Sex after being sex. abused younger
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Anon_230340 posted:
I want to know if it is just me or what..anyone else have problems w/ NOT liking sex after being raped/molested when they were 10 for me. I have two wonderful boys(most times) but because of my own identity and I feel dirty. My husband knows I was molested but he isn't in my body to understand. HELP!!
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BalconyBelle responded:
My deepest sympathies for what you've gone through. I've also endured being molested both as a child and a young adult...and I can tell you that not liking to be touched, and/or not liking physical intimacy is a very common side effect for those who've been abused.

I can also tell you that there are ways to help overcome that. Counseling comes immeaditately to mind. Try the crisis assistance links on the left side of the page if you'd like to talk to someone immeadiately, and for more long-term benefits, you could look into counseling in your area, and/or also try your church if you attend. In my case, I used counseling, talking with frineds and family, and talking with my fiance. It took a while (and lots of cuddling) to get me over my hang ups, but I can now proudly say I adore my guy's touch, and we rock each other's world when we're together.

One of the best things you can do for yourself though, is realize that what has happened to you is NOT who you are. It is NOT your identity. The sheer fact that you survived is proof that you are stronger than your past, that there's more to you than being a victim. Your are a survivor. You are a wife. You are a mother. You are yourself. You are NOT what some scumbag(s) did to you---you are so much more.

You triumphed over something that would have broken many other women, and you did it even though these horrors began when you were a child. You are anything but dirty. You are a iracle. Everytime you look in the mirror, I want you to see what you truly are: Amazing, courageous, strong, unique, with the type of character that survived the worst that life could offer and still went on to truly live. You are WONDERFUL.

I really do believe counseling can help you to overcome the last hurdle, and if you're open to it, including your husband in some of the sessions can help him to better understand where you're coming from, and also enable him to help you more as you begin to open up into the person that you truly are.

The past can hurt us, test us, and shape us, but it does NOT define us. Only we have the power to do that. You are strong enough to be whoever and whatever you want to be--and that person is not dirty. You're amazing.

PS: Whenever you feel the desire to get clean, you could try dragging your husband into the shower or bath with you for a little wet and wild time. My fiance & I have decided it's our favorite room in the house ;)