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I'm Anxious/Nervous about Giving Oral Sex
An_239927 posted:
Hi everyone!

I've been dealing with this oral sex issue for a while and haven't really found a way around it. Every time I want to give a guy oral sex, I feel very nervous and can't perform as well as I'd like to. (I'm monogamous, but this has been happening for years.) I think it might go back to one negative experience I had some years ago with an ex, but I'm not sure. I also have that gag reflex to deal with, which makes me feel even more nervous.

Regardless, I just can't enjoy it! It makes me nervous and makes me feel like I can't fully pleasure any guy. No one has ever complained, but I can just *feel* it. Any suggestions? Any tips? Any way to learn?

Thank you!
FCL responded:
First off, as far as most men are concerned any oral is better than no oral at all ... so you start off with an advantage If nobody has ever complained then why convince yourself that you're no good? Stop that right now

Secondly, forget about forcing yourself - a gag reflex is normal. You can work on that in the future but you sure don't need to deep throat to make a man happy. Use your hands on his shaft and concentrate on the head.

Here's a link to the basics. Don't attempt the advanced stuff until you've mastered and are comfortable with the basics:

Good luck!
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Blake_Valentine responded:
Completely 2nd what FCL said, and encourage you to check out the link she provided -- in full agreement with it. As a guy, I can tell you that you needn't stress over whether you are "good" at it. It's sort of like painting a wall with a roller - you might think you're not very good at it while you're painting, but once it's done and you step back from it you'll think, "hey, that looks pretty good!"

The best BJs have alot of variety. Use your tongue to tease, mix in liberal use of your hand to slide over the whole length of his dick. This gives you a break too. The actual head-giving part might only constitute 1/2 of the BJ. Good luck!
An_239927 responded:
Wow- you guys are awesome! Your posts really made me feel better. I've been looking over some articles/tips and bookmarked the link FCL provided. Thank you so much! I'm going to keep practicing and hope for the best.

Helpful Tips

Difficulty having an orgasm?Expert
Try reading Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman , Joseph Ph.D. LoPiccolo and David ... More
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