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Did I over-react?
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Anon_169321 posted:
So I have been dating this guy that I met online for a few months. Recently he started telling me how much he likes me and how he loves hanging out with me and how he feels like he is falling in love with me. I have strong feeilng for him as well. About a week ago he said he wanted us to be "exclusive". I agreed, BUT told him that in order for us to be "exclusive", he would need to close his online dating account. He said his membership was going to expire in a few months and it would close on it's own. I wasn't very happy w/his response, but I let it go at that moment b/c we were out and about to see a show and I didn't want to ruin the night or get into it at that moment. A few days later I brought the issue up again. He agreed to close the account, but I told him I wanted him to close it b/c HE wanted/feels like he should close it, not just b/c I want him to close it. He said I was absolutely right and that he should close it when HE wants to close it. He then said he feels we might have "rushed" into become "exclusive" and that he stil wants to date me and see where things go b/c he has a very strong bond/connection with me and he wants us to get to know each other better to be sure this is the "real" thing for both of us. I was totally shocked! He is the one that brought up the topic of us being exclusive first. He even said he could see himself marrying me?! WTH? I feel hurt and lied to in a way. If he feels so stongly about me, why wouldn't he want to close his account? Am I making too much of this and over-analyzing?
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Anon_169321 responded:
Sorry, I posted this twice on accident. I didn't see my first post for over 20 min. so I thought it didn't go through. :/
 
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BalconyBelle replied to Anon_169321's response:
No, you didn't over react.

There are 3 possible explanations for his behavior that I can think of:

  1. He likes the idea of being exclusive, but when he had to actually think about giving up playing the field, he's decided he wants more time to play around. Aka: fear of commitment.
  2. He has no clue what he wants.
  3. He likes the idea of you being exclusive, while he gets to play the field. When you called him on it, he backtracked.
So, there are a couple of things that need to be addressed:
  1. Are you monogamous? Don't simply assume you are, particularly after his reaction. Always use protection.
  2. Do you want to hang around, waiting until he's really, truly sure he wants to go exclusive---knowing that he's going to actively be keeping his options open during that timeframe?
Whichever way you decide, there is no wrong answer. Only you know what's right for you, and as long as you proceed with your eyes wide open, there's no reason you couldn't be happy with him or without him. I can understand why this threw you for a loop; I'd be feeling the same way in your shoes...and I wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide.


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