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Can't Decide on Labia Surgery
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LikeAButterfly posted:
Hello,

I'm a female in college. I have an embarrassing problem that I'm not sure is a problem. My labia are huge and very long and thick ever since I can remember. I'm stressing trying to decide whether to have surgery to make my lips smaller. It's very complicated. Theres bad things about it but also good things. .

My lips are so long and thick that they fold over themselves and sort of get in this big bunch in my underwear. Sometimes they pinch and get tangled and caught when I'm wearing tight jeans. I'm thin just 105 pounds and my thighs don't touch on the inside. I love sex and like to keep myself shaved except a tiny stripe. But when I'm naked all you can see is this huge wad sticking out in front and hanging down between my legs.

I love things but can't wear them because my lips stick out on both sides. I have a very sexual mind and when I get thinking about sex in class or just eating lunch I really get soaked so easy and with all this extra labia I just make a mess of my underwear soaking through and all over my inner thighs. It's so bad I have to carry an extra pair in my purse. Masturbating I have a hard time getting to my clit with either my fingers or a vibe and it makes it hard to climax. My hood is huge and thick too.

Last year I got a chance to try out as a model for a swimsuit company. But when I came out in a thin white stretchy bottom the photographer told me to come back when I wasn't wearing a pad! I told him I wasn't that it was just me then he said they couldn't use me because my anatomy messes up the look on the bottom. I admit it looks like I have something stuck down in my crotch when I wear a suit. It's embarrassing and I catch guys staring all the time at the beach. The worst ever was I'm on the college swim team and twice now I've got out of the pool with a lip sticking out the side of my swim skin! I also get stares in the shower from other girls which is uncomfortable.

My mom and I can talk about anything and I know where I got the big labia. She's just like me! We sometimes get dressed together when we're going out and even though she doesn't shave at all hers stick way out past her hair. But she has always said she loves hers because my dad loves them. I went to my gynecologist a month ago and was complaining about my huge lips. She told me about surgery called labia plasty and referred me to a plastic surgeon who does this. I thought the decision was made for me when he said because I don't have a history of infections or trouble urinating mom's insurance won't pay for the surgery because it's an elective cosmetic procedure. But mom is so supportive and said she would pay for the surgery if I wanted it. But I just can't decide!

Some of the good things and why I'm having such a hard time. I'm a true bisexual I love sex with either girls or guys. I've had sex with 2 different girls and 2 different guys. The first girl when I asked her to be honest said that it wasn't a big deal but when she went down on me it was sort of a pain to keep track of my clit. My current dorm roommate says she adores my big lips though. Same with the two guys. The first guy sort of just stared at me for a good minute before he started eating me and we only had sex once more after that before he broke it off. My roomate and I have a male FWB and when we're all 3 together he spends all his time giving me oral instead of her. He says he loves my huge lips and can't get enough. My girlfirend has tiny inner lips so pretty and symmetrical and they dont even stick out past her outer lips. I often wish I looked like her. Our guy friend is really big and when he's inside me sometimes his penis drags my lips inside and that can hurt.

I don't know what to do! The surgery is so permanent! And would I be giving up something that guys love? Please tell me. I want to hear from other girls with big lips if I'd be making a mistake. And also from guys. Do you guys really like such big long labia?
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LikeAButterfly responded:
I made a mistake on the 3rd paragraph. It should read I love thongs not I love things. It didn't make sense with the mistake and I couldn't see any way to edit it out. Sorry.

If there are other women with such large labia reading this, do you have the kind of problems I do? Would you have the surgery if you could? The surgeon said he could shape them with a laser and make them both smaller and more even and prettier in his words. He also said it wouldn't be painful or cause any loss of feeling. And that I'd be alot cleaner with the amount I lubricate all the time. I'm really nervous having him work around my clit because my hood is so big it needs work too. Should I trust him? Is there anyone out there I can talk to who has had this surgery?

I've seen the before and after pictures on a couple of labia plasty websites and they look pretty nice. But I won't even get a tattoo even though I want one because they're just so permanent. I'm just afraid I'd have the surgery done and then start wishing I had my old self back. Plus I want to catch a sexy hunk of a guy to marry some day and if guys really think girls with big lips are sexier, I might be really making a big mistake by taking away an advantage I might have.

I sort of feel special with my anatomy like this and I'm not so sure I want to be "average" even though it can be a real pain sometimes like with the modeling and swimming. My mom says she won't try to influence my decision either way and will support me whichever I choose. But that doesn't help me decide! Even the lovers I've had are split on what they like: half the girls and half the guys say they like my labia the way they are and half don't!
 
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EliseJ_02 replied to LikeAButterfly's response:
I actually have the same problem but because someone bit me. I have thought about the surgery because my labia are un even in length, however, my s.o. loves it and says he doesnt mind the difference. He spends forever down there just playing with my lips and it is so pleasureable. The professional i visited said I would most likely lose some but not all sensitivity, thats why I decided not too. Although it does stick out firther than my outer lips, I dont have the same swimsuit problem you do. I prefer to where trunks instead and nothing is visible and my s.o. loves undoing the tie with his teeth.

For the longest time I was afraid to let my s.o. venture down there for this reason but he loves it. I understand it hurts when the lips get dragged inside but its not a problem unless he is to impatient or inconsiderte to stop a second. It has happend numerous times and my s.o. just stops kisses my lips then continues no big deal.

It is great that you have people at home to support you in addition to the community.
 
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wonderingaboutthis responded:
Dear Butterfly,

You're very smart to really consider all of the factors before just jumping into surgery like this. I'm a guy and my wife also has very large fleshy inner lips and in answer to one of your questions, yes, I just love hers. They are very erotic looking to me, and while they sometimes get in the way of me finding her clit, the looking is just as much fun as finding it. We have developed several ways of doing sexual things that take her large labia into account, and you can too.

You listed several reasons to be considering the surgery, but did you really think them through? Your anatomy cost you a modeling opportunity. That would have been fun I am sure and could have made you some money. But there are also many other women who aren't suited for modeling due to their anatomy, be it their figure or weight or height or any of probably 100 other reasons. Just try to remember more women get "left out of" modeling than get in, so you're not alone at all.

The swim team issue I'm sure was embarrassing. Are you sure your skin fits you properly? Maybe if you had one that was a little wider across the crotch area, you might not accidentally expose your labia so often, it might be just that simple.

Guys stare at you at the beach, but guys are guys and if they're not staring at you between your legs, they're staring at your breasts or tush or legs or other places. Maybe buy a suit that is a little thicker materal in the bottoms or cut a little differently. Some of the thin stretchy suits I see at the beach are almost like she's wearing nothing at all, you can even see pubic hair through them. Maybe just a little more modest bottom would work better.

As far as you getting "messy" underwear, I can't see how having your labia smaller would help that. You get extra wet when you're aroused, that's really a good thing as far as most guys are concerned, and that's not going to change any. In fact, with shorter labia I would think more of your fluids would reach your panties. Sounds funny coming from a guy, but have you tried the thin panty liners? Anyway, I doubt surgery is going to change this for you at all.

And as far as your lovers , something is quite obvious to me. Half your female lovers love your large lips, and half your male lovers do also. That also means half would love your smaller labia. That's an even situation! From a guys point of view, I have never looked at a woman's genitals that I didn't like, especially if I was having sex with her. All women are unique, all their genitals have different appearances. They are all beautiful to me in their own way.

I really don't think any doctor has a right to tell you what is "pretty" or which is "better" from an aesthetic point of view. To me, that is a dangerous thing to be doing, telling women what they "are supposed to" look like! Your doctor should be advising you only on what is best for you medically, and leave the "perfect image" stuff out! If you do decide to get the surgery, I would recommend you finding a different doctor, one who isn't so judgmental about what the "perfect vulva" is supposed to look like. I had to wonder about him when he said you'd be "alot cleaner" due to your vaginal secretions, like I said above.

If your guy friend is hurting you by pulling your lips inside, he needs to change his approach, position, or something to accomodate your large labia. That one is on him, not you.

Butterfly, I am sure you are a beauitful young woman just the way you are. I think you need to make the surgery decision based only on issues that cause you pain or functional troubles such as infections, troubles urinating, things that really do make a difference in the quality of your life.

Try not to confuse yourself by guessing whether a new guy or girl is going to wish you had smaller or larger labia. My goodness, you'll land that "sexy hunk" based on alot more important factors than the size of your inner labia.

Keep us posted as you decide.
 
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FCL replied to wonderingaboutthis's response:
Excellent post, wonderingaboutthis!
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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LikeAButterfly replied to EliseJ_02's response:
Wow, thank you for all the time you took to answer me. I didn't know coming here would be so helpful.

EliseJ_02 that's scary you getting bitten like that. I'm so sorry that happened to you! But I'm really glad your husband pays so much attention to your large labia and likes them so much. My room mate and our guy friend is the same way and I like it alot. Same with you wonderingabouthttis that really helps to know you love your wife's large labia too. I'm starting to feel alot more normal all the time. And thank you so much for pointing out which problems are really important and which aren't. I guess I was worrying too much about some things like the swim suits and so forth. Those are easy to fix. And I don't really have the time for the modeling anyway because of school. I think now that was more just a general rejection thing that bothered me.

Elise I am grateful that you told me what the doctor said about possible loss of feeling. That worries me alot. Especially with my large hood and it being so close to my clit. All I keep thinking about is that one little slip and losing sensations. The doctor I went to told me there was almost no chance of anything going wrong and that I didn't need to worry at all. If I decide to go ahead with the surgery I'm going to find another doctor for sure.

The wetness problem is probably the biggest pain. I get very very wet really easily with just a little sexual thought. My lips always get sort of stuck together just from my normal moisture in like a big wad, and sort of block anything from getting out. Especially when I'm sitting for a long time like in class. When I get wet like this the thicker juices can't slowly come out into my underwear they just collect inside. Then when I open my legs or stand up and walk I suddenly pull open and it all comes running out and just makes a mess of a panty liner or my undies. I hate walking around all gooey half the time like this. I've tried everything I can think of. I go in the bathroom before class and try opening myself up in my underwear but just walking back everything gets all knotted up again. I've even worn tampons because of this and that sucks because I have to wear them enough on my period. I've even thought of growing my hair back to help catch my juices but I love being shaved and I just don't want to. Plus there's the odor. It's not a bad odor more like the sexy smell I actually like with my girlfriends but I worry that other people will smell it. If I do get the surgery this will probably be one of the biggest reasons.

I sure appreciate all the advice both of you gave me. I still can't decide and I want to make this decision soon so I can move on with my life. It will be alot easier to decide now though since you both got me thinking clearly about what's important. I can say I like myself better already after reading your comments.

I hope to get more answers here especially from any women who have checked into this surgery or who have actually had it done. Also if any women with large labia like mine are dealing with this wetness issue and what you do for it.

Also, is there something else I need to do here to get comments or information from the doctors or experts?
 
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wonderingaboutthis replied to FCL's response:
Thank you FCL. I can't take all the credit for my reply though, I asked my wife to read Butterfly's post through and alot of what you read there is her input from one woman to another. We both think Butterfly is a smart young lady, and just needs to have or not have the surgery for the right reasons. She's obviously got great support at home, and I understand her mother's reluctance to make the decision for her or sway it in any way. We were both pretty appalled at the plastic surgeon's "sales job" on her though. Glad she's decided to get a second opinion.

Butterfly, I may have been wrong about your doctor's comment about the wetness issue though. After reading your latest post, I can see how possibly shortening your inner labia could help your fluids escape to your underwear more easily and gradually. Niether of us think growing your pubic hair back will solve anything though, that would probably just trap more of the odor you're concerned about. If you prefer shaving, stick with what you like best.

Just make your decision based on issues like this and not some intangible idea about what size labia are "prettiest" or "correct" and you'll do just fine. Some day your future husband will be thrilled with you whatever route you choose, you can be sure of that. And I think you have plenty of time to decide what is best, just make very sure you're ready to have the surgery first, even if you have to put up with the inconveniences while you decide what's best for you.

FCL, how do you draw the attention of the experts here to a partcular post, or is it just by chance that they read it?
 
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GuardSquealer replied to LikeAButterfly's response:
Personally I would not have the surgery. As a man I can tell you I have been with one woman that had labia like you describe and I loved it. I still fantasize about her on a regular basis and that has been a long time ago.

Sounds like it creates some embrassing issues, but I think it would be worth dealing with and remaining intact. Just letting you know my preference.
 
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LikeAButterfly replied to GuardSquealer's response:
Thank you. I'm beginning to think I've got something that is pretty special. All of you guys are telling me you actually love large labia. My room mate loves them. My guy friend loves them. I talked with my mom last night about the surgery again and she finally told me she was worried sick about me having surgery because of the chance of something going wrong and leaving me with scarring and a loss of feeling. Plus she reminded me again that even my dad says he loves hers and that makes her feel special too.

I spent a good hour looking at all the before and after pictures on two different labia plasty web sites. Alot of the women getting the surgery have really uneven lengths and strange shapes. I'm not like that, mine are the same both sides and shaped nice but just look really big.

I was feeling like some kind of freak before but after reading what everybody has said I feel actually more special. I kept comparing myself to my room mate, hers are so tiny and neat, I guess hers make her look smaller or tighter or something like that so I was wishing to look like her because guys say they want small tight girls. I guess I was being pretty silly about this.

Last night I had sex with our friend (just him and me) and he just kept saying over and over please don't get the surgery. He spent a long time going down on me and I loved every second of it. Then I remembered he only does that for a few seconds with my room mate.

So, after all of this I have decided against having it done. I wouldn't want breast implants (I don't need them but if I did) because they're not me. I can't even let myself get a tattoo because it's too permanent. And thinking about having pieces of my body cut away just seems way too intense. I guess I should just consider myself lucky to have what I have especially hearing everyone saying how special it makes me.

Thanks everybody, this was a hard decision but I think I made the right one. After thinking this through and with all the comments from everybody or the first time I feel like my genitals are actually attractive and not freakish and that makes all the difference. I can deal with the small things like changing my underwear or getting a different suit or swim skin alot easier than getting part of my body cut away.


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