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Sudden and severe increase in libido
Anon_220422 posted:
I am in my early 40s and have an overnight increase in my sex drive. This past week I haven't been able to think of anything else. As I write this and read the words I am getting turned on. If you knew me, you would know this is completely out of character. I am married with 2 young children. I am a stay at home mom, currently. My husband thinks it's great - to a point. I am concerned there might be something wrong, medically, that is causing this new feeling/obsession. Can something like this just happen overnight without something being wrong?
elle0317 responded:
Most women are in their sexual prime in their 40's, maybe you're in it?
Anon_220422 replied to elle0317's response:
Yes, I am aware of that, but this is SO much more. I cannot stop thinking about it or wanting it! It's all the time. No matter what I am doing or who I am with, I think about it. I usually have sex with my husband once a week to once every 2 weeks. This week we have done it 4 times. Last night we did it twice and in between with a dildo and I STILL wanted more (it lasted for over 3 hours!). I went online last night after our hours of sex and watched online porn videos for another 2 hours and masturbated along with them the whole time. This morning I have already masturbated in the shower and I am putting the kids down for a nap as we speak to go into my room and masturbate again. As I write this I am EXTREMELY turned on! I can't focus on anything else. And when I orgasm it's like NONE I've ever had in the past! I LOVE this feeling, don't get me wrong, but all the time? And no matter what I'm doing? It's actually quite embarrassing and those who know me would be SHOCKED to know this is happening and would also know there must be something wrong. I'm wondering if it could be something medical and if I should see someone. I'm getting nervous because when my husband isn't around my mind wanders to thinking about which of those people we know I could get to have sex with me. I feel like I'd drop everything right now and go with a guy if he said "I'm ready to do it if you are!" I think this all goes WAY beyond normal. Any medical experts care to chime in?
Kylesww replied to Anon_220422's response:
im as horny as u
increasing replied to Kylesww's response:
Not helping, Kyle, thanks. I thought there were medical experts on this site, but I guess not. Looks like I'll be making an appt with my MD on Monday. If you were here right now, Kyle, I'd do you all night long!
alaska_mommy replied to increasing's response:
Give it can be a day or so before one of the MD's will respond.
That's all I'm going to say, because I don't have any helpful advice to offer (unlike Kyle there, LOL)!
I think an MD appointment would be a good place to start, though.
Good luck
fcl responded:
How about posting this ver on the gyn board? It has an RN who answers quite a lot of questions. Put her name in the heading - she's called Jane - and that should increase the liklihood of her reading and responding. You'll find her here:
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
An_228457 responded:
I am in my early 40's as well and I just started to have that urge to climax while laying next to my husband. He is dead asleep and I want to be with him, but he has to work and I have to respect that so I prayed and yes I am a christian so I prayed God would help me thew the night and then this morning I waited on him to make themove cuz we were snuggling and hugging and naked but he didn't make a move and its sexually frustrating and when I tell him that Bam then he tries to make love to me. I had lost interest for 10 mins but the urge was still there and told him what I wanted him to do and he said I gotta go to work so I am left feeling unattractive and am committed to my spouse. I don't masturbate cuz that opens doors like for porn and wanting more. Women are in there sexual prime in their 40's men aren't. I am wantingto be a counselor. I don't watch porn or masturbate but I do have urges and I want my spouse to take care of it right then and there but that's where self control comes in and yes it sucks cuz I wanted him to come home and tear my clothes off and do me but he didn't and at lunch time he wondered why I was in a mood. Well duh hello husband. I would never even remotely even think to ever cheat on my spouse. Porn masturbation leads to different stuff. For you not a doctor maybe a counselor would work. I am in the process of finding a counselor myself. Its hard cuz I have multiple orgasms an.d if you knew me this is not my character. Its embarassing for me as well. Married with 4 kids and I am a sexually frustrated women myself. When I want it I want it period and hubby has to to wk. I love god more than my husband. I prayed last nighti wanted him so freakin bad and that urge while he was asleep I wanted it taken care of.. my spouse tells me we have to wait 2 to 3 days befor he can do it again so here we go I have to freakin wait again for him and its not fair to me at all but I suck it up and accept it. He doesn't get it. I can't control him. We have been married going on 2 and a half years and the romance has been taken off the menu. We love one another. And we r in love with each other unconditional love but this area he is trying to snuggle and hug me more but like I had my pajama top off in bed one night were laying there kissing and he is not turned on or aroused by that. Not even this morning cuz he was concerned on the snuggling which I thanked him for that but my urge was not met and he was told that. We r both trying but a lot of stuff hasn't been fair to me. This sucks buttermilk and all he can say he is sorry and that's all I get all the time. And now sorry isn't good enough at times. Whydoesnt he do what I like? Why can't he be more aggressive? Don't know. I think I have been pretty lienent with him and now it makes me sexually frustrated. He asked me what was wrong cuz for an hr he finally noticed I was carressing him but ddnt grab him like I normaly do. He played up top a little and I thought now we r oing get busy but nope then he said what's wrong r u sexually frustrated and I said yes then he preceeds to try then by that time my interest was gone. Is there something wrong with me? Cuz dangit were there laying there for an hr an nothing. I wanted him to make the first move. We are attracted to one another but hello. One time I was naked and he was in the kitchen at the table. I am in the door way and mind you waited in the bedroom for him for 30 mins. So I am standing there ugh hello. I want you now and he didn't get. He told me he doesn't think about sex while he is at work or about me like that while he is at work cuz he seperates his job from his personal life I understand that. Hbe thinks of me sexually only when the kids aren't here or we r in the bed room. Ugh hello duh iwas butt naked this morning and nothin happened. I am so frustrated and me having that urge without intimacy and laying by him has never happened before.
Kylesww replied to increasing's response:
lets get it on then.
Kylesww replied to An_228457's response:
have u tried playing with his privates?
squirrel16 responded:
I am feeling for you right now; but for a completely different reason - my hubby and I have been together for 15 years, and we are very close and talk about everything; we are essentially soul mates...never had sexual issues, although for a good few years my sex drive was higher than his; but we made love about twice a week....all of a sudden around 8 months ago his libido went sky high, to the point that I sooo need a rest....he hs never messed around and says he doesn't care for anyone else but me but finds me now extremely attractive to the point of annoyance for me now....I am trying to understand and cater for his urges but I am now feeling very tired and worn out and without wanting to hurt his feelings am finding it very frustrating, cos I really don't want sex twice a day anymore!!! I am wondering whether there is some medical change and should he go for a blood test perhaps? HELP!!! I love my man with all my heart but this is getting very testing for us both now
nohard replied to squirrel16's response:
Hi I think its you, you need a build up of your libido, remember its a kick you need now perhaps in a few years time when it goes out of the window you will look back and O I should have had it then.

Have a read up about DHEA for women, and then Tribulus for women, just google them, your find over about 8 weeks these should boost your testosterone, lift up your libido and kick up your energy levels

Have a read on post to Dr Betty Dodson, I'm sure she will also find some help for you, as a way of lifting your libido so you can keep up with your husbands libido.

Just remember sex is so good for you, dose some really good things for our body's being either man or women.

Good Luck
rohvannyn replied to An_228457's response:
An_228457, you say you don't masturbate because that opens the door to porn and porn masturbation and that goes against your beliefs. Yet, because you don't do it, you let yourself become sexually frustrated and grumpy with your husband because he won't have sex with you? Thereby causing him to want you less? Thereby causing more frustration for you?

How is that sane, right or loving?

Masturbation isn't wrong. You could do it whild thinking of how much you love your husband, in fact. It's normal. All mammals do it if they are healthy. And it might help you take the edge off so you can be a better wife and a more understanding, loving mate.

To the original poster though, it really sounds like an upsurge in your testosterone. That can happen for a number of reasons including menopause. Have a chat with your gynecologist, she or he ought to be be able to help. Good luck!
rwolf replied to Anon_220422's response:
BULLETIN: Warning- Sighting of Cougar in heat on the prowl after local neighborhood poolboy.

@Anon_220422 in all seriousness though, your husband services you for 3 hours and your still not satisfied?? Wow, whats a poor guy to do these days?. And you'd just cheat on him, if a guy you know is down for sex on the spot. If I w'ere your husband and caught wind of your possible intentions, I would say later and start looking around elsewhere myself.

Urges pass & everyone knows this. Seems like you got too much time on your hands. I would think that two young kids would keep you busy enough. Try to channel your sexual energy into something creative & constructive.

What a joke it is to recommend seeing a RN or medical specialist for something like this. Try a Therapist maybe or a friend that wants to hear all the juicy details.

Sexual peak, sexual shmeak what an old adage. That a womans sexual peak is in their 40's. It's just an excuse for cougers to go out on the prowl, have sex and masturbate more. Plenty of women in their 30's have sex and Orgasm just as much as a women in their 40's.

It is however true about what they say for Men having a sexual peak when their 20. They can ejaculate more and recovery time is less, than it is in your 30's and even more pronounced in 40's and 50's

@An_228457 I am assuming your husband is the same age or older than you. Having sex 2 or 3 times a week is probably more than average for couples your age. What do you expect? sounds like the guy works hard. I don't get it, you think he should somehow be obsessing on you sexually while he's busy at work trying to bring home a paycheck? wow.

Many women are sexually selfish & just don't understand or care about the physical toll ejaculating eventually takes on a man. If you want to have sex everyday the male partner has to practice not ejaculating during copulation .Not always an easy task for the man I know. Look up Taoist thrusting techniques. Foreplay first and then the male counts deep and shallow thrusts during intercourse.
mrsmid30s replied to rwolf's response:
I created an account to this sight just to say to you, @rwolf you are a DICK!!

To the original poster, how have things turned-out for you? I suddenly have a heightened sex drive and my hubby will agree it's out-of-character but neither of us wants it to stop!! He's 43 and practically the sex drive of a teenage boy--but he has a very labor-intensive job so he can only handle sex a few nights a week, now LOL

On a serious note, I read a reply that it could be an increase in testosterone, possibly a sign of premenopause and that worries me. My Mom hit menopause at age 32 and I am 34 with two last period was 11 days late, miscarriage last year (very early on, I'm very ok with it) and of course, my manic sexuality lately!! Just the passed few days/nights and it seemed like a switch turned-on! I thought perhaps the Wellbutrin I JUST added to my Prozac was kicking-in and making me feel good (which I DO feel much better, not just sexually). I do fear menopause could be lurking...and while I don't mind a few gray hairs and wrinkles...I am NOT ready to go through the CHANGE! I still want to feel some youth and not scare my hubby away (not literally, but he might start to desire young 20 something's...just an insecurity of mine).

Anyway--my desire isn't quite as up there as yours sounds...but pretty damned close. I'm looking at porn PICS online but not actually watching porn. Huge difference, right? -83D-E09 But I've never in my life felt so sexually HEALTHY--I don't want it to stop unless it becomes a problem.

So, hopefully everything is well with you and you have some answers and at the very least, satisfaction!

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