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Looking for advise on where to get help and my issues
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Anon_144063 posted:
Where to startâ?¦

I know women do not find insecure men attractive.
I know that insecurities about my body add a cloud of negativity around sex.
I have read that penis size is not as important as men think it is.
I have read that men should not be afraid of their partners being more turned on by their vibrators then them.

But, I still struggle with it all. I don't want this all to soundly like I am whining. I am trying to address my feelings through diet and exercise, providing the best sexual experience and stimulation I can (my focus is totally on satisfying her), I am reading articles to allay my concerns over "size"â?¦ but I still can move beyond my fears. I need help beyond positive self talk. I am looking for a professional to talk to but don't know where to start, what I should be looking for from a therapist and how to address the situation with my wife. There are things that I cannot talk to her about or anyone else and so I am using this as a place to get it out.


I cannot get past my insecurities. I am embarrassed by my body, my average penis size and my overall feelings of inadequacy in bed. No matter how many articles I have read about penis size I am sure that my wife would enjoy sex with someone who has more girth. I don't think I am giving her that feeling of "fullness" that she likes.

I know that my feelings may be irrational or that I am making more of this issue then I should.

I am a very sexual person even though I am insecure. My wife is amazing and fills my desire for physical contact but she herself does not desire sex. She tells me that it has nothing to do with attraction. I don't get it that. I think that if she felt attracted to me that she would have the desire to have sex with me. I think that if sex felt better that she would want to have sex more often and initiate.

I introduced a vibrator and she loves the clitoral stimulation. I am concerned that she likes sex more when we use it then when we don't. I am hung up on the fact that I cannot turn her on in that way and that I have to use a device during sex. She always would have an orgasm without it but the other night she could not until I brought the vibrator out. It made me feel bad. It would make her feel bad if she could not give me an orgasm and I had to request a device to make it happen.

My desire is to release my hang-ups and be a more relaxed person. After sex I want to feel good about it and I want my wife to as well. These feelings are not new and as I stated before I have tried working on them for years. But, here I am writing this long thing when I should be working. I know guys have these same feelings. I see guys ask all the time about ways to reduce libido with no GOOD answers.

Well, I got it off my chest. Thanks for wasting precious moments reading. J
2 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Looking for advise on where to get help and my issuesWhere to startâ?¦<br /> <br />I know women do not find insecure men attractive.<br />I know that insecurities about my body add a cloud of negativity around sex.<br />I have read that penis size is not as important as men think it is.<br />I have read that men should not be afraid of their partners being more turned on by their vibrators then them.<br /> <br />But, I still struggle with it all. I don't want this all to soundly like I am whining. I am trying to address my feelings through diet and exercise, providing the best sexual experience and stimulation I can (my focus is totally on satisfying her), I am reading articles to allay my concerns over "size"â?¦ but I still can move beyond my fears. I need help beyond positive self talk. I am looking for a professional to talk to but don't know where to start, what I should be looking for from a therapist and how to address the situation with my wife. There are things that I cannot talk to her about or anyone else and so I am using this as a place to get it out.<br /> <br /> <br />I cannot get past my insecurities. I am embarrassed by my body, my average penis size and my overall feelings of inadequacy in bed. No matter how many articles I have read about penis size I am sure that my wife would enjoy sex with someone who has more girth. I don't think I am giving her that feeling of "fullness" that she likes. <br /> <br />I know that my feelings may be irrational or that I am making more of this issue then I should.<br /> <br />I am a very sexual person even though I am insecure. My wife is amazing and fills my desire for physical contact but she herself does not desire sex. She tells me that it has nothing to do with attraction. I don't get it that. I think that if she felt attracted to me that she would have the desire to have sex with me. I think that if sex felt better that she would want to have sex more often and initiate.<br /> <br />I introduced a vibrator and she loves the clitoral stimulation. I am concerned that she likes sex more when we use it then when we don't. I am hung up on the fact that I cannot turn her on in that way and that I have to use a device during sex. She always would have an orgasm without it but the other night she could not until I brought the vibrator out. It made me feel bad. It would make her feel bad if she could not give me an orgasm and I had to request a device to make it happen.<br /> <br />My desire is to release my hang-ups and be a more relaxed person. After sex I want to feel good about it and I want my wife to as well. These feelings are not new and as I stated before I have tried working on them for years. But, here I am writing this long thing when I should be working. I know guys have these same feelings. I see guys ask all the time about ways to reduce libido with no GOOD answers.<br /> <br />Well, I got it off my chest. Thanks for wasting precious moments reading. J<br />
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AlexKatehakis responded:
The best place to find a therapist to address those specific needs is via AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists). They have a directory of certified professionals:

http://www.aasect.org/directory.asp
Report This| Share this:Looking for advise on where to get help and my issuesThe best place to find a therapist to address those specific needs is via AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists). They have a directory of certified professionals: <br /><br /><a href="http://www.aasect.org/directory.asp">http://www.aasect.org/directory.asp</a>
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Anon_144063 replied to AlexKatehakis's response:
Thanks for the info. I have looked at three of the therapist close to me (within 3 hours drive) and their rates are $125 per hour. My insurance does not cover mental health cost. Are there any online support groups you know of?
Report This| Share this:Looking for advise on where to get help and my issuesThanks for the info. I have looked at three of the therapist close to me (within 3 hours drive) and their rates are $125 per hour. My insurance does not cover mental health cost. Are there any online support groups you know of?
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