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A perfect match except in sex-preferences
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Itabella posted:
I am in my late 20s, and after a decade of relationships and sex - I believe as though I have found "the one" - as scary as that is. Everything appears to be all that we want in a partner ...except our sex. He claims he can only orgasm doggy style. I was shocked. But to make this worse, this position has always hurt me with every partner I've ever been with - so much so, that I always need to stop. I never understood why, but now this is a problem. How can he learn to orgasm in other positions, and what can I do about the discomfort/pain I feel in the positions he wants?

We are both so attracted to one another and want to make this work. He handled the situation so well and never turned cold or frustrated. I on the other hand realized how much I like him and found myself really sad by this miss-match in our perfect match.

I really believe that a sex life is so important and I want a healthy and active sex life with this new man in my life and potential husband - but what do we do?
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Caveat_Emptor responded:
Practice makes perfect.
 
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georgiagail responded:
Why is this the only position where he can reach an orgasm?

Is it the "view" (for lack of a better word) or the fact that this position tends to provide more friction (because your legs tend to be closer together) than, say, the traditional missionary position. In addition, this position allows him to thrust more deeply into you.

These are the very things that make this position painful for you.

You can consider lubrication; however, they may negate his ability to reach an orgasm, even in the "doggy style" position if the issue is the friction he needs to achieve this.

Gail
 
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Itabella replied to georgiagail's response:
I'm thinking its him hitting my cervix in the doggy style position. No amount of practice is going to make that less uncomfortable or painful. I don't know why this is the only way he can orgasm, but yes - the "view" (haha) has something to do with it. He says he is most relaxed this way.

(sigh) - I'm so upset!
 
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georgiagail replied to Itabella's response:
Perhaps he can enjoy the "view" but not thrust so deeply?

Hitting a cervix can certainly be quite painful and leave it bruised, and, in some cases, bleeding.

Gail
 
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Elle0317 replied to Itabella's response:
There are contraptions called a 'donut' that he can wear to prevent him from thrusting too far in and hitting your cervix. If he is not willing or can't stop short on his own, this can help.
 
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Yellowbelly40 responded:
Working on the assumption that he likes it because he can thurst deeply, is there another position you could try that offers the same degree of penetration but offers you more control? I have the same problem, doggy doesn't suit me because you have no control over his actions and if I don't directly say that I'm uncomfortable there's no way for him to know, whereas in other positions I can subtly shift and be fine.

Maybe a solution is for you to be on top? I prefer to be on top, because i find that we can still go rather deeply but I'm the one in control.
 
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Yellowbelly40 responded:
Also - if it is indeed an appreciation of the view, you could try reverse cowgirl. (Woman on top missionary, but instead of you facing him, your rear end and back would be).
 
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Musician123 responded:
Just let him do his thing. Sacrifice
 
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Elle0317 replied to Musician123's response:
That's a bit insensitive and selfish. Getting your cervix rammed by a penis is about as enjoyable as getting kicked in the nuts. If your woman could only get off by kicking you in the nuts would you sacrifice too??
 
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Yellowbelly40 replied to Elle0317's response:
It does literally feel like getting punched in the stomach, if you can't control how deep he goes. I wouldn't just 'let him do his thing' because while this may be fine for a couple weeks, it will inevitably lead to resentment and your avoidance of sex.

And yes, I do think it's rather selfish of him. But it's probable he doesn't understand the discomfort/pain it causes you. He might be surprised to learn that it causes you pain.
 
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Itabella replied to Yellowbelly40's response:
Thanks everyone. I look forward to hearing even more replies.

We are still very much a new couple so he is certainly not trying to be selfish. He understands it hurts and we're trying to find compromises because of course he doesn't want to hurt me. In fact, since he does understand how I feel, we have yet to ever finish having sex. This is what I'm worried about. This has always been an uncomfortable position for me but it never mattered because my past partners were happy in other positions as well. I've never heard of a man only being able to orgasm in 1 position - but that is what my new man says. (Its not even a matter of him saying he enjoys it most - but that he literally doesn't orgasm.) We are both wanting to compromise. I know what you mean by just "sacrifice" but it is true - the discomfort is too much that I will resent the whole thing.

How can he become more sensitive in the other positions? Someone mentioned a donut thing? Or maybe a cock ring would help him? But damn - this seems like so much extra bs - I know nothing in a relationship is easy, but are sex-lives really this complicated when everything else feels so right?
 
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Yellowbelly40 replied to Itabella's response:
It's easy for us to say he's being selfish because we dont know him or the situation, or the conversations you've had. So you guys do seem to be on the right track.

I havent heard of it either. Have you asked him exactly why he can only orgasm in this position? It's possible he doesn't know, but if you can maybe understand why he needs it (the degree of penetration, the view, the freedom of movement) you can maybe more easily find positions you both like.

Is it possible to start in some other positions, and then warm your way up to it? I know I can't handle doggy if we dive into it right away. It just feels awful. But when it's towards the end, and I'm more warmed up I'm always up for it.

I find that doggy bothers me more when I'm bloated/gassy. So, usually if I'm on my period, or had greasy food or beer for dinner. I don't know if thats TMI. But I hope it helps.
 
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Elle0317 replied to Yellowbelly40's response:
Just to be clear I wasn't calling the OP's boyfriend selfish, I was referring to the response by Musician123 as being insensitive and selfish.
 
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GuardSquealer replied to Itabella's response:
Seems there might be more here than just that he can only orgasm doing it doggy style. Does he masturbate? Can he orgasm then? Have you masturbated him?


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