Anon_230230 posted:
This is really hard and I don't know where else to go. My partner doesn't want to talk and I want to understand. I am in my 40's and have had very little experience with sexual partners. I've been married 4 1/2 yrs and sex has been an issue for a long time. Basically I don't understand my partner's advances. It seems that the only time we touch is for sex and he goes straight for the action. Like this morning he started came close while I was sleeping and started banging on my back side and pulling my pants down. That isn't a turn on for me and I try to get more touchy feely stuff going, but then he pulls away. I try to talk to him and he says he's tired of this conversation. I don't know what to do. I know I'm inexperienced and feel stupid for that, but I don't know what is normal and what isn't. I'll take any advice offered.
Rhondamay responded:
You are normal. I don't think any woman would respond positively to those kind of advances. Most women need the touchy feely romance stuff. Foreplay and caresses are a must to warm up the girl parts. I certainly don't respond to clumsy surprise attacks. His resistence to communication is also very troublesome. I would demand discussion and if he continues to resist let him know that seeing a counselor is the only other alternative. You shouldn't have to live like that!

Good luck,

alaska_mommy responded:
I agree--what you want/need is normal...and expected. Also it is not normal for him not to want to talk about this. In a healthy relationship, there is communication going on all the time about what each partner wants or likes.
You deserve to have a say in takes two to is not just a one-way-street...not "my way or the highway". It's a blending of two individuals, with mutual respect and love.
cam1000 replied to alaska_mommy's response:
Thanks for your support. It's nice to know I'm not crazy. We are seeing a counselor for other issues and I may bring this up at our next meeting. It's so hard to talk about to anyone. I feel ashamed though I know, logically, that there's no reason, but I do.
dfgbull; replied to cam1000's response:
Definately do bring it up!!!! He is way off base and needs to be told BUT, he probably will not hear it from you.