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In a VERY bad Position
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Anon_2313 posted:
I have been married to a wonderful woman for the last two years and she makes me happy. I love this woman and I would like to say that I love her with all my heart but I can't.

I've recently been contacted by an old flame that I dated back in highschool. She and I have always had an irresistable attraction and adoration to one another but timing was always an issue. When I was single, she wasn't. When she was single, I wasn't.

This is where we are now. She's single and I'm not. As I said, I love my wife and she makes me happy but this other woman makes me happier and I love her more. I can't bear the thought of losing my wife but I can't bear the idea of not reconnecting with my past love.

How can one man love two women? What should I do. I know that I swore to love my wife through thick and thin, but my heart swore to love this other woman.

Without judgement, can anyone please pass along any advice you may have?
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georgiagail responded:
It may benefit you to spend some time researching the difference between "love" and "lust".

You love your wife.

Your lust after the old flame.

We often lust after that which we don't have. Sometimes when we get it, we eventually wonder why we gave up something special for it.

Gail
 
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3point14 responded:
How long have you been out of high school? How well do you know this woman as she is now, not the woman you knew years ago?

What were her intentions getting back in touch with you?

Are you willing to lose what you have with your wife on this big unknown?

I think you need to examine your feelings for both of these women more closely. I think the fact that you're willing to leave your wife of two years for someone you haven't seen in years is very telling.

Can't bear the thought of losing your wife? You're not losing her, you're giving her up. She's not walking away from you, you're walking away from her by continuing to contact this woman for whom you have feelings. I think if you really couldn't bear the thought of losing her, you would be cutting off contact, thinking "phew!" and attempting to reconnect with her.

In fact, I think your phrasing perfectly showcases your actual indecision. The thought of your wife vs. the idea of your past flame. I think you're caught up in what could be with this woman, whereas with your wife even though you have comfort, you kinda know what you're in for. This other woman represents potential, and of course that's more appealling.

That all being said, if you really do love this woman more, and who she is now and not just the idea of what it could be, go for her. Do yourself and your wife the favor of not putting her through an affair and start the divorce proceedings. I'm not saying immediately run to this other woman, but if you've discovered that there really is something you'd prefer over being married to this woman, why waste both of your time?
 
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GuardSquealer responded:
For many years after marrying my present wife I longed for my first wife. I use to have dreams about her every night for years. I wouldn't commit to my now wife for fear of missing a chance of getting back with my first wife. I always felt that if she called I would have went running.

Eventually I found out my first wife had remarried and moved away. Reluctantly I married my wife and proceeded with life. It took a few more years for that longing to subside. Then one day I realized I was glad that I was with my present wife, that my life was better than it would have ever been with the first wife. And I wouldn't have my daughter if I was married to someone else.

Then 22 years later I get an email from her present husband telling me how miserable she had made him the last 20 years and now I really believe that my life had headed a different way for a good reason and I am very glad for it.

You don't have as many years invested and it could go either way for you. Why didn't she dump her husand/boyfriend for you? Your just going to dump someone that has made a commitment to you for someone that hasn't.

I think you are taking a huge chance. Either way you will probably have regrets.

But I agree with Pi. If you are going to do it, do it quickly so not to waste anymore of your wifes time.


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