Skip to content
Husband does not want sex
An_242184 posted:
At least, not with me, his wife. Since we began dating, he's not been affectionate, but in the times when we did have sex, he seemed very much into it. It's now been 1 and a half YEARS since we've been intimate. Smooches and hugs are the most I get. I don't believe he's cheating and I doubt he's gay, but I guess there's always that possibility. He seems overwhelmed with the fact that he's aging (we're 10 years apart, and I'm in my mid-30s). My sex drive is and has been through the roof. Whether or not I'm thin or not (now a size 10) doesn't seem to matter. We have had financial hardship in the past few years (jobs lost, foreclosure) but things are looking up lately. I cannot understand how stress/depression can cause a man to have zero interest in an intimate relationship. If I touch him, he recoils or accuses me of petting him like our dog or being clumsy "you almost poked me in the eye." I have been patiently waiting and being optimistic that he will relax and enjoy our marriage, but it seems the opposite is happening. I have searched far and wide - books and web - for an idea of what this all means. Can anyone (guys?) shed light on this situation? I need a third person perspective!!!!
An_242149 responded:
Was he more into you when you were thinner? Being heavier could possibly be a problem for him. Also do you nag, or put him down all the time? There are a lot of reasons why. But there is also a possibility that this is just a time in his life when he is not interested in sex. In a marriage there will be times when neither of you can keep your hand off one another, there will be times when one of you wants sex more than the other, and times when no one wants sex.
dfgbull responded:
A possibility, he may be having ED issues and is so afraid of this being "exposed" that he feels safer avoiding anything sexual. If this is the case it is not likely he will admit it if you ask him about it. I think you need to see a counselor who can help find the issue and help resolve it.
1nt3rnalC0mbu5t1on responded:
Depression can have all sorts of effects on life, even the most enjoyable ones. Sadly, when someone is depressed there are a lot of negative things going through your mind. You mentioned some financial hardships, but things are starting to turn for the better, that can weigh very heavily on ones mind. Even though you may be out of the woods with the financial issues, he is being over cautious and putting extra stress on himself, so that he doesnt let the family down. Secondly, have you tried to have an open conversation with him about your concerns, this being much easier said than done of course. But opening that road for communication could help, there maybe some underlying issue that he is not telling you about, because he might be ashamed or embarassed. Maybe a weekend away, doesnt have to be fancy, you can get a hotel in a near by city, just go out on a date and have dinner and reconnect. Put aside what ever you have going on in your professional lives and just enjoy each other, talk about the good times and have a glass or three of wine. Dont be afraid to wear something sexy and be playful, he might take to it and you just may get what you've been wishing for! Good luck.

Helpful Tips

Difficulty having an orgasm?Expert
Try reading Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman , Joseph Ph.D. LoPiccolo and David ... More
Was this Helpful?
6 of 9 found this helpful

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

For more information, visit Dr. Becker-Phelps' website