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    Getting over vaginismus
    MissChooChoo posted:
    About 5 weeks ago, I discovered I had Vaginismus (spasms of the vagina), where no penetration or penetration with pain is involved. I discovered this after doing Kegel exercises to prevent leakage of urine when I laughed or coughed. The exercises turned me on so much and caused such an aching in my vagina, that I tried to use my finger to relieve it. I found then that I couldn't even insert my finger without pain. After doing some research on vaginismus, and talking with a nurse friend, I decided to try the dilator approach, but wanted to do it by myself (I couldn't afford the expensive treatments at that time), so I started off with the smallest carrot I could find, wrapped in a condom.

    By the way, It's been 30 years since I'd had sex with my ex, and I was raped the last time I was with him, so the vaginismus was probably due to that trauma, since I was torn in my vagina. I was really set on getting over this because I haven't had a pelvic exam for years since I'd had a total hysterectomy and had pain with the pelvic exam itself.
    With the increasing diameter and length of the dildos I made and then bought, I'm up to a 2 and 1/2 inch diameter by 7 inch long dildo. I'm so proud of myself, and feel like a woman again. Of course, all I need now is a real man, but I'm working on that.
    My question is: now that I've been able to bring myself to orgasm both clitorally and from my g-spot, I'm wondering why I'm pushing out the dildo when I'm coming to orgasm? Is this normal? I could hardly keep it in -- it seemed that my vagina just opened up and started involuntarily pushing. Then I "squirted" (ejaculated) all over. Is this pushing out something that is normal when squirting? I've looked all over the web and can't seem to find real answers to it. Thanks for any info.
    alaska_mommy responded:
    I can't say I experience that myself, but from what I've read from other posters, I think it must be directly related to the squirting. I've seen someone mention that sometimes they squirt so forcefully that they push their partner out.
    For me, I don't squirt, and usually during orgasm my vagina just clamps down securely on whatever is in there---finger, dildo, penis---LOL. But maybe someone else can shed more light on this for you.
    BalconyBelle replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    To my knowledge I've never squirted, but I have gotten exceedingly wet. I also had vaginismus (it took 3 months to work up to full penetration with my fiance), and I will allso 'push' my partner out when I've had an extremely strong orgasm. When it comes right down to it--climax, especially climaxes where the vaginal walls get in on the action, are all about muscle spasms and contractions. Once they start, the process is largely involuntary and out of your control.

    I think that the 'push' for me is a remnant of the lock vaginismus put on my vaginal walls--it crops up precisely because I can no longer consciously control my muscles, and I can't focus. I still have to consciously relax my muscles when beginning intercourse, but during climax, I lose that concentration. It doesn't hurt me or my partner when the 'push' happens--I'll just suddenly, inexplicably get too tight for him to be inside me anymore...then when I'm done riding the aftershocks of the big O, we can go again.
    MissChooChoo replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    Yes, I forgot to mention that after the vaginal muscles pushing out (in this case, the dildo) when coming to orgasm and "squirting", then my vaginal muscles just lock on to the dildo, and I can hardly pull it out. I have to really concentrate on relaxing to pull it out, but there's still a lot of muscle contraction holding it in. And, when the muscles are pushing out the dildo, I can still thrust the dildo in and out many times. I think that has something to do with the vagina tenting when you're really turned on, making room for the penis. I really wish we knew exactly what happens physically, and why, during orgasm. Seems like we're all just guessing, but maybe not all orgasms are the same. I do think it's really amazing how we're made -- that with stimulation of the clitoris, the pc muscles relax and let penetration happen -- that's the first step I experienced in curing the vaginismus. And with visualization of a male best friend entering me (someone I could really trust and respect), it let me finally relax and enjoy the act. I think that the trust aspect has been the biggest obstacle for me to overcome, since I've had the perception that a penis was a weapon since childhood. When I read of other women's experiences with vaginismus, I just cry -- so many people, including men, have never heard of it and label their female partners as "frigid". Getting over vaginismus has been the most liberating thing I've ever done -- I feel like I could sky dive, or do anything challenging now (maybe not really skydive -- that's still pretty scarey). Thanks for the helpful comment about clamping down -- that helped.
    MissChooChoo replied to BalconyBelle's response:
    I have to consciously relax in order for penetration to happen too, and then when I'm climaxing my muscles push out (in this case the muscles push out a dildo, but I suppose it would happen with a penis also). When pushing out, it feels that my vagina is still relaxed, permitting the dildo to keep thrusting. Then the vaginal muscles really clamp down after this. I guess this is what you mean when you say that you suddenly get too tight for him to be inside you. Maybe I'm normal! Anyway, I have an appointment with a doctor in less than a month, and I'm hopeful that the pap smear isn't painful like it used to be -- now that I can relax my muscles.

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