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24 year old boyfriend..NO sex drive! please help!
Motterstatter posted:
Hello! I hope you can help! My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and we are both 24. We have always had a pretty heathy sexual relationship except for the last 6 months or maybe a little longer, starting with his sex drive slowly diminished to now...completely diminished! We have maybe had sexual relations twice in 6 months. Before I turned 23, this wouldn't have bothered me because my libido was very low; however, after I turned 23, for some reason, my libido became very normal/high. Within these past 6 months or so, I have made every single attempt for sex and/or oral and he constantly says I'm sorry then turns me down. I cannot even recall the last time he made a move on me. This has made me feel unattractive to him, my self-esteem has been severely lowered, and now have depression. I have recently seen a psychiatrist for depression medicine because this has really put a tole on me from taking it to heart and taking it offensive every time he turns me down. We are 24!!!! This should be the prime of his sex life. We talked about it and he said he doesn't know what is wrong with him but he just doesn't want to have sex or oral sex. We don't even kiss except for pecking. He tells me he is too tired and so exhausted that sex is the last thing on his mind. He also says it's not me and he loves me. He is just not in the mood. He works a hard job for 10 hours a day that leaves him physically drained after work. He does have a lot riding on his shoulders lately with me losing my job recently and the constant struggle to pay our high bills and the cost of living. I just want some advice! I do want to know if you can help maybe explain what is going on with him? or does he need to see a doctor? I am really concerned for him having no libido at 24, when he should be in his prime! Sex is an important part of a successful relationship, please help us!!! :( THANKS!!!!
FCL responded:
Listen to him, he's telling you the truth. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him (so stop getting offended when he turns you down). He doesn't need a doctor. He is tired and under a lot of stress. When you're exhausted your body puts all of its efforts into getting the rest it needs - depending on the level of fatigue, there isn't anything left for sex ... You say he comes home physically drained after work - no wonder sex isn't the first thing on his mind.

Yes, it should be the prime of his sex life ... if he's living in a perfect world :) Unfortunately, life isn't like that.

What to do? Look for ways to reduce the tiredness and stress. Can he work fewer hours per day? Could he change his job? Can you reduce your bills? Do you live in an expensive area? Would moving help pay less for bills? How fast can you find a new job? Would you accept a temporary job until you find the right job for you so that you're at least bringing something home to contribute? That's the kind of ideas you should be exploring rather than heading for the doctor's office.

Once you manage to reduce the stress he has and once he is less tired you should find that the difference should be virtually immediate :)

Good luck!
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
jss123 replied to FCL's response:
Speaking as a man If if was under that much stress and pressure there is no way I would have the energy or be in the mood for sex when I got home.
I doubt if I'd have the energy to even masturbate.

Be as supportive of him as much as you can. Try to do everything you can to lessen his stress when he is at home.
Sometimes a simple hug or just cuddling works wonders for stress.

Don't try to initiate sex. It will only make him feel worse.

As soon as the reasons for the stress subsides his sex drive will come back very quickly.

FCL is right on what to do to relieve the stress.
I couldn't have put it better :-)
georgiagail replied to jss123's response:
How about getting another job or seeing if expenses can be lessened to take some of the burden off his shoulders.

Perhaps if you were working, you'd find your libido lessens also and, as his increases, you'd both be back in the same status you had before you became unemployed.


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