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Older Women Say They Want More Sex, Not Less
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Byroney_WebMD_Staff posted:
This recent study shattered that old wives' (or was it husbands'?) tale that older women (age 50-72 in the study) want less sex. In fact, among those dissatisfied with their sex lives, "57% said they wanted to have more sex, while only 8% said they would have preferred to have less."

Dr Gisele Wolf-Klein (who did not participate in this study) goes on to say, "We know sexual activity decreases with age, and we do attribute that to lack of a partner, but we thought that women were kind of happy with this. That it didn't represent a major problem. Well, that does not seem to be the case..." Learn more by Following This Link .

Do you think that older women are more interested in sex than previously thought? Does that account for the discussions about "Cougars" (older women who seek out younger male partners)? Were you surprised?

Byroney
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Jeremy3456 responded:
I think that younger women are more nervous and self-conscious about their sexuality than older women. And younger women must be choosy about picking the right partner or they could have a lifetime of misery from bad mating.

Older women are more experienced. If they're at menopause, pregnancy is not a concern anymore either. So there's less need to be nervous or picky. And quality starts to matter more than quantity.


I also wonder if a woman feels less inhibited if her male partner is younger than she is.

Like many other things, knowledge accumulates with age. I'm astonished at how ignorant many young women are about sex. I think women gradually learn more about sex over their lives, not just from first-hand experience but from friends, forums like this, reading, and nowadays, thank goodness, internet porn. It's good to know what's out there and what men like.

I think there is still a widespread belief in our culture that an active sex life only belongs to the brash, young, loud, party-type of people. Older people (of both sexes), shy people and the less good-looking are sometimes regarded as not only not having a sex life, but not wanting one either, and certainly not entitled to one.

I work in medical research. I think I'm not bad looking and I'm physically fit, but it's surprising that some people automatically assume, and truly believe, that I am some kind of sexless nerd. The saying goes "Nice guys finish last" and I can tell you that's true; but it is astonishing (and insulting) that many people have believed I am sexless because I'm "nice" and work in a lab. No masturbation, no fantasies, no sex partners. That's what they think. Their stupidity is incredible. What's equally astonishing is the widespread cultural belief that "older" people---starting in their 50s --- are also sexless.

Indeed, in my experience I've found a fair number of young people are sexless and sexually dysfunctional.

I also believe that an older woman who has a lively, active family life might not miss sex quite as much because she has other satisfactions and love in her life. But the current generation of 30- and 40-something, unmarried women are going to find themselves very lonely when they get into their 60s and beyond. Sex will be the only strong enjoyment they can have in life. They may be quite distressed when others categorize them as not needing, wanting or deserving it.
 
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wonderingaboutthis responded:
Having been married for the last 30 years I can only draw on my wife's and my sex life, but I can tell you that in our late 50's, we have had a strong resurgence of particularly good sex.

We sort of went through a gradual decline in frequency and quality of our sexual encounters, what with the pressures of making a living and the "sameness" that comes with being monogamous for three decades. It's interesting though, that the very decline and the reasons for it sort of became a rallying point for both of us in just the last 2-3 years. We clearly remembered how insanely good our sex was when we were younger, and several years of sex just to reach orgasms and then get to sleep spurred both of us to find ways to make it great again.

I can say that my wife has most definitely gotten back to wanting good sex much more often, and her orgasms have become stronger and more intense than they ever were even in our 30's. And with our goal to "get back to good sex" becoming paramount, she (and I) have become far more open to experimentation than ever before. Four or five years ago, it was her sudden interest in learning all she could about the G-spot and female ejaculation that opened her eyes to a whole new sexual menu item.

I was more of just the observer in that one, but the benefits to me of her discoveries proved to be just fantastic and delicious. Once she learned the different types of orgasms she's capable of now, we began to have sex twice as much as the decade before. And the pure physical pleasure side of our sex life has since become far more important to both of us than the romantic lovemaking sessions we used to have. Those went away slowly due to nothing more than familiarity and (hate to use the term, but it fits) ...boredom.

Her desire for physical pleasure has never been higher since we hit our 50's, and this has helped her to look beyond her earlier conservatism and has resulted in a real willingness and desire to experiment and try new pleasures. This was extremely evident lust a couple of months ago when suddenly after 30 years of absolutely not even being willing to discuss anal sex, she relented and decided to go ahead and give it an honest attempt. The results were amazing, she now is a true lover of anal sex, to the point of even being the initiator and asking for it if I haven't in the last 2-3 sessions.

Once again, a whole new list of possibilities, positions, and sexual scenarios has been opened up for us, as well as yet another form of orgasm for her to enjoy. So, here we are in our late 50's, and instead of just one type of sex and one form of orgasm for my wife, she now has 4 distinctly different types of climaxes to choose from, mix and match, and enjoy. Was it her age? I don't know, that's hard to say, I more think it was just the natural long-term decline in quality sex and both our desires to change it that has happily taken over.

Extrapolating our experience to others, I would say that "older" women, or wives in our case, finally realize that sex is indeed whatever they want to make of it and societal pressures are simply not anywhere near as important as they once held.

As for me, I am fortunate to have had a very active younger sex life, including sexual encounters with a wide range of ages in partners, and I'm convinced. If you want pretty eye candy, stick with the younger nubile types. But if you want great sex and earth-shattering orgasms, younger women with all their hang-ups and inexperience become less and less desirable all the time. They just can't compare with a confident, experienced woman who has a great attitude about all kinds of sex and is ready, willing, and able to totally lose herself in the quest for pleasure. Not giving a rip about "what people would think" and open to trying anything and everything behind closed doors, and putting her entire being into the experience. Our sex life has never been better, and we're pushing 60 awful hard....
 
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seanellaz responded:
100 years ago humans were presumed ready to have sex and babies @ 14 or 15 years old. Due to the need for sex hating fascists to control us, we have culturally "evolved" to the point that healthy young men and women are not enjoying super great body wrenching sex, instead getting laid only when drunk or otherwise guilty and unconscious. The state in bed with the nazis tells us who we can marry, who we can have sex with, and when. This IS NOT progress. It is unconstitutional, immoral, and satanic. It is sad that so many women are not comfy even wanting sex until they are old. It is good to hear that they can eventually get around to wanting to more sex, even if men no longer find them atractive and desirable, and the men who do often are not longer hot for sex. Too bad the sex hating psuedo christians and other sex hating religions have polluted our culture so thoroughly. And that we continue to follow them like sheep. Baaah. SEX IS GOOD, REALLY GOOD
 
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fcl replied to Jeremy3456's response:
I''m curious - how do you know that people assume you're sexless? Do they actually tell you this? If not then perhaps you're assuming that other people are assuming that you're sexless...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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rhondamay replied to Jeremy3456's response:
Gosh, there is no more to say! Jeremy has it all figured out and knows much more about us women than we'll ever know about ourselves.

Thanks.

Rhonda
 
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Jeremy3456 replied to fcl's response:
FCL, yes, other people have pretty much said that to me. They've been surprised and dismissive when I express a sexually-tinged interest in a woman; or that I have sexual knowledge, or allude that I have had sex partners. It's amazing. Not long ago one woman tried to set me up for a date with another woman she knows who was, according to her, religious, not very social and probably never had sex. She said "I think of you when I see her; you two are so much alike" or something to that effect. It's ignorant, and it's insulting. And it's happened so many times in different places that it seems to be a common belief. Maybe it's me; maybe it's my occupation; I think it's both.

When you're exposed to that crap for years it does become an assumption. I don't know if my assumption became self-fulfilling or not. I still believe that loud, bawdy, vile people feel like they're the only ones entitled to sex and to talk about it socially.

It is nice to be able to banter or joke about sex with a woman. The few times that I've done that have been with married women, oddly enough, and sometimes very sexually explicitly. I noted this to a female friend of mine who said they do it with me because I'm "safe"---meaning they feel like actual sex is mutually off-limits, so they feel free to show that sexual side of themselves (to a point) and see my side as well. It's fun, but exasperating---my response to her was 'why in hell don't single women act that way to me?!' Especially when I see single women acting that way to other single guys.

Maybe women have thought that I see sex and relationships too seriously and are scared off by that.
 
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Jeremy3456 replied to rhondamay's response:
I see it from my perspective, Rhonda. You can't control what people think.

It's like the Roadrunner cartoons -- they tried to have something like the Acme Supply Company be so generic, but it ended up being so entertainingly obvious. When I was in California in the desert we saw a coyote and everyone asked if it had an Acme rocket strapped to its back. Sometimes stereotypes creep in because for the most part they are really true. People connect the dots before you do.
 
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wonderingaboutthis replied to Jeremy3456's response:
Jeremy, the way I see it you have 2 things working against you...one, your profession. Those of us who don't talk in doctor-speak (speaking of my wife and I at least) tend to look at people in the medical profession as the ultimate in parade-rainers. You eat rabbit food only, your studies and statistics govern everything you say and do, and you seem obsessed with living to be 125 years old. You're the ones who give us all the admonitions about everything we like to do, and tend to overplay and accentuate the negative side of everything. You are the peple who, when we ask questions about say, anal sex, immediately expound on things like "the anus wasn't built for sex, so watch out!! Be careful!! You can catch a nasty infection! You can lose bowel control! On and aon. And you know what? We already know THAT stuff, but we still choose to do it, so why not use your knowledge to tell us how to make it more pleasurable or easier to learn for the female, etc. Accept it as something people like, try not to be so preachy, and accentuate the positive aspects of anything people are likely to do as well as the warnings. It doesn't have to be anal sex, I just use that as one example. I'd never want to go out to dinner with a female doctor, I'd automatically feel like I couldn't order the 18-ounce rare steak or fried shrimp or pasta with Alfredo sauce.

I'm NOT saying YOU do this, but if you're in the medical field, you get that sign hung around your neck, as a person who wants only to analyze anything the average person does to death. While I maight like to date a nurse based on the old "naughty nurse" fetish, I'd really think twice about dating a female doctor - very hard to picture them having any kind of sex without all the dental dams, 3-4 condoms, 3 forms of birth control, and wiping everything down with alchol before getting 3 warning lectures before slipping between the sheets, I'm not discounting the need for any of this (well maybe the alcohol thing) but the career you chose comes with its own set of suppositions by people outside the profession.

And second, you, Jeremy, DO pretty much analyze everything sexual to an extreme (in many of your posts anyway). I'm not saying that's bad, but you also have to understand that if you project that to potential sex partners, you might get the cold shoulder on occasion. Loosen up, man!

You're an opinionated person, that's not automatically bad, but it shows. Especially your last paragraph in your first post above. Those are pretty broad and harsh assumptions about "older" women...you're setting yourself up for all kinds of women who don't fit in your assuptions to want to tell you where to get off. If you only do that here, where you're fairly anonymous, you're probably OK, but I bet that opinionated view sees daylight alot in your social life as well.

I didn't reply to beat up on you, only to help you possibly get a better handle on some possibilities why people might see you as "sexless" or at least someone they may not want to get their groove on with....
 
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queston responded:
I wish--my wife's sex drive went into park when she hit her 40s.
 
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Jeremy3456 replied to wonderingaboutthis's response:
To WonderingAboutThis, Thank you - LoL - and no I can't imagine you having a date with a female doctor either (unless perhaps a proctologist). You're probably right about medical warnings scaring people away. Paradoxically, I'm actually not prudish and some of my fetishes/kinks involve what others would call "filthy" practices!


I find sex to be one of the most fascinating things to look at scientifically. It can draw on a little of everything: psychology, epidemiology, biology, infectious disease, evolution and so forth. The world is full of knowledge; why not use it. But as you say, sex should be fun first (keeping the statistical risk of pregnancy in mind, of course!). For me, unfortunately, it has been difficult work to find sexual opportunities. I had a terrible childhood. I guess all the inward thinking is a natural response to having my sexual desires stonewalled. And as for my harsh opinions, I've only started to express those after decades of silent frustration and being on the blunt end of other people's opinions that I find to be offensive and indefensible. So I've decided to be myself nowadays. (so there!) - LoL - In fact if anything, I've been too much of a 'nice guy'. Maybe I was born in the wrong decade. Anyway, thanks for your perspective. Great discussions here. - J.
 
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wonderingaboutthis replied to Jeremy3456's response:
LOL - NO proctologists!! Knowing the pleasures of the female tush, I might fancy hers...and she would likely be the last person to accept that the anus can be used for pleasure...(at least that would be my perception)

But J, so what if "others" find some of your kinks "filthy"...odds are you didn't invent whatever you're talking about and that means there are undoubtedly females out there that would love to enjoy them with you.

It might sound strange to you, but have you tried some of the online hook-up sites? Not the ones that charge money, those seem to be filled with fake ads designed to hook males in the wallet with delusions of connecting with a supermodel overnight. I have a buddy who is single and advertises on Craig's List. He has a few kinks (so he says and I don't know what they are) and I know for a fact he has been successful on more than one occasion in finding a like-minded female with the emphasis being on the sex and not a long-term romantic liaison. He tells me he has to weed through the replies for the obvious scams/gold diggers, etc., but that he rarely fails to at least meet with real women who have replied to his numerous ads. Apparently the "key" is to just be completely honest and up-front in the ad and not write it as if you are God's gift to women. Works for him...

Maybe that's not your style or you have some reason not to want to try it. But it is as anonymous as you want to keep it and my friend swears by it for purely sexual encounters. If I weren't married and as happy as I am with my wife, I would defiinitely give it a go...
 
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like2watch56 replied to queston's response:
I have the same problem, need to find one of those women with a high sex drive.
 
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An_241130 responded:
For my wife, age 54, sex is a dead issue. We have no sex life!
 
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bob249 responded:


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