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Women, help me understand...
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queston posted:
...a strange behavior from my wife.

Wednesday night, we had sex. (Our sex life has been blah and infrequent the last few years). At first penetration, she was kindof on my lap, legs around me. I think she was getting extra clitoral stimulation and was becoming very aroused right away. She said "you're gonna make me..." (I'm pretty sure "come" was the unspoken next word.) Then, she abruptly got off me and onto her back for a position change.

WTF? Why would she get off me quickly when she's apparently right on the brink like that? She seems to be avoiding orgasm, generally, during our lovemaking, but this was the most obvious and puzzling instance.

Is there any reason you can think of why a woman would want to abort when near orgasm, or avoid orgasm generally?

I didn't a chance to ask her about it yesterday because she came home sick (which she never does) and slept most of the day and was very cranky, so I knew it was not a good idea to bring this up.
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BalconyBelle responded:
She might not have been ready for it to end. Sometimes, women can experience refactory periods after climax just like men---where continuing on can be painful or uncomfortable after orgasm. If you weren't ready to climax as well, switching her position may have been the female equilvalent of reciting baseball stats to prevent coming too soon, that way she could last long enough for you.

On the other hand, she may not like the loss of control. Climax (when you're experiencing it) is a force of nature, but to have one, you have to let go. So, if your wife is very concerned with control over her emotions and body, she may be preventing climax because she doesn't want to lose it (which is what a good orgasm tends to do).

Another possiblilty is that at some point in your past sexual history, she DID lose control...of everything. Not just muscle spasms, but her bladder as well. At risk of TMI, that happened once with me. My fiance literally rocked my world, and I was having multiples like crazy...and then I went one orgasm too far and lost it completely. I was nearly ready to die from emabarrassment. It took a while before I was comfortable enough to orgasm again---I was terrifed I'd wet myself. Now, if I think I'm getting close, I'll tap out...but immeadiately after it happened, experiencing climax was something I wanted to avoid at all costs because I didn't want to risk another accident.

The last idea I have is that it might be a trust/self image issue. You really have to be comfortable and trust a person to let go and let them see you at your most vulenerable. If your wife isn't comfortable with her looks, or isn't comfortable with your relationship, it might be another reason for her behavior.
 
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queston replied to BalconyBelle's response:
Thanks so much.

Your second and fourth paragraphs seem the most applicable to my situation.
 
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queston replied to queston's response:
I meant to add, I don;t think she was delaying for me. "Refractory period" never seems to have been an issue for her, and I am not a marathon man--I don't think *her* coming too fast has ever been an issue.
 
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summer_is_here responded:
You are going to make me pee.
 
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alaska_mommy responded:
That is so strange. She is missing out on the best part of sex.
 
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tmlmtlrl replied to BalconyBelle's response:
That is a perfect answer!!

I was thinking about how I've read on here about women who have experienced severe pain for hours after sex and/or orgasm.

Seems like it's time to at least ask your wife about this and see what she tells you. Maybe when you lay down for bed and your both relaxed and the lights are off you could ask her. I say that because I think maybe she would feel safe or more comfortable to express herself then. Just a thought.
 
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queston replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
I just asked her about this...she very matter-of-factly said that it was hard for her to hold herself in that position and she had to move. I don't really believe her.


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pain having sex
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