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Need to improve the sex life
An_242173 posted:
Hi I'm 26 years old. My wife and I have been married for a over 2 years. I have a couple of issues that are having a negative effect on our sex life and thus are putting some strain on our marriage.

1) I've never had a lot of sexual stamina and my wife is rarely, if ever, satisfied after sex.

2) I rarely initiate sex. Its not that I don't want it or that my wife is not sexually desirable. Because she is very desirable and I have a sex drive, trust me. I think it goes back to the first problem, because I don't perform well I am never sure if she really wants to have sex. Therefore I am hesitant to initiate sex.

These are problems that I really want to find solutions to. It has been a source of frustration for my wife and I for a while and I am ready to address these issues. I will appreciate any guidance from anybody. Thanks.
FCL responded:
If I understand what you're saying, you don't last very long (or as long as you'd like) and your wife doesn't often get an orgasm because of this.

I suggest you give her much more foreplay so that you bring her to the brink before entering her. Women often take longer than men to climax so it's a good idea to get them to an advanced state of excitement first. How good are your oral skills? That would be worth working on. Here's a starting point:

You might also work on her mind... Have you ever read erotica together or to each other?

Please DO start initiating. Don't let any past incidents get in the way. Learn some new oral skills and tell yourself you're going to blow her mind with them Then give her a demonstration of what you've learned. Also ask her to tell you guide you if she can.

Just a few ideas ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
BalconyBelle replied to FCL's response:
I second FCL.

Brush up on your foreplay skills--especially oral--as well as kissing, stroking, & caressing other parts of her body. Try to blow her mind before entering her. My fiance occasionally doesn't last as long as he'd like once he's inside me--but since he's made sure I climaxed before even going there, it's a non-issue for me. I think he's fantastic in the sack, and I have no complaints. If you've given your partner a marathon of foreplay, chances are she won't really care if the last few yards are sprint---especially if you've already made sure she climaxed before the home stretch.

Also, it's fairly rare for women to climax through vaginal penetration alone--no matter how long their partner lasts. Rarely having sex can also lead to a shortened performance for guys regardless of any other factors.

In summary: Frequently indulge in lots of oral & foreplay before going for penetrative sex, and the issue may resolve itself.
bogie11 replied to BalconyBelle's response:
Sounds like good advice
An_242149 responded:
Go down on your wife and make sure she orgasms before you begin intercourse. Don't be frustrated if it takes awhile for her to orgasm either. Try massage too, it doesn't matter if you are a pro or not it'll help her loosen up a bit before sex. And the more often you have sex the longer you will last. Also initiate sex and don't be discouraged if she says "not tonight"

Helpful Tips

Difficulty having an orgasm?Expert
Try reading Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman , Joseph Ph.D. LoPiccolo and David ... More
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