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my sex drive is higher then my boyfriends and its ruining our relationship
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An_241281 posted:
when my boyfriend and I started dating I informed him of my very high libido. We were ok for the first 7 months of our relationship, but now he says if we have sex more then once ever 10 or so days it seem to get boring to him. I crave sex more then once every 10 days, I also get upset because for the past 2 months I have had to push him into having sex with me, he's never the one to initiate it. I've tried talking to him about it but he gets upset and tells me its what 'normal' people do. Which hurts my feelings because I know I'm not normal but he doesn't have to rub my face in it. I really don't know what to do, I'm tired of almost forcing him into wanting to have sex with me. So I started to do research on libido reducing drugs, because I obviously can't get him to want to have sex with me so maybe I can turn down my libido so I don't get as upset about not having sex for a week and a half. Does anyone have any ideas of what drugs I could take that would reduce my libido?
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tmlmtlrl responded:
There is no drug that is going to help you with this situation. Even if there were such a drug would you want to be doped up on it for the rest of your life just to appease your boyfriend??

The real answer is to break up with your boyfriend. I know it's not the ideal answer, but mismatched libidos tend to be a huge downfall for relationships and it will NOT get better with time. It's fine that you love him or like him a lot, but this is honestly a really big deal when it comes to the big picture of life.

And the thing is too that you are the one willing and wanting to do all the compromising here. He's not trying to help or change this situation. Instead he's telling you there is something wrong with you and that's crap!

I am a woman and I have a very high libido and it has been the end to relationships in my past, mostly because of men thinking they could not satisfy me. I'm now happily married to a man with a matched libido!!

Personally, I don't get a good vibe from this guy because of the way he has chosen to handle this situation -- which is to hurt you. Go find yourself a good man who is worth your beautiful and completely normal libido!!
 
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3point14 responded:
A doctor could prescribe you anti-depressants, they can be used as an "off the book" treatment for an extremely high libido. A doctor will typically require you to also be seeing a therapist for "proof" that your libido is contributing detrimentally to your life.

In your case, however, your libido is only detrimental to a relationship with someone who makes you feel like a freak. Why do you want to be with someone who makes you feel bad about the gift of your sexuality?

I'm not saying dump him over this, but I am saying that if you two can't maturely discuss this, well...communication's a pretty big deal in a relationship, you know?
 
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queston responded:
You didn't say how old you are, but no matter, at any age, wanting sex more than once every 10 days is certainly decidedly normal. You're perfectly normal and don't let him tell you or imply otherwise.

I'm in a somewhat similar situation (my wife's libido has plummeted over the last few years) and I know how difficult and frustrating this can be. As 3point14 says, it;s really not a sex problem, it;s a relationship problem. If he can't even talk about it calmly with you and reach some compromises, then the chances for long-term success in this relationship seem very low indeed.
 
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rhondamay responded:
An_241281, you are certainly normal, its your boyfriend that should be concerned about his libido. I am a post-menapausal woman and 10 days is longer than I want to go without sex and I don't think I am oversexed by any means. 3point14 has given great advice.

Good luck,

Rhonda
 
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tmlmtlrl replied to 3point14's response:
As far as I know a low sex drive is one possible (of many) side effects of anti-depressants. That would be so wrong for any doctor to even consider giving this girl/woman an anti-depressant because she wants sex more than 3X a month!

Here's an idea to lower your sex drive: stop having sex with him. After a long enough time your desire will die. Blah.

Really there seems to be a lot wrong with this relationship besides the sex. Stop trying so hard to do what this boy/man tells you is the way it's supposed to be. Get some therapy and go live your life.
 
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3point14 replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
I agree that it'd be wrong in this situation, but for someone with hypersexuality, it's extremely merciful for a doctor to do what they can to help deal with an excessively strong libido without the use of surgery.
 
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lilmisscollege responded:
First, if you too are really in love and want to make your relationship work what you need is a therapist not a drug. Always try to mediate your problems before putting drugs into your body
Second, you are normal! Many women have a high sex drive. What lowers a womans sex drive is stress over time and unsatisfying sex. I myself have an extremely high sex drive but with communication me and my boyfriend talk it out if he can't keep up.
Third, I'd be concerned with his sex drive or his faithfulness... I am not making acusations but men tend to love a girl who wants it a lot. To find the root of the problem you should talk to someone with him. It will help you both in the long run communicate.
 
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dfgbull responded:
Just a few points. First: Why do you think you are not normal? Just because you want sex more than he does does not mean you are not normal (I wan sex almost every day). Second: His complaint is that he gets bored. Even with my high libido boredom is an issue because my wife has a somewhat narrow view of what is acceptable sex. Do you work toward keeping some variety in your sex? Third: as lilmisscollage says your solution is in counseling not drugs.
 
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1010tenten replied to dfgbull's response:
It doesn't get better with time without a counselor. Please don't take medication for this, I nearly went on anti-depressants with a previous boyfriend and shutter everytime I think of it, because if I had possibly masked how unhappy I was, would I still be with that jerk?

I would honestly LOVE every 10 days. Of course, I would like more often, but I'm married now and can't even count on birthdays, our anniversary or valentine's day anymore. That's right, we're on one hand in counting for the YEAR. Like you, I'm tired of asking, I feel like I'm forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do. Counseling didn't help us. I guess I've given up, just kind of waiting things out. If anything, after reading this thread I'd guess that the guy is the abnormal one. My guy included/especially. Hope it gets better.
 
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roccosbaby responded:
honey, having high sex drive is normal. instead of trying to reduce ur libido why not increase his ? or pleasure urself

on a serious note, i would be concerned about him not being exclusive to you. maybe hes having sex outside of you ?
 
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Lou717 responded:
I read what other people posted. I think you guys can work it out. I have a high sex drive but my wife has fribromyalgia, talking about sexual frustration there. She make me feel like there is a problem with me. I understand your frustration because the same happens with me and I don't know how to approach her no more for intimacy. There is always an excuse and some of them I understand and sometimes I feel she is using her condition as a excuse. At this point I don't know what to do because I feel sorry for her but at the same time I can't deal with this frustration no more. You guys have a better chance to work things out than me. In your case there are always other ways for pleasure with out the intercourse. In my case I tried other things but I get a bad look or pushed away. You guys have solutions; I don't have any solution for my situation. I would like to stay marry too but sometimes I think about leaving. Is like married and almost living a life like a monk, just that they never get anything because they can't. I don't know, if you are in the mood and you have to wait days for your love one to give you a sign to have sex, is very annoying. You guys can still work out something.
 
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lovelaughlive8 responded:
Does your boyfriend watch pornography? Not to say everyone who watches porn has an addiction but it is very common, especially in males. That has the power to numb a person to "regular" sex with their partner and he must be releasing in some way or another. How old are you guys?
 
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ontbear responded:
An_241281: There is 2 things that cause most of the divorces; fInances and sex. Look at this relationship prior to an isle walk. ontbear
 
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An_247405 replied to ontbear's response:
WOW! I cannot believe some people are so narrow minded! Open your minds and hearts up people!

A.) Yes High Sex drive is normal!
B.)Low sex drive is normal!
C.) There's no such thing as normal
I am a man. I am happily in an exclusive relationship. I have a low sex drive for several reasons. I have PTSD (Afghanistan)for starters. I take pain medication regularly out of necessity which lowers my sex drive. My wifey wants sex about every day or two, it causes arguments between us. My issue is that (mind you I have a lot of psychology and anthropology studies under my belt) she is entirely too aggressive and demands sex. Everyone that reads what I am about to say here think what you want, but this is fact backed up by studies.
Men are hunter gatherers by nature. We want to go after what we want, we want the hunt we need to feel dominant it is inert in us. No matter how civilized we try to be instinct is instinct. I want to pursue my woman not the other way around. When a woman is too sexually aggressive us men may like it at first, but eventually that hunter in us wants to be the sexually aggressive one. I promise the women that read this, just try this advise and I bet you 75% to 805 of the time it will work.
If you have the same problem as the original poster. Calm down do not get mad, be smart be subtle in what you want. do the little things that mean the most to us men, like play a little hard to get, wear the favorite pair of shorts we like, let your down (we love it when its down not necessarily fixed up but a little messy), lick your lips a lot when you talk to us, DO NOT USE A BUNCH OF MAKE UP just a little eye shadow and liner is all you need, The number one thing that I know works take a shower before bed, the next morning wake him up by touching him you know where, it is a proven fact men are the most horny in the morning.

Everyone has faults. If you love someone you do not just break up with them without trying absolutely everything there is to try. Sex drives change in all of us like the seasons, there can be many reasons it changes stress, depression, medication, past trauma, chemical imbalances, diet etc.

Be easy on him, he probably feels worse than you do about this issue. As men when it comes to sex and pleasing our partner we take it very seriously, and personally. If we think we are not pleasing our partner it can destroy us on the inside which makes the problem that much worse.

Love is love so many people today are about instant gratification, do not be so quick to throw away a relationship just because of a problem now. Problems can be worked out and fixed. Remember we are all human with feelings and emotions. They way you treat someone today can cause consequences that can affect that person for the rest of their lives, and everyone they come into contact with.

I love my woman we have our problems. We have been arguing for 2 weeks straight, but I know that the worst day with her is still better than the best day without her.
Sex is not everything..... The lack of it or even too much of it is just a symptom of something else. Communicate, respect, listen, and compromise is everything!


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