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Did I over-react?
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Anon_169321 posted:
So I've been dating this guy I met online for a few months. Recently, he started telling me how much he likes me and how he feels like he is falling in love with me. The feeling is mutual for me. About a week ago he said he wanted us to be "exclusive" and I agreed, BUT I did tell him that if he wants to be "exclusive, he will need to close his online dating account. Mine was closing a few weeks after I met him and I never bothered to reopen it. He said his account was due to close in the next few months so he was just going to leave it open. I was not comfortable with this response, but I didn't push the issue at the moment b/c we were out having a good time. A few days later I brought it up again and he said he would close it. I told him that I wanted him to close it because HE felt it was the right thing to do, just because I wanted him to do it. He agreed and said he should want to close it himself and that he feels we may have "rushed" into being exclusive. he said he would still very much like to date mea nd eventually become exclusive, but for now, he wants to slow things down and get to know each other more so we can both be sure this is the real thing for both of us. I was in shock. A week ago he was telling me how he can see me being his wife and how he can't wait to introduce me to his friends/family, etc. He was the one that initially brought up the subject of being exclusive. I feel totally confused. Am I putting too much thought into this and over-analyzing?
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longduckdong46 responded:
No, you have every right to be in a cautious state. There is no doubt that he is having second thoughts about your relationship together.
The first clue was when he decided to not remove himself from the dating site. All it takes is a few keystrokes on the computer.
I suggest that you back off from any committment with him.
In time you will see what his intentions are if he has any to begin with ?
 
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fcl responded:
I don't think you're over-analyzing. His behaviour is over the top. First he says he wants to be exclusive. Then, he makes it clear that he wants to keep his options open. And to top it all off, he starts talking about marriage! No wonder you're confused.

How much do you like him? Enough to take a few steps back and be non-exclusive (both of you) for a month or two to see what happens? If not, I think I'd be backing off at high speed.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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Jeremy3456 responded:
You're not over-analyzing; you're not analyzing accurately enough!
"I told him that I wanted him to close it because HE felt it was the right thing to do, just because I wanted him to do it." Whew! Can you say "mind control" ? Don't "tell" him what he wants and feels! If he wants to close it, he'll close it.

Yes, he "should" want to close it himself and he probably will if he feels you and him should be exclusive. I don't think he feels that way yet (I suspect you told him to feel that way, too). He doesn't want to rush into things, which makes sense. So relax. If it's right, it will happen!

I met my fiance through a dating website. After our second date I went home and closed my account. She saw on the website that I had been on my account (it didn't deactivate right away) and assumed from that that I was still looking, which upset her and she confronted me about it---we almost broke up because she thought I was still searching for someone else with the account! So don't force a break up! Analyze your insecurities and just give it time.


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