some men can become accustomed to a dry hand--and therefore unable to climax when inside a woman's wet body.
    Rhondamay responded:
    First off, Balcony Belle is on the mark as usual. I just want to throw in my two cents. As a young woman I climaxed with vaginal penetration about 90% of the time. I was fortunate to be one of the minority who could. So I know for a fact that some women can.

    However, now in my 50s it has dropped to maybe 30%? of the time.

    Oral is always dependable and still near 100%.

    My theory is that any orgasm with a partner must have total trust and relaxation where you sort of "give yourself up."

    I hope this helps and at least makes sense.
    jps89 replied to Rhondamay's response:
    Alright, that helps. Thanks very much for the replies!! Lots to learn and look forward to! It's good to hear that it just gets better, not worse! I think that we will have no problem communicating with each other about what we like. I'll just have to explore what she likes!

    Thanks again so much!
    Blake_Valentine replied to jps89's response:
    A guy's perspective: I've been with women who climaxed with intercourse and others that would never without extraordinary measures. If you make your partner come thru penetration, don't get a big head thinking your Valentino. If you can't, don't feel like you're a loser. Truth is, we're pretty much all in the middle as lovers, and what will set you apart is caring enough to tune into the sexual vibe you have as a couple, and nurturing that like you would nurture a spark you hope will become a roaring campfire. A man who cares about his partner's pleasure is a very sexy guy. The fact that you are asking this question here makes me think you are well on your way to becoming a good lover. There are no wrong answers. Enjoy!
    jps89 replied to Blake_Valentine's response:
    Thanks Blake. I think one of my concerns was making sure I would be able to satisfy her and she wouldn't have to do anything herself. So do you agree with Balcony that I should make sure I finish first? And then make she she climaxes afterwards?

    Thanks for the compliment. To me it would seem extremely selfish to not worry about her-- it makes it a lot nicer IMO if you're doing it for each other, because you love each other.
    BalconyBelle replied to jps89's response:
    jps89...I said to make sure SHE climaxes first. If you want, you can both start off with oral, but always try to take care of her before yourself ;)
    jps89 replied to BalconyBelle's response:
    Ooops!! My bad! So why do you think it works best that way? I'm not disagreeing.
    GuardSquealer replied to jps89's response:
    I always make sure my wife climaxes first. It works out better that way.
    alaska_mommy replied to jps89's response:
    It works best that way because usually, men have a refractory period after ejaculation where continued stimulation can be uncomfortable. Women don't have a refractory period, and some can be multi-orgasmic, having multiple orgasms in the same session. So it would be better for her to finish first, than for you, because chances are if you finish first you're not going to feel like continuing and she might be left "high and dry" so to speak ;)
    bob249 replied to jps89's response:

    It's generally better to have your woman climax first because the sense of serenity and calm after you climax may make you sleepy. Then, you may not be inclined to complete her pleasure.
    Should that happen, she could be resentful.

    Also, some women can climax more than once. It would be quite unusual for your woman to have multiples until you are more comfortable with each other sexually. However, ensuring her orgasm first is a way to lay the groundwork.

    As BalconeyBelle so eloquently said, exploring each others bodies without immediate pressure to perform is a great way to start. Encourage her to advise. "That feels good." "Nice, but a bit gentler, please." "Don't really liked to be touched there ... or like that." And you advise her the same way.

    ( Gee, wonder if Belle has a single sister or single friend who has the same sensual insight ... JK )

    If you have a mindset similar to going on a vacation to a place you've never been before, you'll be fine!

    An_215265 replied to bob249's response:
    Also because women typically take longer to climax than men.
    jps89 replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    Alright, that makes sense. Again, thanks so much for all the good advice! I'm obviously looking forward to it!
    alaska_mommy replied to jps89's response:
    I'm sure you won't be disappointed! :)
    Good luck!
    An_215266 replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    The main thing is for both of you to go into this with an open mind and communicate. The first time for both of you is bound to be awkward. It took me and my wife a while to get good at it.

    Helpful Tips

    Difficulty having an orgasm?Expert
    Try reading Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman , Joseph Ph.D. LoPiccolo and David ... More
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