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My husband doesn't want sex............
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Anon_161860 posted:
I am so tired of "pleasuring" of myself. My husband hardly ever wants to have sex with me anymore. I have tried to talk to him about our problem. But, he just gets mad says "sex" is all I talk about. I mean what "married" man wouldn't KILL to have his wife want to f&%k everyday?
I don't feel sexy and think the passion is gone. He NEVER kisses me, unless I initiate it. When "HE" decides "HE'S" ready to have sex he flicks my nipple and has his way with me. I know I should turn him down sometimes, but it's so hard. I go so long without it I don't want to turn him down. I am in the prime of my life so sex is at the top of my list. I know there is more to a relationship, but sex is very important. My husband thinks if we just have sex every now and then it's all good. He's cheated before so it scares me to think he's doing it again. Granted our relationship has been in a rocky state before, and he claims that's why he turned to another woman? it sure as hell isn't because I don't give it up in the bedroom. I am very sexual and love to have sex with my husband. In my opinion men cheat because they are bored with what they have? woman cheat because they can't get what they need from their bored husbands. I haven't cheated and probably never would, but it has crossed my mind. We have other married friends who are in the same boat as we are except the opposite.... The husbands are begging for sex and the wives are saying NO............ Can some of you men out there help me to understand my husband because I am having trouble.
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BalconyBelle responded:
From what you've written, it sounds like he's distanced himself from the slightest bit of concern or care for your needs in this area.

When you want sex, he turns it into an arguement and blames you; when he wants sex, he give you the same amount of foreplay as a blow-up doll & expects that to be enough. He's cheated before, and you're worried he'll do it again....

Is there something good about your marriage?

Are things working out for you outside of the bedroom?

Sex aside, are you happy with your relationship?

It's actually fairly common for partners to have mismatched libidios, and it can be a difficult challenge to overcome....it's nearly impossible if the relationship isn't on firm ground.

BOTH partners need to be interested in meeting their loved one halfway, BOTH partners need to communicate effectively, and BOTH partners have to put their best efforts into helping the relationship succeed, in and out of the bedroom. You can't fix this issue on your own, he has to be willing to contribute as well.

If he isn't willing to hold up his end, counseling might help...and if that doesn't work, are there enough things going right in your marriage that you'll stay with him, for the prime of your life & beyond, even if your needs are not satisfied?
 
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Anon_161860 replied to BalconyBelle's response:
Yes, we have a good relationship outside of the bedroom. He told me today that he loves me and wants to have sex, but I turn him off by always talking about. He says he wants to have sex when he wants too, not because he feels pressured. He says he feels that sex is all I want from him. It is all that ever comes out of my mouth. He says I am everything a man could ever want in the bedroom. I thought men liked it when their wife or SO wanted sex on a regular basis. I don't know... I am going to try my best to not talk about sex all the time and see what happens.
 
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dfgbull responded:
As a man, it sounds to me like he has control issues. The initial difference could have been a normal difference in need (yes most men want sex more but about 20% of relationships are reversed), but maybe the conflict has left him feeling out of control (his problem not yours) and he reacts by withdrawing. I know this doesn't help you figure out what to do, but it may help you find out a cause. See a good counselor by yourself and maybe with him if the counselor thinks it will help.
 
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job1961 responded:
If there are no problems in your relationship outside of the bedroom that could be causing this you may need to look at other factors such as, stress maybe at work, lack of rest, medications, or low testosterone levels all of which can lower his desire. I know how you feel and I sympathize with you . I was in the same situation with my ex wife and that eventually was the downfall of our marriage of 25 years. She never wanted sex. The last 5 years we mostly never had sex and that is terrible for the one that longs for it. I really hope you figure it out.
 
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tuck178 replied to job1961's response:
Thanks for all the comments. Hopefully we can get on the same page.


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