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    Advice?
    avatar
    Anon_230230 posted:
    This is really hard and I don't know where else to go. My partner doesn't want to talk and I want to understand. I am in my 40's and have had very little experience with sexual partners. I've been married 4 1/2 yrs and sex has been an issue for a long time. Basically I don't understand my partner's advances. It seems that the only time we touch is for sex and he goes straight for the action. Like this morning he started came close while I was sleeping and started banging on my back side and pulling my pants down. That isn't a turn on for me and I try to get more touchy feely stuff going, but then he pulls away. I try to talk to him and he says he's tired of this conversation. I don't know what to do. I know I'm inexperienced and feel stupid for that, but I don't know what is normal and what isn't. I'll take any advice offered.
    Reply
     
    avatar
    rhondamay responded:
    You are normal. I don't think any woman would respond positively to those kind of advances. Most women need the touchy feely romance stuff. Foreplay and caresses are a must to warm up the girl parts. I certainly don't respond to clumsy surprise attacks. His resistence to communication is also very troublesome. I would demand discussion and if he continues to resist let him know that seeing a counselor is the only other alternative. You shouldn't have to live like that!

    Good luck,

    Rhonda
     
    avatar
    alaska_mommy responded:
    I agree--what you want/need is normal...and expected. Also it is not normal for him not to want to talk about this. In a healthy relationship, there is communication going on all the time about what each partner wants or likes.
    You deserve to have a say in this...it takes two to tango....sex is not just a one-way-street...not "my way or the highway". It's a blending of two individuals, with mutual respect and love.
     
    avatar
    cam1000 replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    Thanks for your support. It's nice to know I'm not crazy. We are seeing a counselor for other issues and I may bring this up at our next meeting. It's so hard to talk about to anyone. I feel ashamed though I know, logically, that there's no reason, but I do.
     
    avatar
    dfgbull replied to cam1000's response:
    Definately do bring it up!!!! He is way off base and needs to be told BUT, he probably will not hear it from you.


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